Endurance
by The You of Yesterday
Summary: When the Yondaime Hokage died protecting Konoha Kakashi promised to take care of his son. 3 months on, alone & exhausted, he vows to give the kid everything he never had. When unexpected help arrives, Kakashi dares to see a brighter future amid the ruins.
1. Introspection

Endurance

Chapter 1 – Introspection

Kakashi dumped himself gratefully onto the settee and clutched at his head, sighing as he dropped the long-held pretence that he was fine.

It was almost 11 months since he had been gifted with Obito's sharingan eye, and for those 11 interminable months the whole left side of his head had burned continuously with an intense, white-hot pain. A week after the transplant, when the pain had not subsided, Kakashi had mentioned it to Rin, who had told him there was nothing that could be done save remove the eye if it didn't stop hurting.  
So of course a month later when Rin had asked Kakashi in for a follow-up check, he had told her it was fine.  
It was damn hard to put up with, but it was Obito's parting gift to him as he left this life, and Kakashi would not throw it back in his face. He would endure the pain, and he would master the eye. It was his duty in remembrance of his friend.  
But now he had this damn baby to look after, and the eye always seemed to get worse when he was tired. And since taking in his dead Sensei's son 3 months ago, Kakashi had stumbled upon a whole new level of tired.  
And he would not give up with this either. Like the eye, the kid was the legacy of one of his precious people, and he would protect it with everything he had. He would endure. For Sensei, for Obito, for Rin. It was his duty after all, and he owed it to them all.  
But he was so damn tired.

Having not been able to sleep properly since the death of his father six years ago, and having found it even more difficult after the loss of his two teamates and the transplant of the eye, Kakashi was used to snatching whatever sleep he could whenever his mind would let him. Now though, the baby would inevitably start to cry just as Kakashi could feel himself starting to drift off. After seeing to him, or 'it' as Kakashi couldn't help but call the baby, it normally took several hours to wind down enough to enable sleep, by which time the baby would be waking up again.

Whenever he did manage to grab a few precious hours of sleep, he tended to suffer from nightmares that terrified him, so he would wake up sweating, and sometimes shaking so badly he couldn't catch his breath, and which left him feeling far worse than he had done before sleeping.  
And if not the nightmares, the pain in head sometimes became so strong that he could no longer blot it out, and with his eyes tightly shut in agony, and his body trembling in fear and pain, the young jonin would lie silently beneath his blankets wishing he could still cry.  
But he couldn't. Kakashi could never cry for himself. The pain was payback for his life being saved and for the eye he had received. The nightmares were punishment for everything he had failed to do to protect those he loved. And the baby? Much as he would like to, Kakashi couldn't view it even to himself as a punishment. It was the last thing he could do for any of them. The last promise he had made to his Sensei, to protect the kid, and the only promise left that he hadn't broken.

Yet.

There was plenty of time still to break it. His entire lifetime in fact.

Kakashi had reasoned with himself that, in order to keep his promise he would have to prevent the kid dying before he did. Additionally, he would have to avoid dying himself in order to see the kid die of something there is no protection from; old age. Therefore, unless Kakashi was able to outlive the kid naturally by at least his current age of fourteen years, there was no way to keep the promise.

But this train of thinking would get him nowhere at all. Kakashi's pessimistic half would often curse him to failure before he had even begun, but his optimistic side always won through in the end. There was no way he would quit, so even if he did fail and ended up breaking his final promise, Kakashi would be able to face Minato-Sensei in the Afterlife (if there was one – Kakashi was sceptical about that as he was about most things) and his teacher would know he had done his utmost for the kid.

In spite of his physical exhaustion, Kakashi did not feel sleep coming to him as he slumped on the settee in the moonlight, so unwillingly took up his latest unfortunate pastime, worrying.

He worried that, even if he were able to keep his promise to his Sensei and protect this baby, what the hell kind of person would the kid grow into? And how on earth did you even go about 'raising' a kid anyway? Kakashi was sure he didn't have the first clue about teaching or parenting. All he knew was how to be a ninja, so he guessed the kid would have to be a ninja too. Although Kakashi had no intention of forcing a ninja life on this boy as his own father had forced it upon him. Sure, he had wanted to do it at the time; what two year old boy doesn't want to learn how to throw sharp pointy things at innocent rabbits and squirrels. But what two year old boy wants to then have to retrieve his accurately-thrown shuriken from the warm, soft, twitching body of a snow rabbit and watch the blood flow from he creature, stoking it gently until it stopped moving forever, realising that his own shiny new toys had rendered this beautiful creature forever still and silent.

Kakashi's father had never shied away from the realities of shinobi life. He had encouraged his son to kill, then made him watch the life drain from he animals he struck down. Showing Kakashi death first hand had been an easier and more effective way of explaining is permanence to the tiny child than talking to him. But this had scarred Kakashi. His kind heart had broken for the creatures he had needlessly killed that day, but he had understood the lesson.

There are consequences to everything in life, and you should not act without being aware of those consequences.

That was when the nightmares had started, but Kakashi was brave and he hadn't wanted to disappoint his beloved father. He had gone into the forest every morning before sunrise, alone amongst the calls of the waking birds, and had used his shuriken to kill rabbits, learning the best ways to make the kill as quick as possible for the poor creatures. He had taken them inside, stroking their beautiful fur and crying big, childish tears for them, before skinning them and preparing them for his father's breakfast.

Life and death was a cycle, Kakashi's father had told him. Everything is born for a purpose, it lives until it fulfils that purpose, then it dies and becomes a part of the earth once more to be reborn as part of something else. The purpose of a rabbit was to fill the belly of a carnivore, and if that carnivore were not Hatake Sakumo it would be another human, or maybe a wolf, a bear, and eagle. That was the rabbit's role in the circle of life, and there was no avoiding it, so was it not kinder to learn how to take the rabbit's life with a minimum of pain than to smile as it scampered by, only to be caught up in the talons of an eagle and ripped slowly to shreds? At two years old Kakashi had not had the mind or the will to disagree with his father's twisted logic, and besides, his father was his hero and he could not disobey or answer back to him. So the child became a silent hunter, able to sneak up on forest creatures and snap their necks before they knew he was there. The hunter became a ninja, using his stealth, speed and agility in combination with his chakra control to perfect many techniques. The ninja became a soldier, thrown into the midst of war when he was little more than knee-high, using his small size to move undetected to disrupt enemy supply lines. The soldier became an assassin, putting his ninja skills together with his tiny frame and beautiful, innocent face to gain the sympathy of targets and take them out like the rabbits in the forest when they took pity on him.

And Kakashi's father was proud. His son, the youngest ever fully-fledged ninja at five, the youngest ever chunin at six, the youngest ninja ever sent out on solo assassination missions. This was all due to the war and the desperate lack of shinobi, but in any situation, Kakashi's father knew his son would still have shone brighter than any other. That little, deceptively fragile silvery sprite who could do anything, accomplish anything he put his brilliant young mind to was his son, and he wanted the world to know it. Hatake Sakumo was truly a happy man. He had lost everything, but now he realised that to see his son's angelic little face every day was all he needed to make him a contented man.

But Kakashi had not been happy. He had often watched other children playing and had asked his father if he could join in, as it looked like fun. His father had said no. He had to train. He had to complete the henge no jutsu and then he would get a treat if he was goof. That treat would turned out to be a new jutsu, the kage shuriken no jutsu. For his fourth birthday, Kakashi had received a specially-made, hand-crafted wakizashi made by the finest smith in Fire Country, lacquered with beautiful patterns on the guard and hilt. The blade was barely longer than that of a tanto, but on Kakashi it was a full-sized longsword. Kakashi had feigned that he loved it , but all he really wanted was a friend, he already had plenty of means to kill.

Now that he was facing the same dilemma his father had faced, Kakashi realised that Sakumo had only meant well. His father hadn't meant to scar him, he had simply tried to prepare him as best he could for life as a shinobi, because that was the only life he knew and he had no more idea of how to raise a child than the fourteen-year-old Kakashi had.

So, if he wasn't going to teach the baby ninja skills until it was old enough to make up it's own mind, what else could he teach it?

Kakashi couldn't even read and write properly himself, let alone teach a child, and this scared him half to death. How many fourteen-year-olds did he know who struggled to decipher a mission scroll?

That's right, none.

Only he, who was praised as a ninja genius, lacked this most vital and basic of life skills.

Minato-Sensei had always told him it wasn't his fault, that he had never had time to learn given the level of his physical skills, but Kakashi had always felt it was because he was not smart enough. He had all but begged his sensei to teach him, and Minato had done his best, but he wasn't the most patient teacher when it came to teaching something that was second nature to himself. They would sit up late by the fire when on missions, and Minato would try to teach his eager student. Progress had been slow, and Kakashi had berated himself for it, but Minato had praised him constantly for his efforts, and had proudly watched him as he wrote his name in large, wonky characters in the sand by the fire.

But the Third Shinobi War had intensified, and the six-year-old Kakashi was given a field promotion to chunin rank, and there was no more time for reading and writing. Kakashi had tried to learn by himself, and at night when the nightmares became too much he would practice so that he could surprise his sensei with something new when they were reunited. In spite of his best efforts, Kakashi did not get much further with his studies, and when his father killed himself the eight-year-old had dedicated himself wholly to the ninja code, and to becoming stronger, finding no more time for literacy lessons.

The war which had taken the lives of so many Konoha shinobi that a five-year-old was sent to act as a messenger on the front lines had only just come to an end a year ago shortly after Obito's death at Kannabi Bridge, but the peace had been short-lived.

After his final team mate Rin had died and Minato-Sensei was made the Hokage, Kakashi had cut his losses and joined ANBU, Konoha's elite Black Ops force., still unable to read and write

During the eight months of peace that followed, he discovered there was no such thing as true peace in the ninja world.

Working as a top-level assassin, Kakashi learned things which most outside the Black Ops division were blissfully ignorant of. Inter-village and inter-country relations were never smooth, and never entirely peaceful. He had posed as a shinobi from almost every Hidden Village during that period to carry out assassinations, and he knew his actions were designed to spark conflict, playing other villages off against each other, but he could not disobey his orders. As much as it worried him, Kakashi had faith that those issuing the orders knew what they were doing, and that this work was essential to the long-term security of Konoha.

It wasn't until lately that Kakashi had begun to wonder on his many sleepless nights how much his sensei had actually been aware of, and whether someone else had been issuing those orders and controlling the ANBU without the Hokage's knowledge. He was sure that Minato-sensei wouldn't want to start wars between other nations to weaken them for Konoha's benefit, but at the time he had blindly gone along with it. After all, what could he have done if he had realised this at the time? He knew the answer; to reveal his suspicions would have simply got him killed.

But three months ago, even that fragile, shadowy peace was shattered when the Kyuubi attacked the village.

The Fourth Hokage, Kakashi's Minato-Sensei, had given his life to save the village, and sealed the Demon Fox into the body of his own newborn son.

That very newborn son which Kakashi had promised to his dead sensei that he would protect, and which he now had under his sole care.

After the attack, no one had seemed to care too much about what happened to the baby. Many wanted it killed or cast out of the village, preferably on a enemy's borders. Others wanted it for experiments or to use its power. But most didn't give it too much thought. The village was safe. The Hokage had given his life to protect it, as was his sworn duty, and everyone could get on with grieving for the many lost in the Atack, and with rebuilding the village and their lives.

This state of mind had lasted for about a week. After the memorial service for those killed in the Attack, people seemed to remember the baby, and started asking where the Demon Child was.

The Third Hokage had been quickly reinstated until a suitable replacement could be found, and he had tried to quell the anger rising in the village, but even he could not do much. He tried to hide the baby in an orphanage some mile outside the village, but one observant nurse spotted the whisker marks on the it's cheeks, and it had almost been killed there and then.

The Third had tried to punish those responsible, but public opinion swayed so violently against him that the Council let the thugs off with a warning.

Kakashi had been furious. He had gone to the Old Man Hokage, and had told him of his promise to protect the kid. He had offered to look after the baby, and the Hokage had agreed, eager to get the kid out of the way, and out of people's minds so the healing process could continue. He had expressed concern for Kakashi, and had promised financial support as well as relief and help in the form of several well-trusted and experienced women, including his own wife, whom he would knew wouldn't harm the baby.

But none of this had been forthcoming. Kakashi had visited the Hokage's office to request money to buy essential to fit out his tiny flat for a baby, but he had not received a penny. He had been told to complete the necessary forms. Of course, he couldn't do this, so he had asked to see the Hokage in person, but had been refused entry.

Unable to even get an audience with the Old Man, Kakashi had found himself totally alone in the world, struggling to cope with his own very fresh grief at his sensei's death and the stress of a newborn baby.

He had emptied his entire small savings account to buy baby furniture and necessities. He had to rely totally on the advisor in the baby shop to tell him what he needed to buy, but luckily for him she had taken pity on him and had sold him the cheapest of everything, and even found him many second-hand items.

Of course, she didn't know the whole truth of the situation. Kakashi had not lied; his sensei and his wife had died in the Kyuubi's Attack, and he had promised to take care of their newborn son, who had no one else.

There were so many dead, and so many orphaned children in the village that the woman hadn't asked many questions, recognising the fourteen-year-old's unspent grief and delayed shock. She had lost her husband in the last weeks of the war, so like most of Konoha's citizens, she also knew grief.

Of course, it helped that Kakashi had the foresight to disguise himself using henge no jutsu before entering the shop. His disguise consisted of Obito's face with Minato-Sensei's wife Kushina's flaming red hair, and Rin's soft brown eyes, so it was easy for him to replicate it each time he went to the shop. Those faces were burned into his brain, and cavorted cruelly through his nightmares.

So Kakashi had to spend everything he had on the baby. Three months in and his savings were long-since gone. He'd had to take a few ANBU assassination and guard missions to earn enough to buy food, but he didn't make much as he couldn't leave the kid with his dogs for more longer than two days at a time, at a stretch, and one-day and overnight jobs didn't bring in much cash.

Now, laid out on the couch trying to release the nervous tension from his muscles, Kakashi resolved that he would learn to read and write once and for all. He could not ask the Academy teachers, as rumours might start to spread that one of Konoha's best young jounin was illiterate, and he didn't want to attract any more attention than he had to.

The Old Man Hokage wouldn't have time. Hell, Kakashi hadn't even been able to see the man since he'd taken the kid in.

That left Jiraiya-sama. Whenever he returned from wherever the hell he was - doing his 'research' combined with high-level espionage – Kakashi would ask for his help. His sharingan would no doubt help him to quickly memorise the characters, so he was sure that with a little guidance from Jiraiya he had a great chance of finally mastering the arts of the pen. He was supposed to be a genius after all.

Kakashi grinned wolfishly to himself. He could do this. He would teach the kid to read and write, he would teach him everything he could, but he would let him play. He would make sure this baby had the chance to make friends his own age, and would try to keep the horrors of the world from him for as long as possible. He would give Naruto everything that he had never had.

Feeling more positive than he had in a long time, Kakashi stretched his slim arms and legs and laid back n the cushions, and within minutes he felt himself drifting off into blissful sleep.

Kakashi had only slept for about an hour and a half when he was woken by an insistent knocking at his door. Waking slowly, he eased his tired body from the sofa and dragged himself to the door, wishing they would shut up knocking before the baby woke up, and hoping that whoever it was wouldn't stay long so he could get a bit more sleep before the kid's next feed.

To Kakashi's surprise, it was the Old Man Hokage and his wife.

He invited them in, ushering them to the sofa, his only piece of furniture save one kitchen chair, and offered them tea out of politeness.

While Kakashi prepared the tea, the Sarutobis looked critically around his apartment.


	2. Impressions: Biwako

Endurance

Chapter 2 – Impressions: Biwako

Sarutobi Biwako was shocked at the sight of the young boy who answered the door. He was as thin as a rake, and had such dark shadows beneath his eyes that she could barely tell where his ever-present face mask ended and his skin began.

Looking at this blatantly malnourished child she initially feared for the health of the baby, but when she tore her eyes away from the bedraggled young shinobi who had gone to make the tea, she noticed that the tiny apartment was entirely spotless. There wasn't a speck of dust or a scrap of dirt anywhere to be seen, and not a thing was out of place. If he was this fastidious, surely the baby would be fine.

She was still anxious to find out however, and was relieved when her husband seemed to be thinking the same thing, and asked where Naruto was.

The boy look around, seemingly not recognising the name at first, then it clicked and he said "Oh, you mean the Baby?" before leading them with his assassin's stealth into the flat's only bedroom where the baby was sleeping peacefully in a slightly battered, but scrupulously clean, cot.

To Biwako's relief, Naruto looked perfectly healthy. His legs were drawn up to his body beneath the soft yellow blanket, and his little hands clenched and unclenched as he moved in his sleep. She smiled. He really was a beautiful-looking baby, and those whisker marks on his face were irresistibly adorable. She put her finger into the baby's miniature palm, and the fingers closed around it by reflex. His skin was wonderfully soft, and he looked to be happy and well-fed and cared for.

Gently, she withdrew her finger from the baby and as they left the room to let him sleep in peace, she couldn't help but notice how stiffly little Kakashi seemed to move, and how his body language screamed utter and complete exhaustion.

The gentle woman felt tears pricking at her eyes at the sight of him. He was only a child himself, this was so unfair on him. He obviously needed support but he and the baby had simply been forgotten in the aftermath of the Attack. Hiruzen had woken up that morning, only about an hour before their visit to Kakashi, and had suddenly remembered the kid was looking after the Yondaime's baby, and that he had not seen the boy in goodness knew how long, and neither had he seen any requests for financial help coming across his desk. He had totally forgotten to ask his wife to check in on the pair, and his heart had been in his mouth as he wondered whether they were all right.

Biwako had insisted they go straight round, fully expecting to find a disorganised mess and a neglected baby, but she had been wrong. She had been so wrong, and she mentally kicked herself for it.

Kakashi must have done everything possible for the baby at the expense of neglecting himself, and the poor brave boy really didn't look as though he would last much longer.

"Kakashi-san?" she waited for his response before continuing. He carried a beautiful antique tea set and knelt at the table to pour the tea for his guests, replying in a quiet, strained voice "Yes, Sarutobi-sama?" passing her a cup of rich-smelling tea.

She smiled and thanked him before getting down to business.

"When was the last time you ate a proper meal?"

He responded blankly to all her questions, and she discovered that he had so little money he couldn't afford to eat more than once every few days, and then it was only rice and maybe a few vegetables. He looked forlorn at this, and said that he usually liked to eat a balanced diet, and that he loved to cook but just couldn't afford it any more.

At this Biwako couldn't help but take the child in her arms and hold him close. His maturity was astounding. Her own son Asuma was a little older than Kakashi, but he acted like a teenager, and she couldn't imagine him ever being able to do what this child was doing. It was heart-breaking, and as she held Kakashi's stiff body in her arms, and she felt every bone on his skinny, far too small frame under her fingers, she couldn't hold back her tears any longer, and sobbed onto the boy's shoulder.

He patted her back, awkwardly trying to offer whatever comfort he could. This made it worse; he shouldn't be comforting her.

She let him go and apologised, wiping her eyes while he avoided looking at her face, obviously uncomfortable around such a display of emotion.

"Kakashi-san, why didn't you come to me for money?" Hiruzen asked the boy softly. "I haven't seen any requests from you for financial aid. I'm so sorry that I neglected you, it's inexcusable, but you should have said something."

The boy's soft reply stunned both the elder people into silence.

"The receptionist wouldn't let me see you. She tried to give me the forms but I can't read or write so I had to use my savings."

The boy looked and sounded so tired and ill that Biwako realised with horror that if her husband hadn't remembered that morning, by complete chance, he probably wouldn't have lasted much longer. He was enduring, but barely, and his quiet resignation said it all. He was close to death and he knew it but still he would not give up. He would fight with everything he had to protect the baby, and even if he nothing he would give Naruto his love.

This was a truly extraordinary young man. Although Kakashi was small for his age and so painfully young, she couldn't see him as a child. No child could do this. No child could endure this, and no child, she was sure, could quietly and lovingly sacrifice himself slowly for the sake of a heartfelt promise.

There was no choice. She would take both of them in. Kakashi's stiff posture when she had hugged him told her that he was totally starved of love, and she wondered if he had ever even been hugged before.

She looked to her husband and knew he shared her thoughts when he gave her a small conspiratorial nod and smiled at Kakashi.

"Hatake Kakashi. I order you to report to the Sarutobi Residence in one hour's time with Uzumaki Naruto and anything you might need for an overnight stay. We will come back tomorrow for everything else we need for the baby. You are moving in with us for the time being."

Kakashi looked utterly stunned, as though he had been waiting for this moment his whole life and now it had finally come he couldn't comprehend that it was real.

"Do you mean that, Hokage-sama?" his dark eye widened a little, though Biwako noticed with concern that he kept the other eye firmly closed.

Hiruzen smiled warmly. "Yes, Kakashi. I mean it. I'm so sorry you've had to suffer like this, but I won't let you or Naruto have to put up with this again. I will take care of you both. Do you accept, shinobi of Konoha?"

"Hai" Kakashi said sharply, straightening up abruptly and bowing like the ANBU agent he was. If it wasn't for that damnable mask making it so hard to read him, Biwako could almost have sworn that he was grinning, and when he turned that now bright eye onto her she found herself utterly charmed


	3. Impressions: Hiruzen

(_Note: Minor typo/grammatical corrections made to Chapters 1 & 2, and the Summary has been changed. Also, my apologies for updating then deleting chapters 3 & 4. I accidentally updated the story before doing final checks on the new chapters in the Document Manager._)

Endurance

Chapter 3 – Impressions: Hiruzen 

The notion that Hatake Kakashi was one heck of an unusual kid struck the Third Hokage the moment he saw the boy's spotless flat. This notion stayed with him throughout the visit and the intervening time between leaving the kid's flat and waiting for him to arrive with the baby at his house, as he wondered what it was about the kid that had got his wife so worked up.

He obviously had to take the kid in, at least until he was in better shape, especially as it had been his fault that the situation had arisen in the first place. But the boy had looked almost excited at the prospect. This was a bit of a surprise, as Hiruzen had never thought of him as being particularly sociable, and Kakashi never seemed particularly comfortable around people in general, including himself and his wife.

He wondered why the boy should be so thrilled. He had pretty much expected Kakashi to turn down his offer and had been prepared to provide him with financial support and to finally send the promised women helpers around to give him some time off from the baby, but the child had jumped at the chance to move in with himself and his wife. He had even grinned, for goodness sake.

It wasn't that the kindly middle-aged Hokage didn't want Kakashi living with him and his family, he just hadn't been prepared for that sort of an emotional response from him.

Hiruzen pondered on it for a moment, then somthing clicked and it seemed so obvious now. He had downright forgotten that the kid had been closer to Minato than anyone else, and that he didn't seem to have any other close friends. Or any friends at all for that matter. After all, his old team was quite recently dead and you don't really get pally with ANBU team mates. It's not that kind of organisation. Besides, the Hokage remembered Minato bemoaning how Kakashi seemed to have been taking constant solo missions since joining ANBU. Although those masks were originally made to obscure a person's identity, they were designed to be worn in combination with the hooded cloak which only the ANBU stationed around the village wore nowadays. ANBU's assassins had ditched the cloaks a couple of generations ago, and seemed to revel in trying to look as individualistic as possible be it through having wild hair, or additions to their standard uniform or weaponry which were intended to help them to gain a fearsome reputation.

Forgetting this, Hiruzen had asked Minato how he knew that it was Kakashi. Minato had snorted and said that it is hard to hide when you're smaller than most ANBU and have a huge pile of grey hair sticking up over your mask. And when your mask resembles a wolf, as much as any of those masks actually resemble any creature. Hiruzen had always thought Kakashi would have gone for a dog rather than a wolf, as he seemed to have such an affinity with his numerous doggy summons, but Minato had helped him out there, again.

He had said that yes, the dogs were an important part of Kakashi the shinobi, member of Team Minato, but the wolf was a symbol of what the boy had since become. When he joined ANBU, he had to put aside all emotion and carry out each mission as though he were a tool. He had to be that much more ferocious, that much more deadly. The wolf was to the dog like the ANBU agent was to Kakashi. The same but different; stronger, faster, wilder, and with a different kind of fierce loyalty. Kakashi understandably wanted to adopt a different persona when he was on ANBU missions so that he might find it easier to come down afterwards, and to revert back to normal.

Hiruzen had presumed that Minato had advised this strategy, but the Fourth Hokage had told him with great pride that it had been Kakashi's own idea, which the boy had explained to his sensei with perfect clarity.

That's when Hiruzen had realised the strength of the bond between those two. Minato had seen Kakashi as a younger brother, and Kakashi had obviously reciprocated this, possibly seeing his sensei as a combination of big brother and father-figure. Minato had been family to Kakashi for longer than his own father had – Minato had been assigned the child when he was five, meaning they had worked together for nine years, while Sakumo had died when Kakashi was eight. For the most meaningful years of his childhood, Minato had effectively been Kakashi's guiding star, who he had obviously idolised.

Hiruzen sighed and rubbed his face. The poor kid must be devastated. He hadn't even thought... Of course, he'd known the child would be grieving, Minato had been his sensei after all, and that is nearly always a closely-forged bond, but he hadn't considered that the bond between the two might run deeper.

"The kid is just lonely! It's nothing more than that. He's upset, lonely and completely exhausted. I'm not surprised if he wants to be looked after for a bit", the Hokae thought, with slight relief that he had probably been trying to over-think the situation.

Biwako certainly seemed more than willing to take care of him, which was a surprise in and of itself, really. There were so many orphaned kids around recently and it was terribly sad, but she had always refused to take any of them in, saying that if they had it would look like favouritism and then they'd have to take in hundreds of the little dears. The Hokage can't be accused of playing favourites after all, Hiruzen knew that well. He'd already witnessed the unintended consequences of selectively comforting that little boy Iruka who's parents were killed in the attack. The other kids mercilessly picked on the child for being the Hokage's pet, and he'd heard the adults saying that there were many others in the same situation who didn't get special attention from the village leader.

He sighed. Kakashi was certainly unusual. The boy seemed to have charmed his wife into taking him in with little more than a pat on the back and a smile. No, that wasn't entirely true. Kakashi had struggled wilfully for months, and had done a grand job of looking after little Naruto all alone, and Hiruzen knew that the blame rested entirely with him. Although he really didn't know why the boy hadn't made more attempts to try to see him, when there may have been a different clerk in the desk.

He was soon to find out, as when Kakashi arrived with Naruto, three hours later (he had helped an old lady in his building break into her apartment as she had locked her keys inside – a likely excuse), the Hokage decided to sit the boy down immediately for a meal and a chat.

Well, that had been his intention at any rate, but when Biwako had presented Kakashi with a steaming bowl of beef katsu curry with plenty of vegetables, yet another way in which the kid was 'unusual' became apparent.

Hiruzen hadn't realised that he never took that mask off in front of people. This made talking over dinner impossible. Kakashi had clutched the bowl of food to himself, looking at it longingly, then glancing awkwardly around at the Hokage and his wife who were sitting across the table. He had seemed to be considering something for a moment, but then he gave an embarrassed chuckle and apologised, thanking them profusely for the food, which smelled wonderful, and he couldn't wait to tuck into it, before explaining that he would rather not eat in front of them if that was OK.

Hiruzen had exchanged mystified glances with his wife but they had both nodded and left the room, making Kakashi promise to call them back in when he was finished. Hiruzen wondered what this boy must have lived through to make him so guarded, and wondered if perhaps they were in waters to deep to stand in with him, but he resolved to at least try to help him.

So the conversation finally took place. It was almost half an hour before Kakashi had given the signal that he had finished eating, and to the surprise of the Sarutobis his bowl was only half empty.

Kakashi saw their looks, and apologised, saying it was delicious, but he just found it hard to eat much any more. It was probably a result of becoming used to eating practically nothing, but Biwako still pressed him with offers of something else to eat; pudding, fruit, bread, ice cream, and all manner of foodstuffs which the boy had turned down, saying that he was full.

The Third Hokage's first question for Kakashi was the one which had been biting him. Why had he given up trying so easily on trying to see him?

The answer was unexpected, and saddened the couple even further. Kakashi said in his plain manner that he had not tried again because he had thought that it must have been some kind of test.

What the hell had happened to this child? Even the most elite shinobi, such as himself and his students the Legendary Sannin, and even Kakashi's father, had been able to relax and let their guard down to a large extent when not on a mission, but Kakashi seemed incapable of this. He didn't seem to be able to distinguish between being on and off duty, and trust was obviously something he struggled with. To not trust one's own Hokage when he made you a promise, and to interpret an obstacle such as an overzealous receptionist as some sort of challenge or test of his skills... What sort of shinobi would react like that, Hiruzen asked himself. Then he chuckled dryly to himself. A damn good one, that's what. A shinobi is taught never to be caught off his guard; never to take anything at face value; to always look underneath the underneath. Most shinobi applied this only to their professional life, but Hiruzen was quickly starting to realise why Kakashi was such an unusual child. He had no other life. This child was one hundred percent pure shinobi.


	4. Moving Forward: The Feeling of Home

Endurance

Chapter 4 - Moving Forward: The Feeling of Home

After being ordered to move in with the Third Hokage, Kakashi had felt oddly elated. It was not a feeling he was familiar with, and he remembered it only vaguely from, possibly, a time he had shown his father a new jutsu that he had completed, and had been heartily praised for it. (Thinking back, Kakashi was quite sure it had been the Uchiha speciality, the Grand Fireball jutsu,that had so impressed his father, and he wondered what his father would say now if he knew his son had use of another, quite different Uchiha speciality. His eye throbbed painfully as though it knew what he was thinking. Or was it Obito trying to tell him something..?) But that had been a long time ago back when Kakashi was just a kid, when his father and Minato-sensei had given him almost enough love to get by on.

The way Biwako-san had hugged him had felt strangely good, and for some reason acknowledging this to himself made Kakashi feel somehow dirty, as though it were wrong for him to accept comfort from anyone else. He didn't want her, with her sweet eyes and gentle smile, and her warm, warm arms, to become tainted by him. Everyone who had shown him comfort or love was now dead. Kakashi thought of the grief it would cause her family if he were to take her life as well. The Hokage-sama, Asuma, her other children if there were any (he thought Asuma might have had an older brother, but he really didn't know), and how it could bring the village to its knees if the Hokage-sama could no longer function through his pain. Kakashi had seen the love between the two of them. He may not have experienced it himself but he recognised love when he saw it, and it broke his heart to think that such love could be torn apart for the sake of helping a child such as himself.

Of course, Kakashi was not so self-obsessed that he thought everything revolved around him, and that his mere proximity to someone would summon the grim reaper, but neither could he allow himself to just take what he wanted without a thought for the possible consequences. That early lesson from his father had stuck fast.

He thought of the animals for a moment and felt sad.

Then he brightened as he realised he'd already wasted about fifteen minutes and didn't have long to go until he had to leave. In spite of his misgivings, Kakashi's optimistic side told him to just go along with it. It had been their suggestion after all, and they had seen his reaction to it. To his shame he hadn't been able to hide his happy grin when the suggestion had been made; something he blamed on being thrown off his game by his tiredness and the fact that he hadn't known how to deal with Biwako-san's display of emotion.

With new found enthusiasm, Kakashi made his way to the baby's room and looked down at it. He thought the baby would be better off with experienced parents anyway. The Sarutobis had already brought up a family, and Asuma had always seemed to be a happy kid with lots of friends, as well as being a good shinobi now that he was older. That was exactly what Kakashi wanted for the baby. For Naruto, he corrected himself. It's name is Naruto. His name.

Kakashi picked up the baby and twirled once, holding him in the air and looking at his funny little scrunched up face. His heart was filled with a love so huge it seemed to physically hurt, and he knew he was lost. He didn't want to hand Naruto over to anyone else, no matter how brilliant they would be as parents. He didn't think he could trust anyone else with his baby. His sensei's baby, he corrected himself. The little creature needed him. He had been the one to answer each heart-wrenching cry, the one to hold the baby close and let it sleep on his chest giving it the closeness it craved.

He had given up everything for this baby, while no one else had expressed any interest aside from the perpetual threats to kill the demon if only anyone knew where the hell that senile old Hokage had hidden it. Kakashi had often smiled to himself when he heard this talk while out shopping in the marketplace, glad that no one knew where Naruto was. He'd be damned if he ever let anyone find him either.

He went out infrequently, and when he did venture out it was always under cover of his henge no jutsu. The fact that he never showed his true appearance when he went out made him realise how alone he really was. No one ever asked where Hatake Kakashi was, and it hurt. He wondered if his ANBU squad, who he had only worked with a couple of times, ever wondered. He didn't expect so. The only person who had asked after him the whole three months had been an old lady who lived across the hall from him.

Although he'd been too stuck up to appreciate it properly at the time, being part of a squad had suited him. It was like having a family, he guessed. You didn't choose your parents and siblings, and you didn't always get along, but when it came down to it they would always be there when you needed them, and losing them hurt like hell.

Now he was Naruto's family, and he would do what it took to be a good older brother to him.

Kakashi had never had any hobbies or pastimes to speak of really, as he was always too busy training when he wasn't on missions (and he wasn't crazy enough to call training a hobby like that nutty kid Maito Gai who had filled in for Obito on the two missions Team Yellow Flash had taken before Rin had died and Minato-sensei had become Hokage). The only thing that he could genuinely say brought him pleasure; the thing he always looked forward to which kept him going on the way back from missions; the other thing he had learned from his father besides how to kill, was cooking. He had loved to visit the market on the way back from an assignment, and no matter how tired he was he would always feel better when he saw whatever meat they had on special offer that day. He would buy it, then scoot around the marketplace eagerly searching for just the right accompaniments to create the perfect meal. Kakashi had always cooked and eaten alone, and it had never crossed his mind to invite his team mates round for a meal, although in hindsight maybe he should have. It would have been awkward though, as he couldn't have eaten in front of them anyway.

Kakashi looked down at himself, noticing as though for the first time how narrow his hips looked. He moved to stand in front of the mirror, and felt as though he was looking at someone else. While he had never been chubby, Kakashi had never been this, well... this was a little bit scary, if he was honest with himself. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed. No wonder Biwako-san had been upset. He found himself longing for something nice to eat, and hoped that Sarutobi-san would have something ready when he got there. His mouth watered at the thought, and a small tear squeezed itself unbidden from his closed left eye. Cooking had been his one pleasure, and in a life so absolutely barren and duty-bound that even that had felt like an indulgence, it had meant a lot to Kakashi.

But he had to give that up for Naruto. And looking at the little bundle of blankets in his arms, he knew it was worth it.

Glancing at the clock Kakashi noticed that he still had just over half an hour to go, so, feeling tired and remembering his previous interrupted attempt at getting some sleep, he put Naruto down and laid out on his bed to hopefully grab a quick nap. His head was pounding slightly less than usual, and he felt more at ease, so it seemed like the ideal time to grab 'forty winks', whatever that expression was supposed to mean. He hoped it didn't mean forty minutes or he would be late for the Hokage-sama.

Although Kakashi had every intention of rolling over to set the alarm clock, his body had other ideas, and the moment his head hit the pillow he was out like a light. For almost two hours.

Waking up feeling a bit flustered, Kakashi noticed the time, shoved everything he thought he might need for the night into a bag, put the still-sleeping Naruto in the sort of hamper attachment that came with the pram he had bought, and made a dash for it.

That old lady just had to pick that moment to come up the stairs. She was a nice old lady of indeterminate age who had already been living there when Kakashi had moved in at age eight, and hadn't changed at all in those six years. Kakashi supposed that six years probably wasn't very long when you were her age, but to him it seemed like forever. Six years from now he would be twenty, for goodness sake!

The old lady spoke to Kakashi whenever she could, and thanks to his so obviously orphaned status she had at first tried to help him out, which he had not appreciated at the time. Now he rather enjoyed bumping into her when he went to the market. In disguise, of course.

Kakashi sighed. Much as he liked her, he just didn't have time right now.

She said that she hadn't seen him in a long while, hadn't the weather been bad lately, she was sorry he had been ill, but was glad his friend came over often to spend time with him. She asked whether he had received the chocolates she had asked his 'friend' to pass on, and he had answered that he had enjoyed them very much, thank you.

Kakashi didn't think he could handle being questioned about the baby, so before the old lady had reached him he had used a henge technique to make minor alterations to Naruto and the blankets so it looked like he was carrying a covered picnic basket, which was much easier to explain. In fact, to his relief the woman didn't even ask about it.

Kakashi just hoped Naruto wouldn't start crying just yet. He was always sensitive to chakra being used around him, which Kakashi guessed was probably to do with the Kyuubi, so he had altered the basket as little as possible so as to use less chakra in the hope that the baby wouldn't react. It all seemed to go fine; the picnic basket remained silent, and Kakashi and the old lady said their farewells.

But just as he was heading off down the stairs, she called back to him, her voice slightly pleading, and Kakashi knew she was going to ask for some sort of favour.

He was right. She asked him if he would mind climbing through her living room window, which she knew was open, to open the door from the inside as she seemed to have lost her keys and had frozen food in her shopping trolley. As she knew he was a ninja, she didn't think this would be too difficult, even though he was so young and had just been ill.

Kakashi had of course obliged, although he was worried about leaving Naruto unattended in the guise of a picnic lunch. He put the basket up onto a small wooden chest the lady kept outside her apartment, mentioning that the basket had some very delicate cakes inside which he wouldn't want anyone to step on or kick by accident. The danger was of course that the lady would take a peek at these enticing cakes, so as a precaution Kakashi used a surreptitious hand sign to cast a genjutsu on the woman so that if she looked in the basket she would see nothing but beautiful cakes inside. He then leapt out of the window to try and finish this good deed as quickly as possible before anyone else arrived in the corridor, or before he discovered he had made the cakes look a bit too enticing and the woman tried to eat one.

Finding the missing keys on a small table by the front door, Kakashi handed them to the lady as he exited the apartment, releasing the genjutsu as he brushed her hand. She tried to invite him in but although he would have liked to accept he didn't think even Obito would have been able to get away with being more than two hours late to see the Hokage.

Luckily, fate was kind to Kakashi for once and he made it outside before his picnic basket began to whimper. Waving back at the old lady, Kakashi felt somehow free, for the first time in his memory. He even had a genuine Obito-like excuse for being late. Fantastic! The Old Man would love that! He surprised himself when a laugh escaped his lips. It was a genuine, free sound that he had never heard before coming from himself. Although it was brief, Kakashi felt that this could be the start of something for him. Something new and different. Something better.

Kakashi wondered if this feeling was hope, releasing the jutsu on the basket and looking down at Naruto. The whimpers hadn't developed into cries, and the baby had fallen asleep again.

If it was hope,it was wonderful but bitter-sweet, he thought, looking up at the few white clouds in the blue sky above Konoha.

One cloud looked rather like Rin at a first glance, but the wind altered it's shape changing it into something more like a dove and Kakashi laughed again at this. It was appropriate that Rin should change into a dove. She had always been so peace-loving. Why on earth had she ever become a shinobi? Kakashi forced himself to shut off this train of thought before he got around to the part where he blamed himself for everyone's deaths. It might be true, but it was not helpful. He had to focus on the here and now; on the living. One cloud looked like Naruto, and he smiled again. It might resemble him, but no cloud could ever be as beautiful or as perfect as the baby himself.

Wondering where the hell that rather mushy thought had come from, Kakashi realised he had arrived at the Sarutobis' house, so he knocked, feeing a little sheepish but secretly proud at his lateness. A smell of food came from inside the house, and Kakashi hoped there might be some for him. He was now very hungry, and using even the small amount of chakra it had taken to execute the two jutsu and to walk along the wall to the woman's window had really taken a lot out of him in his exhausted state.

Biwako-san answered the door herself, wearing an apron decorated with printed chilli peppers and, of all things, slices of naruto. She smiled warmly at Kakashi and cooed at Naruto, inviting him to take his sandals off and come in and put the baby in her sitting room for now. The Hokage-sama had met him further down the hall welcoming him to his home, and Kakashi had bowed and apologised for being late and had pulled out the reason for (part of) that lateness, at which the Old Man had smile in good-natured disbelief.

When he was invited to sit at the table with the Old Man Hokage and his wife, and was presented with a huge bowl of wonderful-smelling curry, Kakashi felt himself almost overflowing with emotions he couldn't even name. He wanted so badly to eat the food in front of them, like a family, that he even paused for a moment to consider the possibility, but it was just too soon. He couldn't let them see his face – his sensei had never even seen it.

With a sad realisation he asked them, greatly embarrassed, if he might eat alone. His inner-pessimist told him that perhaps this was not something he could have after all, but he ignored it. Not yet, he thought. Perhaps not yet but soon, someday soon I'll be able to have this. This thing that I want so badly but can't put a name to. This... feeling of home.


	5. Moving Forward: Enter the Toad Sennin

Chapter 5 – Moving Forward: Enter the Toad Sennin

It was a cold and frosty winter's dawn when the Legendary Gama-Sennin Jiraiya-sama finally reached the gates of his beloved home village. He was returning home after almost a whole year's absence, and couldn't wait to greet his many old friends, not least old Sarutobi-sensei. News had reached Jiraiya that the old man had resumed his role as Hokage, and he was keen to find out how his old teacher was doing. The poor old fellow would die on the job at this rate. Jiraiya recalled his sensei speaking with quiet longing of his plans for a peaceful retirement spent with his garden, his grandchildren and his wife, in that order. Jiraiya seriously doubted whether the Old Man would ever get his wish at the rate things were going.

Speaking of dying on the job... Minato.

Saddening, Jiraiya's mind unwillingly turned to the other piece of news which had reached him; the sacrifice of his beloved student.

He sighed deeply and bent his head in thought, and it seemed the forest shared his sadness at the young hero's death. The trees dipped their bows in sorrow, and the birds hushed all but their most sombre songs in respect for the dead Hokage. Even the semi-frozen dew drops which clung to each blade of grass seemed to sparkle less brightly. Jiraiya had always felt he understood the forest; it had witnessed so many battles and seen so much bloodshed that it was simply tired of it all and wanted nothing more or less than peace.

Even the land cannot bear to watch so many young lives cut short so violently.

While Jiraiya loved his village and the people within it, and could not imagine choosing any profession other than being a ninja, he hated the shinobi world and all its cruelty. The young were all but brainwashed into seeing ninja as glamorous, and entered the training programme at an early age only to grow up locked into a way of life from which they could never escape. By the time they graduated and slowly came to realise through cold, hard experience that being a ninja was anything but glamorous, they had doubtless already lost too much, and become too much a part of the system to even consider that getting out was an option. It was institutionalisation at its worst, and even though under the relatively gentle hand of the Third Hokage the exploitation of children was viewed as an evil, the system still encouraged kids to join when they were too young to really know what they were doing.

Jiraiya had made his feelings known pretty loudly when he was younger, but nowadays he could see Sarutobi-sensei's point that to become decent shinobi, kids had to start their training young so that the skills required became second nature to them. It had been the drafting of the White Fang's 5-year-old son which had prompted Jiraiya to speak out in the first place, but the Council had dismissed him, saying that when the war was over things would change. There were no two ways about it, starting them young was the best way to create good ninja, and was one reason Konoha had always been so strong compared to Suna, for example, where ninja tended to start their training in their early teens. The Council had told the young Jiraiya that, technically, children were not forced into anything. They were not obliged to complete the full Academy programme once they joined, and could leave at any time. No one was forced to graduate, and even after a child graduated and was assigned to a genin squad there was nothing keeping them there. But that was part of Jiraiya's point; even if the system didn't actually force them to stay, their parents often did, and there was nothing telling them they could leave either.

When you lived in a hidden village full of shinobi, the idea of becoming a ninja held obvious allure to most children, especially when attending ninja school promised lessons in how to throw weapons, use chakra, and do all sorts of other things which are the ultimate in cool for a kid. There was really nothing along the way to put most kids off, so the vast majority who were able graduated and embarked upon a path too shrouded in glamour and mystery to see where it might lead. In a hidden village, becoming a ninja was not treated with the same gravity as civilians treated joining the army, and in Jiraiya's mind it should be. Kids should be given a regular education, he thought, and then make the life-changing decision to become shinobi when they were in their teens and able to make a proper decision. It was true, once peace had descended again things had started to change under the Fourth, but not quickly or drastically enough, and now that Minato was gone although Jiraiya knew the Third would try to continue what had been started, Sarutobi-sensei could never quite stand up to his hard-liner ex-team mates on the Council.

It was therefore in a sober mood that the famed Jiraiya re-entered the Village, his mind running through the many people he would have to visit now that he was home; some he looked forward to seeing and others he most definitely did not

Amongst the former was Tsunade-hime, of course, if his old team mate was in the Village. Today could very well be the day the Slug Princess would finally want to kiss her Frog Prince. If today was destined to be that day, who was he to stand in the way of Fate? He grinned broadly to himself. Even Tsunade could only resist such charm as his for so long, it was just a matter of time and timing.

Jiraiya thought of the other reunions he was looking forward to. Sarutobi-sensei, of course, and his lovely wife. And Minato's favourite student, Sakumo's brat Kakashi, if he was still alive. MInato had sent word of his other student Rin's death to Jiraiya, and he had already known about Obito before he had left on his travels, and he couldn't help but worry for the last survivor of the only team Minato had ever led. He felt sad for the boy Kakashi. Jiraiya, with his many years of shinobi experience, felt the loss of his dear student very keenly. He had, lost his family and many friends over the years, but fortunately he was yet to lose either his sensei or his team mates, and he had never lost so many important people in such a short time. He could only imagine how the kid would be feeling now. Poor little bugger, he thought, his warm heart overflowing with sympathy.

Shaking himself from his reverie and flinging a jaunty wave at the gate guards, Jiraiya headed for his old sensei's house, pulling out a copy of his brand new book from the folds of his outfit as he went. He had found the time to get it published whilst on his reconnaissance mission – he had ingeniously used being a writer as his cover, so had to write to keep up the pretence, of course. This would be just the thing to cheer up a young ninja, and allow him to escape the troubles of his life for a few hours.

Opening the book to the inside front cover, he drew out a handy brush and ink set from the front of his voluminous and stylish haori with a dramatic flourish, and inscribed the book in his flowing script:

_Dearest Young Kakashi,_

_In hope, and a promise of a lasting peace and happier times to come._

_Yours, Jiraiya_

He thought this was plain enough so the brat would understand the poignancy of it – he wasn't stupid after all – yet not so obvious as to slam the causes of his grief into the kid's face.

Of course, Jiraiya knew that Kakashi was technically 'too young' to be reading his first published work of romantic fiction, "Icha Icha Paradise", but he didn't honestly care. Age restrictions on something as harmless as books seemed ludicrous to Jiraiya when applied to the shinobi world. The way he saw it, anyone considered old enough to kill and be killed for their village was old enough to read romantic novels, and even old enough to participate in the activities described within.

Jiraiys found himself wondering if Kakashi had ever... been with a woman. He doubted it, unless perhaps for a mission. That kid was too duty-bound to ever have fun, he thought. Well, that was something Jiraiya would have to remedy; perhaps he would take the kid on his next research trip. He would tell Sarutobi he was training the kid – he'd never have to know the truth of it.

He imagined all the women who would be swarming around him like flies when they saw him with that cute kid. He could say the brat was his son – Sakumo wouldn't mind. He'd probably appreciate someone showing the kid a good time for a change. At least no one would ask about the hair like they had when Jiraiya had taken his 'son' Minato with him years before, and he'd had to keep on telling them the blond boy took after his mother. Jiraiya chuckled at the memory. This would be fun!

Jiraiya paused in the street as happy memories of his past adventures came flooding back to him. Times had been good, and he had many memories stored away which he could call on when he felt like it, and he looked forward to the new memories he would doubtless create with Kakashi and Minato's son. No matter how bleak things became, Jiraiya knew he could always rely on those memories to keep him going, and he felt that at times they had kept him sane. He owed it to his departed friends to do his utmost to give these kids good things to remember so that they would have something to fall back on in their future lives. Being a ninja was a hard road, and all too often it was a very short one. Jiraiya knew from his own harsh experience that it was difficult being one of the ones left behind, and if it hadn't been for all the memories of his happy childhood with his friends, he didn't think he could have made it this far. They gave him something to come back to when things looked bleak, and he would fight to protect those memories, as he would fight to protect the future generations of his village.

Walking onwards, Jiraiya surveyed the still-damaged streets of Konoha, hoping the Minato's baby had somehow survived it all. He hoped that something would remain of Minato and Kushina. It wasn't right that two such vibrant personalities should disappear without trace. The pair had been a rarity in the shinobi world, both forever smiling, overflowing with so much love and heartfelt joy at just being alive that it was hard to imagine them as top-level killers. They had been drawn to each other because of their similar outlook on life, each happy to find someone else who could take joy from the simple things in life; someone able to see the good in everyone and to find the silver lining beneath every cloud.

Of course, they were both about as loopy as it came. Fancy calling the kid 'Naruto' after all! Those two had been crazy alright, Jiraiya thought as he neared his old sensei's home. Sure 'Naruto' was the name he had given his lead character in the book he'd given Minato, 'Tales of a Gutsy Ninja', but that was a storybook character, not a child. He remembered lazily naming the character after the slice of fish stick floating in his ramen one drunken night. Minato had always loved ramen.

Jiraiya sighed. He would find the kid if he were still alive, and would help give him the best life that he could in honour of his gutsy student and his wonderful vibrant wife.

Stopping dead in the road once again Jiraiya slapped himself heartily on the forehead for being so negative, not failing to notice the odd stares he was getting from passers by. Of course Naruto would be alive, he was Minato and Kushina's kid, and had the Kyuubi sealed within him. If any child could survive such destruction it would be this one. The odds were stacked in his favour. The Sannin's mood picked up quickly, as it was wont to do, and he strode briskly onwards, his zori clacking along the paved streets like castanets heralding the legendary ninja's return.

Arriving at his old sensei's front door, Jiraiya raised his fist and knocked loudly.

His exuberant knocking was quickly answered by Biwako-oba-san, and Jiraiya could not have been more pleased (unless Minato himself had answered the door, yelling 'surprise'). He always forgot just what a nice lady she was.

"Jiraiya-kun, you're back!" Biwako-san exclaimed, holding out both her arms towards him. "It's so good to see you again, it's been far too long".

She disentangled herself from Jiraiya's bear hug and invited him in for tea, telling him softly how her husband was not up yet, and asking how he had been.

Jiraiya removed his zori and followed her down a long corridor to the kitchen. Traditional paper screens marked out the rooms to either side, and Jiraiya peered at them as he passed, trying to spot any signs of a baby's presence in the house. He felt sure that if Naruto had survived, this is where he would be, as his kind old sensei would no doubt have felt obliged to take him in.

Hell, why was he looking around for the baby as though he was still on a spying mission? That was over now, he could relax and just ask her about it!

He was the Toad-Sennin, for goodness' sake! The Legendary Jiraiya-sama, veteran of many battles and writer of soon-to-be-celebrated romantic fiction! He could bite the bullet and ask an old woman about a baby. He'd been on his guard for too long. Jiraiya shook his head and expelled a breath of air before becoming serious.

"Biwako-oba-san?" he asked as they arrived in the sunlit kitchen which overlooked a charming courtyard garden, "I've been wondering about Minato and Kushina's son Naruto. Did he survive the Attack?"

Biwako-san turned from her task of spooning tea leaves into the pot.

"Yes, thankfully he did, Jiraiya-kun. Although most of the village would rather he hadn't survived." She paused, glancing at the floor for a second. "I expect you know about the Kyuubi?"

She lifted her eyes to his again, and Jiraiya saw how much the whole situation was obviously affecting this kind woman.

He nodded in reply. "That's why I was concerned. No one knows the effects that type of sealing could have on a baby. Although I didn't bank on the villagers reacting so strongly." Jiraiya shook his head. He couldn't understand how anyone could feel any animosity towards an innocent child. Of course, he hadn't witnessed the Attack although he had heard many stories and had now seen the aftermath. But even imagining himself in the position of one of the villagers, he could never imagine wishing the child was dead, especially as it had been the very act of sealing the Kyuubi within him that had saved the village from complete annihilation. He liked to think that even as a civilian he would have understood Minato's sacrifice of not only himself but his own son to save the Village and bring it strength through the Power of Human Sacrifice, the Jinchuriki that he had created from his own beloved child.

"Would you like to see him?" Biwako put a cover over the tea pot and led the way further down the corridor, pausing outside a screen door. It was delicately painted with an old fashioned scene depicting a crane standing beside a calm lake, with Mount Fuji just visible in the background, and a sakura tree in full flower on the left hand side of the panel. Glancing to his left Jiraiya noticed, as he had expected, that the next panel continued the story. The next scene was filled with elegantly-dressed couples indulging in sake and elaborate bento on the lake shore, obviously there to view the beautiful cherry blossoms. The crane was nowhere in sight. Jiraiya found that this scene irritated him, so he looked back to the first one with the crane, which Biwako had was resting her hand on, preparing to slide it open. He much preferred the scene with just the bird. It belonged there in the landscape, and those people did not. They reminded him too much of the spoiled civilians who scorned shinobi yet relied on them. Civilians who wanted to kill a baby.

Biwako was speaking again, so he turned back to her.

"He woke up for a feed not too long ago, so if you're lucky he might still be awake. He's a lovely baby, but you'll soon see that for yourself." She smiled softly and silently slid the door open, beckoning Jiraiya to follow her inside.

It was a small sitting room, with a sofa, an arm chair and a table covered with knitting and sewing materials. Biwako's sitting room, Jiraiya surmised.

On the floor by the arm chair was a Moses basket, and to Jiraiya's surprise the chair was occupied by Kakashi, that lazy brat, fast asleep.

Biwako paused and looked down at the boy with a soft, motherly expression on her face. "Oh Kakashi" she breathed, gazing at the kid with a strange look in her eye.

Jiraiya thought she looked like she might cry, and really hoped that she wouldn't. He wasn't good with emotional females. Unless they were at least 20 years younger and wanted to cry on his shoulder, of course.

He approached the arm chair, sticking out his arm to shake the boy awake, when a restraining hand gripped his wrist. He turned questioningly to Biwako.

"Leave him be, Jiraiya-kun" she said quietly.

He would have ignored her but her face was deadly serious, so he shrugged and turned to look at the sleeping baby instead. He couldn't really see a lot, and couldn't get closer to move the blankets aside as Biwako was in the way, picking up the basket to leave the room.

Jiraiya lingered a moment longer, looking at Minato's young student, sprawled in the chair dead to the world. He couldn't help but smile a little, and the urge to wake the kid up was hard to ignore.

He was lying an awkward-looking position, sitting on the edge of the chair with his body slumped over sideways and his face crammed into the chair's cushioned arm. His left arm dangled over the side of the chair, the fingers of his hand just barely gripping a baby's bottle which dripped steadily onto the carpet, while his other arm hugged some sort of soft yellow toy tightly against his chest. Was that a frog, Jiraiya wondered?

He shook his head, wishing he had a camera so he could embarrass Kakashi later.

Was that kid always so skinny, he wondered with a backward glance over his shoulder as he closed the panel with the crane and the cherry tree behind him, leaving Kakashi to his sleep.

* * *

Note: Please accept my apologies for taking so long in posting this chapter. I originally wrote this as the 3rd chapter, but something seemed missing so I put those in. I've had a hard time with this chapter, and I'm not sure it really fits the mood of the previous parts but I've worked on it for long enough it's time to move on!

I really appreciate the lovely comments that have been left, and those who have added alerts & favourites although they are partly why I have taken so long updating... I wanted it to be perfect! :-( Thank you, I really hope this does not disappoint too much.

I have also been distracted by reading "Fated" by leafygirl. It is a very sad story about Kakashi and Sakura, and I cried at the end and could hardly bear to go on reading it. I would recommend any of her stories, by the way. I think they are mainly Kakashi & Sakura-based, but she does write well.


	6. Moving Forward: Jiraiya's Offer

Moving Forward: Jiraiya's Offer

Biwako-oba-san had retreated to the main sitting room with the baby and Jiraiya soon joined her and plumped down enthusiastically on the floor beside the basket, peering in eagerly at the baby which Biwako-san had uncovered.

He had Minato's bright yellow hair framing his small round face, and whisker-like marks on his cheeks. Jiraiya thought he looked content lying there asleep. Oh to be a baby. Naruto doesn't have a worry in that little head of his, and besides sleeping and eating and looking around, there is absolutely nothing to do. What bliss it must be, Jiraiya thought with a smile, touching the baby's scrunched up little hand with his finger and chuckling as the little hand latched onto it. He hoped this kid wouldn't have to grow up holding a kunai in that little hand, but given who he was it seemed incredibly unlikely that Naruto could live a normal civilian life if he stayed within Konoha. The bitter truth was that this kid was destined to be a ninja.

Jiraiya couldn't help but coo a little at the sleeping baby, which made Biwako-san smile.

"Wow, he's cute for a baby, but those markings on his face make him a bit too distinctive for my liking." He could imagine the kid as he grew up and ventured out into the Village. Everyone would know that he was the boy with the Kyuubi sealed inside of him, and he'd never be able to hide from that.

Biwako-san leaned in to get a better look at Naruto's face, putting a hand on Jiraiya's shoulder as she moved closer to the basket. She spoke softly, her voice coloured by sadness.

"He's a great baby. Perfect, in fact. But you're right about those marks. They've already nearly cost him his life."

Jiraiya was horrified when Biwako-san told him about the assassination attempt at the orphanage, but wasn't all that surprised. He did wonder why the baby had been put in the orphanage to start with, but guessed it had probably been the Council's doing.

Biwako-san continued; "since then Kakashi-kun's been taking care of Naruto, and there haven't been any more attempts on his life as far as I know. At least, Kakashi-kun hasn't said anything if there have been".

Jiraiya smiled. "If you've employed that kid as a bodyguard I doubt many civilians would want to risk having a go at it. From what I've heard he's building quite a fearsome little reputation for himself. Even most shinobi would stay clear."

Even on his travels, Jiraiya had heard of Konoha's latest sensation Sharingan no Kakashi. The small-town bars Jiraiya frequented were already full of legends of his deeds during the war, most of which were completely untrue and exagerated of course, but Jiraiya had listened to them all with a great sense of pride. He liked the kid, and knew he was a talented ninja who would go far. Jiraiya had even on occasion used his acquaintance with Kakashi as a way into the conversations of both potential informants and potential female conquests, and he might have added a legend or two of his own making along the way. He reckoned he was probably doing the kid a favour. He knew from his own experience that being a legendary ninja was foolproof in becoming a hit with the ladies. Although in hindsight he realised some of his tall tales may have upped Kakashi's Bingo Book bounty, which would make him more of a target. But still, the ladies like a big bounty. And besides, Jiraiya couldn't help telling stories; he was a writer after all.

Biwako-san was shaking her head and sighing a little, and it made Jiraiya wonder what he had said so he asked her what was wrong, and could barely conceal his surprise at the answer.

"That child isn't hired as a bodyguard. He's been single-handedly looking after Naruto since just after the incident at the orphanage, so you could say he's been more of a guardian."

He had presumed the Sarutobis would have looked after Naruto from the start. When Biwako-san went on to tell him how he had coped alone for 3 months before her husband had even remembered Naruto existed, her voice almost breaking as she told the sad tale, Jiraiya didn't bother to hide the disgust on his face. Kakashi was a good boy, he always had been, but this was asking far too much of him, surely? He was an excellent ninja, but looking after a baby was not a ninja mission, and the kid was totally unequipped for that type of reponsibility.

Biwako-san looked into Jiraiya's face, her eyes moist, and spoke with utmost sincerity.

"Jiraiya-kun. We've been hoping you'd get back soon. Kakashi-kun has been staying with us for 5 days now, and I know that's not a long time, but he can't seem to wind down at all and he doesn't seem much better than he was when we went over there last week. He's so devoted to Naruto he wont let anyone else feed him, and he's only just begun to allow me to even change him but only as long as he stays in the room. He'll probably wake up soon and come looking for him, you know. He's hardly sleeping at all. I know from my own experience that it's impossible to sleep through a baby's cries, especially once you become attuned to them, so he's obviously up all through the night, and I know that he's been having some terrible nightmares..." Here she trailed off and wiped at her eye in a gesture that hurt Jiraiya. She was a strong woman, so the situation must be bad for her to show her emotions so freely.

"That's why I'm so keen to let him get whatever rest he can. When we checked on him he was in such a state, Jiraiya-kun. He's a dear little thing, he really is, and he treats Naruto as though he's his own child, but he's always on edge. I really think it would be a great help if you could take him somewhere for a bit of a holiday. I'm sure you could do with it as well, it's almost a year you've been gone, isn't it?"

She seemed to be almost pleading with him, and as Jiraiya's own intentions matched up with what she was asking anyway, he hurried to reassure Biwako-san that he would do what he could to help. He placed his large hand on her arm in a comforting gesture and smiled warmly.

"I was thinking of taking him away for a bit anyway. He's had a rough time of it lately, and losing Minato must be devastating for him. As well as that, I don't think he's ever had a break from being a ninja. I'd like to show him a little bit of life, and perhaps get him to lighten up and act like a kid for a change." He was relieved when Biwako-san smiled back at him.

"My thoughts exactly, Jiraiya-kun. Hiruzen says Kakashi-kun trusts you, so maybe you can get him to open up a little. He really needs the chance to grieve properly." Jiraiya could see the tears working their way back into Biwako-san's eyes. "Oh Jiraiya-kun, he's such a darling kid" she exclaimed, to Jiraiya's surprise. "I can't bear to see him so run down. It's just, I don't know. It's hard to put it into words, but it's terribly unfair. Kakashi-kun just needs looking after. There's only so much anyone can take, even a little angel like him."

Jiraiya squeezed her arm gently. "You're really taken with him, aren't you, Biwako-san?" He knew how she felt. Kakashi had a way of doing that to people somehow. People wanted to place their bets on him. It was this rare quality that had helped earned him his entrance to ANBU, and it made him a natural leader in everything he did.

She nodded and smiled a little. "I'm hopelessly lost, Jiraiya-kun. Hiruzen thinks it's silly of me, but I can't help but want to help him. He's so strong and brave, and he would give his life in an instant to protect Naruto and I admire that, but he should never have been put in that position. He's too young to bear that sort of burden, and he doesn't yet understand that he can't do everything alone."

She stopped and cocked her head, listening.

"He's coming" she whispered.

Jiraiya heard the almost silent sliding of the screen door as Kakashi slid it closed behind himself, then there was nothing at all, but he knew Kakashi was walking down the corridor, he could feel his chakra ever so slightly. The kid was masking it well enough that most ninja wouldn't pick it up, but Jiraiya's training with nature manipulation had made him more sensitive to the chakra around him. He would have to teach the kid how to mask his chakra properly.

Leaning towards Biwako-san, Jiraiya whispered as quietly as he could so that Kakashi wouldn't pick it up.

"Don't worry , Biwako-san. I'll do what I can to help. You have my word."

* * *

Note: Sorry this one is short. I'm sick of writing from Jiraiya's point of view as I've been at it for nearly 2 weeks getting nowhere fast! It was originally something I wanted to do, but it turned out being a lot harder than the rest of it. I don't think I'm really 'in tune' with the Ero-Sennin! Sorry people, I'm looking forward to trying my best on the next chapter!

Now, it's Friday night, 8pm, and it's time to go for a beer :-)


	7. Kakashi's Heart

Kakashi's Heart

Sitting bolt upright in the armchair, Kakashi instinctively knew that Naruto was no longer in the room. Emerging from the confused haze of his nightmares, he soon realised where he was, and knew that it was unlikely Naruto was in immediate danger.

Still, Kakashi couldn't feel comfortable without knowing exactly where the baby was, and he certainly couldn't go back to sleep until he had checked to make sure his precious charge was safe. With a deep, tired sigh, he heaved his protesting body from the chair and stretched out, feeling a lot more like forty than fourteen.

He wanted to sleep so badly that even the nightmares seemed almost welcome if he could just relax enough to get to sleep in the first place, and if he could just stay asleep for longer than a couple of hours at a time. He had always been a light sleeper, and it had often served him well on missions, but right now Kakashi just wished he didn't wake up at every little sound.

Something entered his mind suddenly, the way thoughts do as the sleeper gradually moves from a sleeping to a waking state. It was not something that Kakashi could immediately grasp. It seemed airy, not quite solid.

Was Jiraiya-sama here?

Kakashi must have partially woken up as Biwako-san and Jiraiya-sama had entered the room and stood looking at him, although the memory of it was vague and just beginning to return to him.

They must have taken Naruto, he quickly realised.

Biwako-san seemed so worried about him, Kakashi thought, and she was always trying to get him to sleep whenever he could. He almost wanted to stay in the little sitting room with the sewing and knitting and pretend he was still asleep, just to make her feel better, but he needed to find Naruto.

The baby had become an obsession for Kakashi since he had moved in with the Sarutobis. He hadn't realised it back at his own flat, as there had never been anyone else around, but now he was almost afraid of his own protectiveness over the baby. He was trying, but it had been impossibly hard for him to let anyone else even hold Naruto at first, although now he could let others hold him while he watched them closely, and he even trusted Biwako-san to take Naruto out of his sight, but only her.

He couldn't let anyone else feed the baby yet, although they all insisted he should let them do it and try and sleep. But Naruto's cries always woke him up anyway, and he couldn't get back to sleep until he knew the baby was properly fed and settled back down in his cot, so there was really no sense in someone else feeding him.

Kakashi knew it was crazy not to trust them, and each time he woke up to feed Naruto he told himself to let Biwako-san do it and just watch, or to go back to bed. But each time Naruto cried, Kakashi found that rational voice in his brain disappeared, and he felt only a strong, uncontrollable need to protect his baby from everything.

Through all of the kindness the Hokage-sama and his family had shown him, and in spite of the desperate longing that Kakashi had felt when he had been ordered to move in with them which had made him leap at the offer, he was struggling to cope with the constant people around him all the time.

He felt as though he was going mad and really wanted to be on his own for a bit. Just himself and Naruto again. That would be nice, he thought, but he couldn't throw their hospitality back at them. They had been so kind to him, and he really did appreciate it. Just everything was a little bit too much too fast and it overwhelmed him.

The one person Kakashi did genuinely enjoy spending time with was Biwako-san. She had been so kind, and she was never pushy or overbearing in her kindness. She didn't try to talk to him constantly like the others did, and seemed just as content as he was to sit in silence without feeling the need to fill every moment with banal chatter. She helped with Naruto, and had already taught Kakashi a lot about babies that he didn't know. She seemed to understand his protectiveness over the baby, although he could see she found it strange at first. Kakashi supposed this was because she was a mother herself. He found it odd that he was acting like a mother to Naruto, but that was what Biwako-san had said it looked like, and now that he was amongst other people he had to agree with her that his behaviour was pretty motherly.

Not having known his own mother, the only experience Kakashi had of motherly love had been that between bitches and their pups. Having witnessed the behaviour of his pack of dogs whenever one of them had pups, he thought he understood where Biwako-san was coming from. He had said as much to her, and she had looked at him so sadly he really thought she might cry.

She seemed to look at him like that a lot, especially when they had a conversation together. Kakashi had noticed that the responses he gave her often brought her to the brink of tears. He hated that he made her so sad, and he tried to say as little as possible now until he could figure out why he made her feel that way.

The nice thing was though, that she didn't seem to pity him. Although she often looked at him sadly, it wasn't a look of pity, and her words were never patronising.

The Hokage-sama, although Kakashi knew he meant well, would often say something he felt was inspiring, and indeed it might have been inspiring to a child, but Kakashi couldn't help but find it irritating. The Hokage was wise, and he was undoubtedly a strong shinobi and a good man, but he tried too hard, and Kakashi found most of his comments and conversation either contrived or patronising. It was quite obvious the Hokage-sama didn't really want Kakashi there.

Sarutobi Asuma was a nice enough kid, but Kakashi didn't really understand him. He had been pretty friendly at first, and had persisted in trying to draw Kakashi into conversations about things that teenage boys like to do. He had even invited Kakashi out to the cinema with some of his friends, and he had gone not wanting to appear rude. The film had been about ninja and a man had committed Seppuku. The other boys had gasped at the graphic scenes playing out on the huge screen, but Kakashi had been too horrified to even breathe.

It had hit him like a volley of kunai to the chest. He really hadn't expected himself to react so violently to seeing something like that, and he was surprised and embarrassed by his own reaction. He had stopped breathing for so long that his lips had turned blue, Asuma had told him afterwards.

Asuma had been great, Kakashi had to admit. He had tactfully got his friend Genma to help him carry Kakashi out into the lobby, and a medic who had happened to be there had helped out.

It had been a panic attack, they had told him when he woke up in the hospital, disoriented and confused, and he had passed out. He decided he wouldn't go with them again, although the made sure to tell him the invitation was still open for the film they were seeing next week.

Kakashi had asked Asuma why anyone would enjoy watching something like that, but Asuma had answered honestly that he didn't know. Biwako-san had supposed it was sensationalism, and she guessed that civilians probably liked it because it wasn't something they saw in their normal lives. The cinema, she had said, like books and kids games, was a form of escapism to get away from normal life and just become absorbed in something else for a while. A way to relax.

This film had been far too close to the realities of ninja life for it to be an escape for Kakashi. A B-rank mission was probably more relaxing than watching that had been, and there was less opportunity for humiliation.

Kakashi had never read a book, or played a kid's game so he guessed he didn't really know what escapism was.

Sometimes when he was on a difficult solo mission, he had liked to watch the clouds and imagine they were the faces of the people he loved, and somehow seeing their faces in the big sky made him feel less alone, and gave him the hope and strength to continue. He hadn't been on a long mission for a while now, not since the Attack, and he wondered whose faces he would find in the clouds the next time he was out there alone, now that Rin and Minato-sensei were gone. He was sure he would see Naruto, and perhaps Biwako-san and Jiraiya-sama, and maybe even Asuma and his well-meaning friends. These were the people he fought for after all.

Kakashi wished more than ever that he could read. Perhaps books would be able to take him somewhere else, somewhere peaceful and different that he had never even imagined before. Books could be read alone, and any reactions to them would be private and not displayed in front of a whole room full of people.

Then Kakashi remembered that Jiraiya-sama was here. At least, he thought that he was.

He decided to go and find out, and check on Naruto at the same time. No doubt Jiraiya-sama had come to visit the baby as he had been away for so long. He was probably really upset over Minato-sensei, Kakashi thought. Perhaps it would be insensitive to jump on him and ask him to teach him to read straight away. Jiraiya -sama probably needed some time to himself first to see his student's son and to get over his grief a little.

Kakashi knew that people sometimes needed time to get over things like deaths, but he had not found that time helped. His father's death still felt as raw to him now as it had done at the time, and Minato-sensei's recent death didn't hurt any more than his father's did. They were both so painful.

Kakashi let out a tiny, strangled gasp that he hoped no one would hear. He closed his eyes and clutched his hands to his chest clenching his fists tightly together. The memories felt so fresh in his mind that they were almost physically painful.

Obito's eye began to throb mercilessly as Kakashi accidentally opened it a little bit, letting in the tiniest sliver of light which always seemed to kick-start the day's migraine. No, he was quite familiar with physical pain, and the ache in his chest didn't even compare. It was far, far more difficult to bear.

Bringing himself out of his grief with extreme mental effort, Kakashi opened his own eye and took a deep breath. He couldn't let anyone see him like this, least of all Biwako-san. It would probably kill her on the spot, he thought.

Sliding open the paper screen silently, Kakashi let himself into the corridor. The paper door made a slight sound as he eased it open with slightly less than his usual care and he froze at the sound. Now they would know he was coming. Carefully masking his chakra Kakashi slid the door closed again. He stood outside the room for a moment admiring the beautiful scene with the crane, the serene lake and the sakura tree. He allowed himself to imagine that he was that crane, and just for a second he felt free, and almost happy. This must be what escapism is all about, he thought. It was a wonderful feeling.

Kakashi's heart craved peace more than anything in this world, and he wanted to just be. To simply exist without pain or worries would be absolute bliss. To be an animal for a day, no, even an hour would be enough to give him memories to last a lifetime. To be that crane for an hour and be able to fly wherever he chose, without a thought in his head except where to find food, where to sleep and the sensations of each fleeting moment. To live in the now, and experience only the now; no past, no future, no cares. Kakashi longed for it desperately.

If a simple painted scene could provide so much food for his imagination, Kakashi wondered what an entire book could make him feel. He wanted to find out what it felt like to experience other people's imaginings, and he didn't want to wait any longer to learn to read. Kakashi couldn't remember ever having asked for something for himself; something that he just wanted, rather than something that would help him improve as a shinobi. Just this once, perhaps, he could get up the courage to ask Jiraiya-sama today.


	8. Breaking the Ice

_Disclaimer: Naruto and all its characters and locations do not belong to me, so I lay no claim to any of them. Nor do I claim any actual knowledge of anything Japanese apart from that which I have learned from Naruto, Bleach and from the British Museum Japan galleries.  
_

_

* * *

_Chapter 8 – Breaking the Ice

When Kakashi closed the door behind himself and stepped forward into the brightly sunlit room, Jiraiya was able to see what had been invisible in the shadows of the small sitting room, and he understood why Biwako-obaa-san was so concerned about the kid. The boy's eyes were ringed with dark bruises and he has a certain look about him that Jiraiya recognised from his decades of working with stoic ninja. The kid was in a lot of pain and he was hiding it well, the stubborn little bugger. His act was good, but just like his near-perfect chakra concealment it wasn't quite good enough to fool the Toad Sennin.

Jiraiya saw right through the façade created by the straight-backed posture and forcibly relaxed facial muscles to the agony carefully hidden beneath.

Scanning what little was on view of the kid's face Jiraiya couldn't stop looking at his closed left eye, slashed through by a neat, vertical scar.

He mused how it must be hard to keep that eye shut all the time, and if Kakashi struggled with depth perception but then, hell, it must have been so much harder to take a wound like that. And to have something as personal as someone else's eye – and a team mate's eye at that – transplanted into your face... Brutal.

Jiraiya felt a shiver run up his spine at the idea of being given an eye by a dying Orochimaru and having Tsunade cut it out and stick it straight into his empty socket on the battlefield. He almost shuddered visibly as he felt a wave of nausea sweep over him suddenly. He didn't think he could handle it.

And this wasn't just any eye either it was a god-damned Sharingan, which had to complicate things, surely.

Jiraiya recalled Minato-kun telling him about the tragic incident the last time he was back in Konoha. He had explained how Kakashi had been utterly devastated by what had happened, and had talked of the new-found respect and teamwork between the two boys which Kakashi had described to him. But Kakashi had bottled it all away somewhere inside of himself, so he could give his all to the war effort and do his best to comfort Rin in his endearingly awkward way.

Minato-kun had flashed a broad smile at Jiraiya and told him how proud he was of them both. He was proud of Rin for her unending compassion and her skill and quick actions during the battle which had probably saved both her own and Kakashi's lives through the eye transplant, which must have been both technically and emotionally difficult for her. And he was proud of Kakashi for finally seeing past the rules and regulations to genuinely succeed in working as a team, for his calm handling of the situation during the battle and his dedication to Rin afterwards.

Minato had told his teacher that Kakashi had guts, and Jiraiya remembered laughing and saying how he would make a fine storybook hero. After all, Jiraiya thought, looking at Kakashi's hair and being reminded of the boy's father, it's not what happens to a person that's important but how they deal with it.

Jiraiya smiled and quietly asked Biwako-san to give them a moment alone.

When she had gone, he decided the best approach was probably not to patronise the kid, but to get straight to the point.

"So, Kakashi. It's good to see you again, kid. I wont ask how you've been. I understand. Minato-kun was my student after all." He paused for a moment to gauge Kakashi's reaction. There was nothing, but then he didn't expect there to be.

"I can see you're in pain, Is it that eye of yours?"

The kid's eye widened in shock but when he spoke it was perfectly calm. "How did you know?" he asked quietly, not quite meeting Jiraiya's gaze.

Jiraiya chuckled to himself. This kid was impressive. Looking at him standing there it was pretty easy to forget he was an elite shinobi, the youngest ever Jounin and ANBU member in fact, if he remembered correctly.

"Let's chalk it up to experience, kid. You're hiding it well, I'll give you that, but I can tell. If it's really that bad I can get someone to come and look at it for you?"

Jiraiya had been about to suggest he take the kid to the hospital to get it checked, but a gut feeling told him that Kakashi would never even consider that.

The boy shook his head, and his whole body seemed to sag.

Now that he had been found out, it seemed it was too much effort for him to pretend that he was fine.

Jiraiya hadn't expected such an abrupt change in him. The blank façade crumbled, and his young face contorted in pain as he gave up his control.

With a gasp Jiraiya realised Kakashi's legs were about to give out on him and he was able to move just in time to catch him before he crumpled to the floor. He was as light as a feather, and Jiraiya felt his body trembling as he held him carefully.

"I'm so sorry, Jiraiya-sama", Kakashi whispered, trying to extricate himself from Jiraiya's arms to sit up unaided. No doubt he was embarrassed at appearing weak in front of such a famous ninja.

"Don't apologise, Kakashi. There's no shame in being unwell. Biwako-san told me you're ill because you've been sacrificing your own health to take care of Naruto. She invited you here so you can rest, and you deserve it. You don't have to hide it any longer, kid." Who else could have hidden this much suffering so convincingly from the Hokage and his wife for almost a week, JIraiya wondered.

"Really, Kakashi, we all just want to help you. Is there anything I can do to ease it?"

Jiraiya leaned the boy gently against the wall, keeping a hand on his shoulder in case he couldn't hold himself upright.

"No thank you, Jiraiya-sama. There's nothing that can be done, it always hurts more when I'm tired."

Jiraiya passed Kakashi a cup of green tea, which he gratefully accepted and began to sip through his mask. The Sannin shook his head inwardly at this odd behaviour but said nothing. He didn't want to be too heavy-handed in his approach as the kid would most likely shy away from him. The questions he was burning to ask about this mask business could wait, much as Jiraiya was itching to just ask him about it.

For now, Jiraiya pulled off the sash from his haori and moved back towards Kakashi. He had an idea that perhaps covering that eye up with something might help as it must be a strain to keep it closed all the time like that. It looked so awkward and made the boy's young face contort in a slightly lopsided way that must leave his facial muscles aching when he finally relaxed at night and closed both eyes.

Kakashi looked wary as Jiraiya approached, like a cornered animal, although he did his best to hide his anxiety. Slipping the strip of material around the kid's head Jiraiya tied it at the back, adjusting it to cover his closed eye, aware that his every movement was being tracked by Kakashi's other eye. He relaxed a little when he realised what Jiraiya was doing; a sign of his trust, perhaps.

Jiraiya stepped back to admire his handiwork.

"There. It must be hard keeping it closed. I hope this helps a bit. It looks pretty cool, I think. You could always get an eye patch otherwise..." the Legendary Sannin let loose a bellowing laugh as an image of Kakashi as a pirate flashed before his eyes, but he soon sobered when he saw the kid wasn't laughing, though he did seem to be attempting a smile. It was hard to tell, of course, but his eye was creased in a smiling sort of way.

Surveying the child in front of him, Jiraiya's eyes wandered from his crazy silver hair, down to his ageless dark eye set in that terribly young, too-thin face. They ran over the black mask the kid wore, and wondered vaguely why he hid himself like that, to his narrow shoulders and skinny, trembling body, clothed in a dark grey kimono with tiny clusters of chidori printed over it. The pattern was fascinating, and Jiraiya found himself following it from the concentration of the tiny abstract bird patterns at the hems of the body and sleeves to create what looked like, from a distance, looked like a simple gradient from black to grey going up the garment.

"Where did you get that kimono, kid?"

Jiraiya couldn't hide his curiosity this time. Why would a boy ninja like Kakashi have such an elaborate and obviously expensive outfit? It was very unlikely he had gone out to buy it, and from Biwako's story he wasn't exactly loaded with money.

"This?" Kakashi raised one arm to look at the wide silk sleeve. "It was for a mission I did," he answered simply.

This wasn't a good enough explanation for Jiraiya. As a storyteller himself, he always wanted to prise tales out of other people and wouldn't stop until he got something juicy. He decided he would try to push the conversation on a bit, keeping it light, but staying on the subject of the mysterious kimono.

"It's beautiful. And it looks expensive. What kind of mission was it? I wish I got given stuff like that for my missions. I'm lucky to get expenses paid for my accommodation!" He chuckled heartily again, hoping to draw something from the boy.

Kakashi's eye narrowed in what looked like another small smile.

"Well, it was a special mission. I was placed on a Daimyo's staff so I had to fit in."

"Oh?" Jiraiya questioned. "Is it classified? Can you tell me about it? I love infiltration missions!" Hopefully his enthusiasm would be infectious and might prompt the kid to say more than a sentence at a time.

"Well, I can't say much but I had to train as a taikomachi, and my cover was to act as a personal entertainer to the Daimyo. I can't tell you which Daimyo or what the mission objective was though, I'm sorry, Jiraiya-sama."

From the way the kid averted his eye as he said the last sentence, Jiraiya thought he had a pretty good idea of what the mission had been, although he retained a naive hope that he was wrong. There could only be one thing; to use any means possible to lure the Daimyo away from any witnesses and then to discreetly kill him, without implicating Konoha, of course.

Jiraiya had heard a lot on his travels that the Daimyo of the Land of the Key had been assassinated about six months back, so these things did go on...

No...!

Jiraiya stopped in shock. Was that him?

He recalled the details he had heard about that killing. The Key Daimyo was reported to have been found naked on his bed, with clear evidence that shortly before his death he had been... pleasured sexually. His throat had been slit with a kunai he always kept on his person, and when the staff had been questioned there had been nothing suspicious mentioned, except that a day or so later, according to one woman Jiraiya had spoken to, it was noticed that one small silver-haired taikomachi was missing from the ranks of the court entertainers.

It was well known that the Key Daimyo had been fond of boys, and similar attempts had been made in the past by boys he had taken advantage of, so the investigations into the crime had never been seriously pursued. The Daimyo had no family, and Jiraiya had thought at the time that the Key Country was better off without someone like him in charge.

Jiraiya stared at the child in front of him in disbelief. It couldn't be, could it? He couldn't stop himself from shuddering at the thought of this pure, innocent child having to go through that, and with such a repulsive man as the Key Daimyo. Not that it would have made a difference who the man had been. The whole thing was so wrong that Jiraiya felt sick at the mere idea, and he hadn't even confirmed his suspicions yet.

"The Key Daimyo..." he could barely get the words out. "That was you?" he finished tentatively, hoping desperately that he was wrong. To his horror, Kakashi nodded once, keeping his eye on the window.

"And you still wear these clothes?"

"Well they're nice things, and I don't have a lot of money, so..." he broke off when he noticed Jiraiya's horrified expression, which he hadn't bothered to conceal. "It's okay, really. They're only clothes." When Jiraiya's expression did not change, he added "I've washed them" as if this somehow made it all right.

"That's not it, Kakashi-kun." Jiraiya couldn't believe the kid was actually trying to reassure him over this. It was ludicrous. The village could go too far sometimes.

"You should never have had to do... that. You're too young." Far too young, Jiraiya thought bitterly. The shinobi system had just fallen a peg lower in his book, and the notion that either Jiraiya's own sensei or his student had ordered this abominable mission made him feel even worse about it. He would have to ask Sarutobi-sensei about it later on.

He had expected some sort of excuse from the boy, but when he said nothing, Jiraiya looked at him again, finding it hard to look at this child who had been put through too much by the village that he himself had pledged his life to protect.

To his shock Kakashi's was silently sobbing, his thin shoulders shaking, and he hurried to offer him comfort. This was a good thing, he told himself firmly, even though it was hard to see. It had always been his intention to get the boy to break down and let out his grief and pain, but he had envisioned a more gradual process. He certainly hadn't expected it to be this soon, or that the tears would come so readily.

He had forgotten how tired Kakashi was, and how much pain he was in, and how looking after little Naruto had taken a toll on his body and mind so that he was no longer able to maintain his usual defences.

Jiraiya held the child in his strong arms as he continued to sob without making a sound, wanting to let him cry for as long as he needed to. He knew it wasn't just the memory of that hideous mission that was pouring out with the boy's tears, but the grief he had stored up inside of himself ever since his father's suicide. An important step towards healing was to acknowledge the pain and to let it out, but Jiraiya was not a particularly patient man, and when about forty minutes had passed and Kakashi's sobs had not subsided or even lessened in their intensity, his patience was almost at breaking point, and wouldn't let him just sit there any longer. He pulled away from Kakashi using one hand to tip the kid's chin up so that their eyes met. With the other had he pushed the messy hair out of the way to give him a clear view of Kakashi's face.

To his enormous surprise, although the sash covering his left eye was soaked through with tears, and they had leaked in rivers down that side of his face to soak into his mask as well, Jiraiya could not see any trace of dampness on the right side of Kakashi's face, and his black eye only brimmed with unshed tears. The quiet sobs still racked his body, but he was trying to bring them under control.

"Kakashi look at me." His black eye swivelled in its socket to meet Jiraiya's gaze. "I don't know what you've been through, but I want to know everything so I can help you. It helps to get it out and tell someone what's bothering you. It helps to cry. Once you tell someone else it isn't just your problem any more, it's theirs too. You don't have to be alone any more. Whatever you're feeling, I'll be here for you. If you want to talk, I'll listen. You wouldn't think it, but I'm actually a pretty good listener. If you need to cry, I'll hold you. I'm glad you trust me enough to show your feelings, Kakashi, it means a lot to me. I'm proud of you. Minato would be proud."

Jiraiya smiled warmly at Kakashi, meaning every word he said, and the perceptive kid seemed to understand, as he nodded and swallowed heavily, as thought trying to push all of his grief back down inside himself through that simple action.

"I trust you, Jiraiya-sama. I know it isn't weak to show emotions, but it's hard to when everyone is so concerned. I don't want to upset anyone, they've all been so kind. Thank you, Jiraiya-sama."

Kakashi bowed his head deeply to show his thanks, and Jiraiya felt his sincerity. Kakashi was not the child Jiraiya had presumed him to be. When Biwako-oba-san had expressed her worries, Jiraiya had thought it was a young ninja's pride that was stopping Kakashi from showing his feelings. Now he knew that wasn't the reason at all. Rather it was a very adult, if misplaced, concern for the people around him that had kept Kakashi silent.

"Kakashi, you are strong. Both as a shinobi and as a man. Don't ever abandon your kindness, as that gives you greater strength than anything you could ever learn."

His own words reminded Jiraiya of the book he had meant as a gift for Kakashi, and he fished around for it inside his haori. If ever he needed the escapism of a good read, it was probably now. Jiraiya himself had found there was no better way to adjust and bring himself back to reality after that kind of emotional release than to emerse himself in a good book.

He pulled the slim volume out and offered it to Kakashi.

"I think you deserve a little escapism after that, kid. Here. This is my first published work so go easy on me, all right? It's a first edition and I've hand-inscribed it to you, so hold onto this. It'll be valuable one day when I'm a world-famous author!"

Jiraiya guffawed, flinging his head back in his exuberant style. When he stopped laughing he realised that Kakashi hadn't taken the book, but was just sitting there staring at it.

"Take it, it's okay! I know you're probably in awe right now at receiving such a gift from the Great Toad Sennin, but take this as a mark of my respect for you, kid. I want you to be the first of my friends to read it."

Kakashi still didn't take the book, so Jiraiya stopped his nervous posturing and looked at him carefully. What on earth was wrong now? His dark right eye still glistened with tears, but now one had fallen discreetly to rest on the boy's pale cheek.

What had he said? Jiraiya was at a loss. Why would being given a present make the kid cry? Perhaps to Kakashi the book was a more touching gift than even Jiraiya had anticipated it being. That couldn't be right, surely.

At length, Kakashi reached out and took the book, holding it to his chest with both hands, eyes fixed firmly on the floor. Jiraiya noticed his hands for the first time. The fine, semi-translucent skin that covered them looked like porcelain, and the fingers were long and elegant. Against the dark grey of the kimono Kakashi's wrists and hands stood out in stark contrast, like the moon's pale face in the night sky, Jiraiya thought. He could see why Kakashi had been selected to seduce the Key Daimyo. He had something about him which Jiraiya hesitated to call beauty - that was reserved for women. Rather he seemed to possess a strange, ethereal elegance which infused his every movement, and there was something almost aristocratic about the way the boy held himself which accentuated his rather strange, exotic colouring. A little voice in Jiraiya's mind kept telling him just to admit it, the kid was beautiful, but beauty for Jiraiya implied some sort of sexual attraction on his part, rather than being a term that could be applied objectively to a person. Jiraiya settled for 'striking', and tried to urge his wayward brain to focus on helping the kid, not studying him as he would a subject for his next novel.

When Kakashi spoke his voice was very quiet, and his eyes remained resolutely glued to the carpet.

"Thank you, Jiraiya-sama, I am honoured by your gift, but I wont be the first to read it as I..." his low voice trembled a little and became choked with emotion to such an extent that he had to pause to gather himself before continuing.

"I can't read, Jiraiya-sama."

Kakashi looked up, and the sight tore at Jiraiya's heart. That bleak statement, to a writer and avid reader such as he, was about the saddest thing he could imagine hearing, and when combined with that dark, tear-filled eye, wide with shame and sadness, it was too much to bear. Kakashi looked so young and so damn innocent sitting there looking up at him like that.

The Village had taken such poor care of its youngest ever ninja it was barely believable. This boy had been touted as Konoha's pride and joy, the great genius of his generation, and he had already become a legend across the shinobi world. He should have been nurtured by the Village, not allowed to hide himself in the shadows of ANBU, being prostituted out to the highest bidder; not left to look after a baby alone; not trapped in a world filled with writing and literature that no one had taken the time to help him understand.

Jiraiya couldn't imagine a life without books. Being able to read was something he had always taken for granted, and had no recollection of learning. They had been a lifeline for him so many times when he felt sad or lonely. They were a way to escape the horrors of his profession, and Jiraiya could recall how, even in the midst of war, when he sat in his bunker at night reading by the light of the moon or jutsu-fire, he had been transported a million miles from the physical world.

If anyone needed an escape from the real world it was Kakashi. Jiraiya realised just how lonely his life must have been. He had no idea.

"Kakashi, I didn't know. I'm so sorry."

"Jiraiya-sama? Will you... teach me?" It came out a mere whisper, but Jiraiya heard it clearly.

"Of course I will! You don't need to ask. But there's one condition. Or maybe two." He creased his brow in thought as Kakashi looked back at him expectantly. That old-man's eye was still wide, but it seemed to shine now with hope and excitement.

"Anything, Jiraiya-sama. I'll do anything!" He sounded so eager, so earnest, and Jiraiya couldn't wait to teach him. Jiraiya liked nothing better than to be with young people who were eager to learn, and besides, a keen student was always easy to teach. He chuckled, thinking what a great kid Kakashi was, before listing his not-so-onerous conditions.

"You have to come on holiday with me. And you have to read my book." Jiraiya laughed out loud, and to his surprise, so did Kakashi.

It was a beautiful sound, as clear as a bell, and it made Jiraiya stop dead and stare at the kid.

"I'll come away with you if you promise you'll train me as well." Kakashi added, and Jiraiya, distracted by the child's eagerness and that joyous laugh, agreed before realising he had been tricked.

"You got me! You little...! A holiday doesn't involve training. This doesn't sound like a holiday any more at all, it sounds more like work to me" Jiraiya moaned. He was amused that Kakashi had sneaked in his own proviso when Jiraiya had so firmly refused to train him in the past, but he was more relieved than anything else to see Kakashi acting so, well, normally.

"You've agreed now, Jiraiya-sama. You can't go back on a promise".

The boy's face looked solemn, but his voice had an amused tone to it, and the Sannin laughed again. He couldn't stop the laughter that poured from him for no particular reason other than pure joy and relief that Kakashi would be all right. He was still a kid underneath. Jiraiya caught his eye, and it crinkled with mirth before he gave in, and they both fell about laughing.

* * *

Biwako knelt outside the sitting room door. She had not moved since Jiraiya had asked her to leave the room and she had listened intently to as much as she could catch of the conversation going on inside.

She felt a weight lift from her chest when Jiraiya's bellowing laugh was joined by a lighter, joyous sound that could only belong to Kakashi. She felt a little sad that the boy didn't feel he could open up to her and her family but she understood and respected his feelings on the matter. Most of all, she was just glad that Jiraiya had been able to help him so quickly. In less than an hour he had contrived to get Kakashi to cry, ask for help and even laugh. She sincerely hoped this progress would continue as the child needed it so badly. He needed everything Jiraiya could give him, she realised. A combination of father, brother and friend, who he could trust wholeheartedly and could talk to without reservations.

She couldn't wait for them to set out on their holiday, as she longed to see what the results would be. She liked Kakashi immensely and had hoped that she could have been the one to help him, but more than that she wanted him to be happy, and if Jiraiya could help him get there she wouldn't interfere.

She smiled and stood up. They would be good for each other, and she could rest easy. She just hoped Kakashi would be okay with leaving Naruto behind with her.

* * *

_Note: a taikomachi is a male geisha or entertainment artist. Geisha were originally male, but when women began to be geisha they quickly became more popular with male clients, for obvious reasons, and the male version all but disappeared.  
_


	9. The Hokage's Enlightenment

_Note: I read somewhere that the Third Hokage's wife Biwako was supposedly killed during the Kyuubi's attack, but I don't remember reading this in the manga and I'm pretty sure she's never appeared or been mentioned in the anime. I hope you'll all forgive me as I didn't realise this when I put her in, honestly! She's such an incidental character in the actual manga but so essential to my story that I'm hoping people wont mind. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it as no one has pulled me up on it but I'm an honest sort and don't mind admitting my mistakes!_

_Additionally, I don't know if anyone has seen the fairly recent anime filler titled 'Kakashi Love Song' and made the connection with the last chapter of this story, but if not I feel the need to point it out...! Kakashi's terrible mission to kill the Key Daimyo which I mentioned in Chapter 8 might just be the reason he found himself in the Key Country and met the spy from the Hidden Lock Village who features in the anime episode, telling her about his cloud-watching to give her hope._

_Also, as I'm sure you're all aware, Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto._

* * *

Chapter 9 - The Hokage's Enlightenment

Hiruzen yawned and stretched out his stiff limbs, noticing several cracks and creaks as he did so. Damn he felt old this morning! He didn't know how much longer he could keep on with this Hokage lark. He had so been looking forward to his retirement, and had loved the year he had managed to snatch of free time to himself before he had been sadly forced to return to the job.  
Perhaps he'd have another go at persuading Jiraiya. He really was the best candidate, and the fact that he was an unwilling leader made him a pretty safe option to Hiruzen, and Jiraiya certainly wasn't the type to seek out power for its own sake, or to abuse the title for his own ends. As much as he had always seen Orochimaru as his most gifted student - he really didn't like to use the word 'favourite' when it came to his students - Hiruzen could plainly see that the lad's obsession for power had led him astray and made him totally unsuitable for the role of Hokage. It wasn't just a title to add to a collection for Hiruzen or for the three who had come before and after him, and as much as he loved Orochimaru and held out hope - many said it was a fool's hope - that he would change his outlook sooner rather than later, he was not fool enough to entrust Konoha to him.

After washing his face and slipping into a royal blue yukata the Third Hokage decided to go and find his wife, who was always up before him these days, and get some breakfast before heading to his office. He didn't bother to get in early any more as he trusted his aids and knew he would be summoned soon enough if there was any trouble he needed to worry about...  
Hiruzen cut himself off in his thoughts.  
"Soon enough... What am I saying! I'm Hokage for goodness sake, I'm responsible for a whole Shinobi Village and I'm carrying on as though I'm deputy manager of a dango stand!"  
Hiruzen shook his head and slumped. He knew for the sake of the Village he had to either get back to being a serious leader again or give up the position. He dearly longed for the latter, if only there was someone ready who he was willing to hand the reigns to. Minato had really been too young, he recalled, but at that point Hiruzen had been keen enough to get out that as soon as he had felt the young man to be ready he had named him as his successor. He often wondered if it was a mistake now, and felt that if he had held off taking retirement for another year he would have been the one whose duty it was to die for his village, and MInato may well have been out on another mission, as many jounin were at the time of the Kyuubi's attack, so he wouldn't have had to make the ultimate sacrifice. Of course, Hiruzen did not realistically think he would have been able to stop the Kyuubi himself, so the Village would most likely have been destroyed if it were not for Minato. But there was no point in getting bogged down in his regrets, of which he had many. He had to start acting as the leader he was and dedicate himself fully to his work once again, as he had done during his first term as Hokage.  
He sighed deeply, feeling the weight of responsibility and guilt sit heavily on his bent shoulders. As much as Hiruzen wanted Jiraiya to take over and thought he would make a fantastic leader for Konoha, he didn't quite feel it was fair to pass the burdens of the office on to his student. Although he didn't doubt that Jiraiya could handle it, Hiruzen's conscience told him to keep going as long as he could so as not to put undue pressure on the younger generation.

Running a hand through his grey hair and checking that the belt fastening his robe was securely tied, Hiruzen stepped out of his bedroom and headed down the hall in search of breakfast.  
As he closed the door behind himself he spotted his wife standing outside the living room, with a smile on her lips and tear streaks on her cheeks. He could hear a deep, hearty laugh that sounded suspiciously like Jiraiya's coming from behind the door accompanied by the quieter, higher-pitched laughter of a young boy.

He looked at his wife curiously but she put her finger to her lips as she cleared her throat gently to alert the two inside that they could expect company before she pushed the door aside and went in.

Hiruzen followed closely behind, and just as he had expected there was Jiraiya, looking the same as ever, sitting on the floor trying to rein in his rambunctious laughter. But it was to his great surprise to see that the other 'laugher' in the room was Kakashi. The last thing he had expected to find was that sad, tired child almost rolling about the floor with laughter, and the sight warmed his heart and made him smile. The touching image had truly brightened his day and it reinforced for him the knowledge that Jiraiya would make a fantastic Hokage. He had the power to inspire others and to infuse them with his confidence and joy of life.

He had been meaning to speak to Jiraiya and now seemed as good a time as any, he thought, so he greeted Kakashi briefly and nodded to his wife as a signal he knew she would understand. She smiled back at him a little and then walked over and picked up the baby's basket, gesturing to Kakashi to follow her. Hiruzen loved his wife dearly and liked that she always understood what his little gestures and looks were intended to mean without the need for words. She read people very well indeed, and this had made her the perfect partner to take along to ceremonial functions when he had to act as Konoha's ambassador to other countries and villages.

It seemed that Kakashi had a similar gift for intuition, for he shot a quick, knowing glance at the Hokage then back at Biwako before he got up without a word and bowed to Jiraiya.

"Thank you for your company, Jiraiya-sama", he said formally, still bowing low at the waist, "I look forward to our next meeting with great anticipation".

Hiruzen watched him curiously. He was so formal. Wherever did he learn this odd formality? He supposed the kid had received no real teaching on manners and how to behave except that which he had been taught so that he could fit in on missions and at functions where foreign dignitaries would be present. Kakashi was naturally a respectful kid, so it made sense that he wouldn't know how else to address someone to show his respect besides being formal. Hiruzen found something about this very sad indeed, and the way the kid seemed to sway on his feet concerned him as well, but Biwako would take care of him. And he had just been laughing with Jiraiya, hadn't he?

Hiruzen nodded to Kakashi as he passed, and the kid paused and, for the precise number of seconds to infer the maximum of respect without looking as though he were ridiculing the custom, he faced the Hokage, feet together and head bowed military style.  
"Hokage-sama" he said quietly, before following Biwako from the room.

Hiruzen stared at the spot Kakashi had stood in for a moment after they had left, just gathering his thoughts before opening his entreaty to Jiraiya. But he left it a little too long and his student spoke before him.

"Hiruzen. I have a few questions for you", he said darkly, all traces of amusement gone from his broad, kindly face. "And I need you to be completely honest with me, no bullshit, alright?"

HIruzen knew that tone. It was the tone Jiraiya used on the rare occasions he was deadly serious about something. It was a tone usually reserved for the battlefield and his enemies, and it was the tone he had used when he had made his views on the Shinobi system known to his sensei and the Elders. Hiruzen knew Jiraiya had something serious to say, and guessed that, given the timing, it had something to do with Kakashi.

He was right, although he had no idea of what he was about to be accused of. He nodded his consent and bade Jiraiya continue.

Jiraiya asked the Hokage whether he had known about the types of missions Kakashi had been sent on, and when he had solemnly declared that he had no knowledge and would not have sanctioned such a mission Jiraiya admonished him for not keeping a firmer grip on the Council of Elders and those who sought to control ANBU from the shadows.  
Hiruzen was horrified at the mission Kakashi had told Jiraiya about. He would not have accepted a mission to assassinate the Feudal Lord of another country full stop, whether or not the shinobi sent to fulfill it was of age or not because of the massive ramifications being caught would have for the Village. To send Kakashi of all people was particularly foolish, he thought, as he already had a reputation and was very easily recognisable from his Bingo Book pictures. His skills aside, if he had been recognised and someone had made the link back to Konoha it would have meant war and that was not a risk either he or Minato would have been willing to take.

HIruzen's mind played over the possibilities this threw up. Kakashi had been sent on the mission as an ANBU agent, but who had given it to him? ANBU squads received their missions directly from the Hokage, and there was no way Kakashi could have been fooled by a henge no matter how well-executed, especially not with his always-on sharingan eye.  
So that meant that a trusted ANBU commander had assigned him the mission, and this brought with it the implication that the assassination of the Key Daimyo was only the tip of the iceberg. It was likely that many more dangerous and risky missions had been accepted by somebody on behalf of the Village, and had been handed out to ANBU agents. Either that or... Hiruzen was loath to consider the other possibility that ran through his mind, it was just too disturbing.  
But still, the possibility existed that someone had not been accepting missions on Konoha's behalf, but had actually been sending ANBU agents out on missions for their own purposes, whatever those might be. Starting another war seemed to be the only likely outcome of that sort of behaviour. Who would do something like that and why? Konoha had only just emerged from a long war and was still recovering from the Kyuubi incident so why would anyone want further conflict? Was there an enemy spy in the upper echelons of ANBU? Or was there someone close to the top of the chain of command who wanted power so desperately they would do anything to get it, even plunging their own Village into a war it could not afford to fight?

Hiruzen divulged all of his thoughts to Jiraiya, feeling that he needed someone he could trust on side to help him investigate this. Kakashi would need to be questioned further about the whys and wherefores of his mission and any other orders which had not come directly from the Hokage. Kakashi would be a useful agent to use to question other ANBU who had doubtless been asked to carry out missions in the past year or so by someone other then the Hokage.

Jiraiya of course agreed to help out, as Hiruzen knew he would, but the ribbing did not stop there. Jiraiya had a lot more, and Hiruzen knew that he deserved it, although he didn't agree with all that his student had to say.

"I have to ask why child as bright and talented as Kakashi is illiterate and has received so little support from the Village, both general and financial. He's obviously had to work to earn everything he has. Not to mention the small fact that he has been left to bring up a baby alone without a ryo of aid from the Village. And not just any baby, but the son of the former Hokage which has the Kyuubi sealed inside of it. The lack of care is disgusting, quite frankly. As a man known for compassion, and with a family of your own, I would have thought that you would have taken better care of the orphans of this Village. They are just about grudgingly given a grotty little apartment if they have absolutely no where else to go, but from there on out they get nothing."

Hiruzen sighed. He knew Jiraiya did not follow his thinking on this, but he wanted to have another go at explaining his point of view.

"Jiraiya-kun, you are talking about the orphans who are already either graduated shinobi or who are past their second year in the Academy. The other orphans who are not soldiers of this Village live in the children's home and are provided for and schooled there. A shinobi, be he a child or not, is first and foremost a soldier, a tool of his Village. It is a sad state of affairs, but coddling soldiers does not bring any benefits in the long run. Kakashi, for example, had already been a graduated shinobi for three years and a chunin for two of those when he was orphaned. Yes, it is sad, but to learn independence and self-sufficiency is important for these kids. See how much stronger Kakashi is than say, my own son Asuma, a young shinobi with a caring family around him. Asuma has been held back by us, and although it is unintentional on both our part and his, even though we are a shinobi clan we can't help but treat Asuma like a child and not like a soldier when he is at home. It would actually suit the Village better if all Academy students were moved out of their family homes and given their own accommodations, but we just don't have the funding and we would receive far fewer recruits if we did do that, so it is just fantasy. And looking after Naruto is something Kakashi volunteered to do as a part of his duty to the Village. It is going far above and beyond what is expected, of course, and I didn't fulfill my promise to support him as I should have done, and I will never be able to cast off the guilt I feel for that, but he is a shinobi. A combatant and servant of his Village. That is his path and that is the life he lives."

Jiraiya managed to sit quietly until Hiruzen was finished speaking, but the Hokage knew he would not accept what he had said. He had heard the views of his student many times, and in fact his own heart agreed with Jiraiya. Just his head could not see a way to reconcile Jiraiya's ideals with the best interests of Konoha.

"Sarutobi-sensei, you know my views. Kakashi and many others like him did not choose their path. Can a four year old choose to become a shinobi? Does he truly know what it means to give everything he is, his life, his heart, his soul, his very self, to his Village? Does he understand life and death, and what it is to pledge his life in servitude? I did not know. Tsunade and Orochimaru did not know. Kakashi did not know. After us, you swore never to let kids graduate and go out to fight at younger that eight years of age, which is still too young. But another war came and more kids were sent out against the enemy as if they were worth no more than a new shipment of kunai or shuriken. And Kakashi has been nothing but an exceptional shinobi for nearly ten years now. Surely there must be some reward or respite for someone who has shown such dedication for so long. And what excuse can there be for his lack of basic schooling? Surely that makes him a liability on missions if anything? And it is not Kakashi's duty to take care of the Kyuubi and its vessel! That responsibility falls to the Village, and as its leader, to you, Sarutobi-sensei. You say you feel guilty and damn right you should! And you shouldn't just feel guilty for what Kakashi has been through either. We are all lucky that the seal held. You left what is, to put it bluntly, an untested experiment in chakra sealing in the sole care of a kid who, no matter how smart he is, knows jack shit about sealing a Tailed Beast, and then somehow forgot all about it!"

Jiraiya stared at him intensely, accusingly, and Hiruzen hung his head. He had not thought about that side of the situation. He must be losing it to have missed such an important aspect of what he had done. This just served to prove how well-suited Jiraiya was to being Hokage. He could after all see past his soft-hearted view to the bigger picture and the consequences for Konoha.

For all his bluster and chaff about how kids were left to fend for themselves to better protect the Village, Hiruzen had been so caught up in managing the Villagers' reactions to the sealing of the Kyuubi and with getting Naruto out of sight as quickly as he could, that he hadn't properly considered the safety of the Village. The Fourth Hokage's seal could have failed at any time, and it still could. The baby should have been kept under the constant surveillance of experts. He felt so stupid. He was such a fool. He had grown arrogant and complacent in the role of Hokage and did not feel he could go on doing it.

So the Third Hokage Sarutobi Hiruzen swallowed his pride and bowed low before his student Jiraiya.  
"Jiraiya, you are completely right and I beg you, will you accept the position of Hokage and become my successor? I'm not thinking straight any more, as you have just demonstrated, and my actions are endangering the Village. You are the only candidate that I would trust with Konoha, and right now you see the big picture far more clearly than I do."

Jiraiya looked away our of the open screens to the courtyard garden and sighed, shaking his head, Hiruzen knew what he was going to say and that he would not get to retire just yet.

"I can't believe you're backing out old man!. You've made a mistake, face up to it and carry on. I would make a terrible Hokage. I have ideas on a few things, but I'm a dreadful diplomat and the Elders don't like me. Besides, I have no interest in remaining in Konoha. I've done my time in the Village, I can better serve Konoha in other ways by keeping an eye on the world outside. Right now I have an interest here, so I'll stay a couple of days and help investigate this ANBU problem, but then I'm taking Kakashi and getting out of here. He's an interesting kid and I like him. He has the makings of a fine future Hokage if he gets out of ANBU, gets a life and avoids becoming a cold killing machine. I can't bear to see that kind of potential wasted. If he stays where he is I can see him becoming the best assassin Konoha has ever seen until he is either assassinated by someone better and more ruthless or becomes a missing nin and sets about destroying the Village. He's already in enough Bingo Books to be sought after by rogue groups if he ever decides to quit the Village, and do you really want most of Konoha's jutsu in enemy hands?"

Hiruzen was silent. He hadn't thought of that possibility. But then he hadn't thought Orochimaru capable of such cruelty as human experimentation until he had seen it for himself. Perhaps he was to naive,

"A ninja must retain his or her compassion, as it is an important aspect of both his work and his life. A ninja cannot have a life if he becomes cold and hardened to death, and there will never be peace in the Shinobi World if it is full of men and women who are purely shinobi and are not men first and foremost."

Like Kakashi... Hiruzen remembered his thoughts on the boy, and how he had been both disturbed and proud that he was nothing but a shinobi. But now he felt sick at the part of himself which had been proud. He still felt he had to make an argument, for although some things may be morally questionable, they were necessary for the good of the many.

"But Jiraiya-kun, a shinobi is a tool of war, not so different from a shuriken as you made the comparison earlier. Although we are notionally independent and equal in status to our countries' feudal lords, us Hidden Villages are essentially the armies of our respective countries, as well as armies for hire for smaller countries without their own shinobi forces, as of course you are aware. If there were no wars or conflicts between Daimyo, there would be no need for shinobi, but without the constantly-mobilised armies the shinobi villages provide it would take too long for the smaller countries to raise a fighting force should conflict ever occur. This would leave them vulnerable to invasion by the larger countries and would ultimately cause more bloodshed. Any Lord bent on expansion would have no qualms about killing any and all who looked like opposition in the conquered nation. This could lead to there being one large empire or republic in which a single leader or group would rule over all, or we could see a return to a situation where clans would be constantly vying for power. In either case, the majority would no doubt be more oppressed than they are under the present system and freedom would become a thing of the past."

Jiraiya looked frustrated and responded rather harshly.  
"Hiruzen-san, what of the freedom of those born within a shinobi village? What of those born into a shinobi family and trained from birth to become a fighter? Surely this is tantamount to slavery? There is no escape for these poor souls except the honourable death their village expects of them. We talk with disgust of the practices in the Hidden Mist where children are pitted against children to fight to the death but are we that different? There, ten-year-olds fight each other to find the strongest. Here, we send five-year-olds into battle against our enemies to kill or be killed. To me, both are a repugnant as each other and there is no difference other than we pretend that we are compassionate while the Mist do not hide their practices."

With a sad sigh, Hiruzen's shoulders sagged and his ageing body seemed to slump even more where he knelt on a cushion.  
"I do not pretend the system we have is ideal, but then I have never been an idealist like you are, Jiraiya-kun. Some must always sacrifice their freedom so that others can enjoy theirs, and it is better this way, where the few give up their freedom and their lives so the majority can live in relative freedom and peace."

Jiraiya was not done yet, and Hiruzen could tell he was not going to quit either. He had always been like this, an idealist and first and foremost a compassionate man as well as a brilliant ninja, and Hiruzen could not bring himself to stop his student's flow. He had ignored Jiraiya as a boy to focus too much on Orochimaru and he was trying to make up for it now in his own way by at least hearing the boy out.

"I'm not talking about people giving up their freedom. I have no problem with that. I am talking about children - people who have never known freedom. Even here in Konoha, the most liberal of all the shinobi villages, children are born to be ninja. There is no choice for them. "

Hiruzen smiled slightly. He understood Jiraiya's argument and even agreed but could not see a way to change it.  
"Jiraiya-kun, I know what you are saying is right, but even Minato-kun could not change the views of the Daimyo, the Elders and the Clan Leaders. They might just listen to you if you were Hokage..."

Jiraiya just shook his head and continued more quietly;  
"This is not just me being a woolly liberal. We are the most liberal Hidden Village by far and the most powerful too. If you look at the correlation between relative freedom and power in the Hidden Villages it is pretty direct. And if you look at the number of missing or rogue nin a Village has and compare that to the level of freedom you come out with precisely the opposite trend. We need to give our shinobi the freedom to be people too, and to feel that we appreciate their loyalty and hard work. Take Kakashi as an example. He is brilliant, there is no doubt about that, but do you think he feels that the Village appreciates him and values him as a person? I would say he is too blindly loyal to consider that question, but that has been largely down to Minato and in the future he may realise the truth. And that truth is that the Village does not care about him but will continue to use his skills until he becomes obsolete or is killed.  
An average shinobi will be quite happy to stay in the Village and play his part, even if he is under appreciated, for he will not usually feel that way. An exceptional shinobi who is not appreciated and knows that he has a power that is sought after elsewhere may leave seeking greater power, greater appreciation of his power, or revenge on the village which used but did not appreciate him, or a combination of all three. I'm not saying that will happen with Kakashi, he's loyal to a fault and he seems totally honest and straight-up, but if, for example, his village wont even teach him to read and a rogue group gets wind of that, the temptation will be there and he may inadvertantly be lured in with a promise and then used against his will against Konoha or our allies. I can't bear for that to happen to him. I don't even want to take the chance, both for his sake and ours."

Hiruzen was quite stunned at the depth of Jiraiya's analysis. "Jiraiya-kun, I can no longer see the wood for the trees, so to speak. I have been here too long. I think all of your travels have opened you up to seeing the wider picture..."

Before he could get to the nub of it, Jiraiya cut him off again.

"Sarutobi-sensei, I cannot be Hokage. Tsunade is more suited to the job than I am as she is a far better diplomat and strategist. I am going to find her now, if she's in the Village, and I'll mention it to her, although I can guess her answer won't be too different from mine, so I suggest you have a word with Kakashi, and please let him know that I'll be back here to collect him in three days time."

Jiraiya stood and Hiruzen thought he might just walk out when he stopped and turned. Jiraiya never could stay mad long, as he believed that life was too short to leave someone he cared about on a bad note.

"Sarutobi-sensei, you have been a great Hokage and you have always done what you thought was right. I admire you for that, and I believe in you."

And with that Jiraiya grinned and left. Hiruzen shook his head and couldn't help but smile. Jiraiya had a lot of ideals and could become heated very quickly, but he did not hold grudges and he refused to stay angry at someone once he had said his piece. That was what made him such a bad diplomat, but was also what would make him a great village leader in Hiruzen's book. But he had known he would refuse all along. But Kakashi now, there was an interesting prospect. He had to admit the kid had shown great initiative and endurance in taking care of Naruto, and he was certainly already a decent diplomat, not to mention being pretty well-known in the Konoha and beyond. He decided he would have to keep a closer eye on him from now on, and perhaps when he was a little older he would enlist him as a personal guard and unofficial advisor as he had done with Minato years earlier.

* * *

_Note: I apologise for the length of this chapter and for the rather heavy political content and lack of forward-movement. If it reads more like an essay than a story I'm sorry, and please let me know if you feel it is detracting from the rest. _  
_Hiruzen may or may not be right at the beginning of the chapter in his interpretations of the illicit ANBU missions, but we shall see..._  
_I wasn't going to take this story down a political route, and was planning to write a separate story as I do love the politics of Naruto, but it just seemed to come out..._  
_I have no idea if Jiraiya and the Third ever disagreed about policy, or even what the Third's policies really were, although he obviously didn't put anything in place to look after orphans, given Naruto's situation at the start of the manga/anime, where he shows Kakashi to Naruto's apartment and looks at it as though he has no responsibility for his well-being at all, as well as the tiny, grotty places Sasuke (you'd think he would have inherited something from his family so where did it all go...? The Village coffers no doubt to be 'taken care of' until he came of age or more likely dead...) and Kakashi live in (assuming Kakashi has never moved and why would he since he is rarely home anyway?)._

_And I loved the idea of the whole Danzo-as-Hokage thing. I really wanted him to be a totalitarian Hokage so that we could see everyone forming an underground resistance, probably led by Shikaku and Kakashi, as it would be an interesting test of character for all Naruto's age group to see who was prepared to stand against Danzo._  
_If anyone is interested in reading any great fan stories about Konoha under Danzo, check out "Scarlet Scroll" by SilverShine and "Shadowplay" by Eldr-Fire (not complete and abandoned for now, but what is there is a very good read)._

_I don't usually write this much and have been trying to avoid adding masses of notes so far, but something strange has come over me today...! Sorry if this annoys you, I will try not to do it again._

_Lastly, so many thanks to everyone who has added this to favourites or alert lists, and to those who have reviewed. I love you all and really hope that this chapter doesn't put you off!_

_Kakashi will go off with Jiraiya soon to learn to read I promise, but before then I have a couple more chapters to go, maybe one scene with Kakashi and Biwako where we get his reflections on his talk with Jiraiya, some investigation of the ANBU situation and a training field scene with Jiraiya testing Kakashi's skills before they leave. I do have most of it planned out, honestly! I'm not really winging it...!_  
_See you around. 'You' x_


	10. Sweet Dreams

_Note: Thank you all for reading - no lengthy blathering notes this time!_

* * *

Chapter 10 - Sweet Dreams

Kakashi bowed to the Hokage and followed Biwako-san rather unsteadily out of the living room. He was glad that she was carrying Naruto as he felt he might have dropped the basket he felt so weak and shaky.

He felt rather embarrassed at his behaviour with Jiraiya-sama, but it hadn't been nearly as humiliating as he had expected something like that would have been. Kakashi had never let go of his emotional control like that before, and he supposed it must have been because he was so exhausted that he didn't really care that Jiraiya-sama, one of the Legendary Sannin, had seen him in such a vulnerable state.

He trailed slowly after Biwako-san as she led him down the corridor to his bedroom and placed the baby on the floor near the corner of the room. Naruto was still asleep, and Kakashi expected Biwako to leave although he didn't really want her to. He needed something. He wasn't sure what it was exactly, but he didn't want to be alone just then and her presence was a comfort to him.

He hovered by the door trying to ignore the temptation to use the door frame to support his swaying body, and Biwako-san turned to him and smiled a bit, coming over to where he stood.

"Kakashi-kun, I really think you should try to get some sleep if you can, you look exhausted."

Kakashi nodded but couldn't find the strength to move his body, which had somehow, without his permission, propped itself against the door frame. He felt silly, but Biwako-san came over and helped him. She seemed to understand what was wrong, that he was just too tired to move without falling down, and she helped him over to sit on the futon and then offered to help him get undressed for bed.

He agreed reluctantly, but strangely he did not really mind. Her touch was gentle and he felt it warming him.

It was nice to receive attention, he thought. The only physical touches Kakashi had known, besides fighting of course, were his father's occasional pats on the head and the one time he had hurt himself training and his father had given him a piggyback ride home, Minato-sensei's occasional hair-ruffles or shoulder-squeezes and Rin's gentle touch when she healed him. Her touch had always been different to the other medics who mostly healed with the minimum of physical contact, and he wondered if it was because she had loved him. He hadn't known his mother, and once he had started training as a ninja his father had touched him infrequently, and had never given him a hug.

Jiraiya had hugged him earlier, but Kakashi felt his touch was different to Biwako-san's. He imagined that her touch was 'motherly', and he liked it. She made him feel special, as though she wanted to be with him for who he was himself, not just for his skills as a shinobi.

But who was he, Kakashi wondered, if you took away that set of shinobi skills? He was nothing else, but he badly wanted to be. The more time he spent in the midst of a family the more he wanted to be something more than just the sum of his jutsu and knowledge.

He knew it was strange for a fourteen-year-old boy to crave motherly affection when most boys his age tried to run from their parents' touch out of embarrassment, like Asuma did, but he didn't really mind. Kakashi knew that he had not lived a normal life, even by shinobi standards, and Biwako-san had told him that it was not wrong to want something for himself, or to do something simply because he enjoyed it. Minato-sensei had tried to tell him that years ago, but Kakashi knew he had been too stubborn to listen. He had sought only to do things which would increase his usefulness as a tool of Konoha and to eliminate all superfluous activities. He had always felt that his enjoyment of cooking had been borderline unacceptable, but because he had loved it so much he had reasoned it into acceptability by persuading himself that a good ninja has to eat properly. He knew now that he had been wrong and although it was difficult he decided to try to enjoy things for their own sake,instead of analysing their use to the Village.

While Kakashi enjoyed the luxury of Biwako-san's attention as she gently untied the sash on his kimono before removing it from his body and hanging it up carefully, and then coming back to help him off with the plain robe worn beneath it, he did not let her take his mask off. He couldn't show her his face. He didn't know why, and at one point while she was hanging up his clothes he almost pulled it off himself, and even put his fingers under the bottom of it to lift it over his head, but his nerve failed him.

She came back with a soft silk yukata which she gently helped him into, her fingers brushing against his skin ever so slightly as she pulled the shoulders of the robe into place. In that moment, which Kakashi would treasure for years to come, he felt so safe, so comfortable in the presence of another human being that he almost wished she would hold him in her arms and give him the comfort he needed. He knew she would hold him if he only reached out to give her a sign, as she was kind and didn't want to embarrass him or make him uncomfortable. But he couldn't reach out to her. Not yet, but one day he would be able to. Just as one day he would take off his mask and eat his dinner in front of everyone. Kakashi knew that there was no logical reason why he couldn't do these things now, but equally he just knew that he couldn't. It would be too personal, and impossible to go back from, and as much as he wanted it he just couldn't do it.

Kakashi knew that Biwako-san had been listening outside the living room door, and if he knew, it followed that Jiraiya-sama knew as well. He had sensed her there, but the unexpected mention of the mission he had tried so hard to put behind him had made him forget everything else as he had broken down completely.

He knew he would never have allowed that to happen if he hadn't been so utterly exhausted, but he felt oddly quite relieved that it had happened.

And he felt strangely glad that Biwako-san had overheard the whole thing, as he realised that he had wanted her to know how he felt but was not able to tell her directly. This way she knew without him having to tell her why he couldn't open up to her, and he was relieved that she seemed to understand.

As though she knew what he was thinking, which she couldn't possibly, Biwako-san finished tucking the sheets up under his chin and said softly

"You know I was by the door, don't you?"

She looked a bit guilty so to make her feel better and because it was the truth, Kakashi answered gently:

"Yes, but I don't mind."

Biwako-san looked at his face for a moment, their eyes meeting in silent understanding, and then she said softly "May I?" and gestured with her arms in a hugging motion.

Kakashi realised that he didn't mind what she did, as he trusted her almost completely, so he nodded, and she moved closer to him to sit on the futon beside his head, and lifted his head and shoulders gently onto her lap. She lifted him so gently that Kakashi thought she touched him as though he might break. Her warmth beneath his shoulders and upper back felt nice, and when she stroked his hair he felt as though he might die of pleasure. He closed his eyes and leaned into Biwako-san's hand, allowing his tense body to finally relax.

As he relaxed and let go, Kakashi felt the great ball of indescribable something that had gathered in his chest earlier begin to expand again, and it seemed as though something might explode. Jiraiya had stopped him before he had been able to really cry enough, he realised, and his chest felt tight and painful to such an extent that he began to panic a little. It felt the way it had in the cinema when he had that panic attack, but Kakashi felt he almost didn't mind if that happened here as he felt so safe in Biwako-san's arms. Here nothing could hurt him. He could break down here and not be judged.

Tthere was so much inside of him that still needed to be expressed. As he had let go with Jiraiya he had thought about that terrible mission which haunted his dreams, and the horrible fates of the children before him who had been caught trying to do what he had done. Those awful stories had been all the Palace staff had talked about when Kakashi had first arrived. How his predecessor had been killed. How a boy from the Hidden Lock Village had been killed. And they had gone into such detail. It was only after Kakashi had actually met the Key Daimyo that he really believed the tales and it wasn't until after the night he had killed the man that he understood their full horror.

It wasn't for himself that Kakashi had cried. He was a shinobi, an ANBU agent, at the very top of his profession, trained to kill and to withstand pain in all its forms. What the Key Daimyo had done to him had been the single most painful experience of Kakashi's whole ten years as a shinobi. He could only imagine what that would have been like for a civilian boy, untrained in the deep meditation and mind-diversion techniques that shinobi used to withstand torture.

His breathing sped up and he felt his breaths becoming shallow although he tried hard to breathe more slowly and deeply.

He hadn't even thought about his lost team mates, his father or his sensei, and the grief and guilt he could feel in his heart over their deaths was something he had never really let out, and it burned.

Just as Kakashi was about to give in to it all, Naruto let out a small, whimpering cry which called to him like a siren, and was sufficiently distracting that he forgot his difficulty with breathing and tried to get up.

Biwako-san pressed a gentle but firm hand to his chest to indicate that he shouldn't move, and she gave his hair a final stroke then went to see to Naruto.

Kakashi could tell that he wanted changing, but he wasn't sure if he was actually able to identify the baby's cries or whether it was his sensitive nose which alerted him. He couldn't really smell anything when Naruto started to cry but he wondered if it was a subconscious scent his nose was picking up which was beyond his level of awareness, but that his brain somehow interpreted.

He craned his neck anxiously to see as Biwako-san changed Naruto and then, as she seemed to know that Kakashi felt anxious to be close to him, she brought Naruto over to the bed and placed him in Kakashi's arms. Then she resumed her seat on the futon, lifting Kakashi to prop him up against her own body so that he could sit up without effort.

He held Naruto closely, trying to transmit all the love he felt through his touch, pressing the baby against his chest to feel the warmth of that small but solid body against his own. With Biwako-san behind him and Naruto held in front, Kakashi felt like he was the centre of a human sandwich, and while the feeling was rather strange he decided it was a feeling he liked. He had never been the centre of anything before, and had remembered when he was young looking in from the periphery at other children his own age with their parents. He knew of course that in years he was still young - still a child, in fact - but he didn't feel that way. Jiraiya-sama had given him something to look forward to, and he had promised to give him something pleasant he could look back on, so he really could not complain. Kakashi had always found hope where it seemed none existed, and now he had so much more than he had ever had before. He didn't want to forget the past by any means, or to diminish its memory, but at the moment all he had to look back on was sadness. If he had something happy to call to memory in hard times, Kakashi knew he could make it through. When he finally went to join Minato-sensei, Obito, RIn and his father he would be an old man with laughter lines around his eyes and a lifetime of good memories to tell them all about. If there was such a thing as an afterlife, and Kakashi really wasn't sure, he wanted to meet his mother for the first time and to be able to tell her that he had been happy.

* * *

Naruto was really getting active these days, Biwako thought, watching the baby push down with his strong little legs, and Kakashi alter his hold so that Naruto could push down onto the bed as though he were standing. Naruto loved to be raised into the air and 'whooshed' down again, and even more than that he loved to be thrown several feet up to be caught gently in Kakashi's expert hands.

Biwako watched Kakashi do this several times with great amusement, because he did it in complete silence with none of the usual noises that people make with babies. She had noticed too that when he spoke to Naruto it was as though he were speaking to an adult, not to a baby at all. She had commented on this, and he had looked puzzled, having apparently never observed an adult interact with a baby before. She had described it to him by saying that most people speak to a baby in a similar way to the way they speak to animals, but he hadn't understood that either. The only animals he had spoken to were his summoned ninken, and he generally spoke to them either as he would to an adult human or occasionally in their own language as a few of them did not know human speech.

He was a strange boy, but Biwako found Kakashi ever more endearing the more time she spent with him. He would look with wonder at the simplest of everyday things, yet would speak about complex jutsu and chakra theories as though they were as obvious as breathing.

Biwako recalled showing Kakashi how to darn a sock, and to how to make the repair flat so that it did not chafe, and he had watched intently with his sharingan, and then performed the darn perfectly on his first attempt, examining it with wonder when he had finished.

She loved this child, she realised. His short life had been so hard and painful, and yet he was really such a sweet soul that she couldn't help but fall for him over and over again.

And now he had not only let her help him change for bed, but seemed content to lie comfortably back in her arms, letting her stroke his unbelievably soft hair, and she could barely believe it. He had come so far in such a short time, considering the starting point when she had taken him in.

She kept forgetting that he was a deadly killer, but it would come to her at odd moments, just like now, when she realised he probably had several ways that he could kill her without even moving as she sat behind him on the futon.

Of course, with her husband being the Hokage and her son Asuma being a chunin she was used to being around shinobi, but neither her son nor her husband was a specialised assassin. They knew jutsu which were of use in an open fight or on the battlefield, or which could be used for defence. She could name practically all of Hiruzen's techniques, even though he was known as The Professor for his encyclopedic knowledge of Konoha's techniques. But Kakashi was a truly frightening child. Hiruzen had told her that he had been specialised as an elite assassin since he had become a chunin at the age of six, and had used his size and innocence to his advantage to get close to targets who would have been too wary to allow an older shinobi near. He was silent and quick, and knew techniques meant to end life as swiftly as possible, rather than to slow down or incapacitate an enemy. There was a big difference between the type of shinobi Kakashi was and the type her husband and son were.

She could never imagine Asuma being able to carry out Kakashi's mission to assassinate a feudal lord. She knew the basic details of the story Jiraiya had referred to so knew what had gone on and what Kakashi had done. Asuma, as much as she loved him, would not have had the emotional intelligence to handle it, and Biwako was glad for that. She didn't know what she would do if he were ever asked to do something as repulsive as that. But besides that, even as Asuma's mother she knew that he did not have the skills to act the part of a staff member or the knowledge to kill in one swift, clean move and to escape undetected. Asuma was skilled in straight-up fighting, but he would make a hopeless ANBU agent and he knew it. It was a completely different game.

But it wasn't Kakashi's fault, Biwako told herself as she kept on absently stroking his hair. She felt she could see the weight of those he had killed reflected in Kakashi's eyes. Although she knew this was a fanciful notion, he seemed to take it all very heavily and she respected the fact that he wasn't cold-hearted, even as a killer.

Just as Biwako thought Kakashi had fallen asleep he tipped his head back to look up at her, and whispered that Naruto had fallen asleep. Gently getting up, she took the baby and laid him in his cot, then returned to her spot on the bed.

"Naruto is getting so big now" she said softly, resuming her stroking of Kakashi's hair. "He's really a lot more alert now, it fantastic to see him doing so well."

"He's changed so much in only three months", Kakashi's voice was low and quiet. "I don't know how long I will be away with Jiraiya-sama, but I will miss so much of his development, even if we're only gone for a few months."

He was silent for a moment and Biwako didn't really know what to say so she waited.

"I don't know if I can leave him." His voice was even quieter now, barely a whisper. "I know you'll take better care of him than I can, but I will miss him."

"Kakashi, it is always hard to let a child go, but we all have to do it eventually, and it doesn't get much easier, even when they are fully grown. If you don't do this, or you'll miss out on so much. Enjoy what's left of your own youth Kakashi, and catch up with Naruto when he's older. Wouldn't you rather be a brother to him than a father anyhow? That way he might actually listen to what you have to say!" Biwako chuckled a little, recalling how her own kids had tried their best to go against their father's advice.

"Go and gain your own wisdom first, live your own life and when you come back, Naruto will be waiting for you and you can teach him everything you know about life as well as ninjutsu."

Biwako smiled and leaned in to kiss Kakashi's silver mop.

"You're asleep, aren't you?" she murmured into his hair. The lack of a response confirmed it but she continued to caress Kakashi's head for a while, hoping he could find it in himself to leave Naruto with her. It didn't seem to be an issue of trust that might stop him, but more his own great love for the baby and a real, parent-like need to be there for each step in 'his' child's journey.

She stayed still for a few more minutes before kissing Kakashi's head once more to hopefully give him the chance to fall asleep more deeply before she tried to move. She then carefully slipped out from beneath Kakashi's skinny little shoulders and took the baby with her as she left him in peace, silently hoping that he would sleep soundly.


	11. Agent Kakashi

Chapter 11 - Agent Kakashi

Kakashi carefully concealed his chakra and erased his scent, as he made his way into the ANBU building. He hadn't been inside the place for probably six months or more now, and going on the information he had just gathered from his ANBU colleagues, neither had they. This carefully-extracted piece of information meant that Kakashi just had to get in there and find out what might be hidden inside. He knew he should report this information to Jiraiya-sama and await further orders, but Kakashi was restless.

He had carried out next to no missions since he had taken Naruto in, and he was eager to do something. Being able to share a little bit of himself with Jiraiya-sama and Biwako-san had helped him more than he had realised, as he had been sleeping better the last few nights. The knock-on effect was that he felt he had more of an appetite and already he felt that he had more energy. Besides, Kakashi was a jounin of Konoha, technically equal in rank to Jiraiya-sama, and he wanted to show what he was capable of before they left, as they could spend more time actually training if Jiraiya had some prior knowledge of his skills.

But what had seemed like a good idea ten minutes ago when Kakashi had been standing in the shadows several streets away from the ANBU building did not seem so much like a walk in the park now.

Concealment and stealth had never been difficult for Kakashi in the past, but now he found he had to concentrate a little too hard on masking his chakra signature when he really needed one hundred percent of his focus to be on the task he was trying to complete.

Kakashi cleared his mind of doubts and thought over his self-appointed mission, clarifying it step by step in his head.

He thought it through in the form of a mission brief in his mind, trying to keep it professional in order to galvanise his spirit.

"1. Gain entry to ANBU building, secure exit points and carry out risk assessment.

2. Locate offices of and obtain names of leadership.

3. Procure relevant documentary evidence. Note: operative (A.K.A myself) to identify relevance at own discretion.

4. Withdraw and regroup at rendezvous point."

Kakashi had this recorded precisely in his accurate memory. It had been so long since he had done anything like this. Well it had been about four or five months, which felt like an eternity. So much had changed in that time. But now was not the time to start getting upset over the past.

Kakashi's most recent missions had been low-level VIP escort missions and Hokage guard missions and he didn't want to take any chances. Although he would have scoffed at being asked to complete such a simple mission when he was nine or ten, Kakashi had matured a lot since then and was now aware that there were things that were more important than proving oneself and completing a miesion. Things such as teammates and staying alive.

Kakashi had learned since Obito's death and the end of the war that there are times to fight and times to flee, and that to rush into a fight unprepared is little short of suicide, no matter how skilled you are.

So he had prepared himself carefully for his self-assigned infiltration mission, and had spent almost an entire five minutes sitting on the roof of his apartment block planning out his strategy. Having assessed the likely dangers Kakashi had identified the greatest risk to be Danzo's unforeseen presence in the building (Kakashi knew he was supposed to be attending a Council meeting with the Fire Daimyo, so should be occupied all morning at least), his own ability to suppress his chakra and scent fully, and the possibility that the building would be heavily occupied.

He checked that his hood fully covered his hair and his mask was over his face properly before stepping through the door he had picked open with great third threat - that the building would be heavily occupied - had not really struck Kakashi as being all that likely, as if the regular ANBU had not been going there recently, who else could it be?

So as he rounded a corner and came upon a sea of cloaks and masks, Kakashi was a bit taken aback.

There were what looked like several hundred masked and cloaked bodies all moving in the same direction down the corridor. With no time to really think Kakashi slid amongst them and allowed himself to be ushered along with their flow to wherever they were going.

Kakashi had deliberately worn a fake ANBU mask instead of his own distinctive 'Wolf' mask, and he was glad he had done so. He didn't usually wear the cloak except when on the Hokage's personal guard, but others did wear them, and he had to conceal his distinctive hair somehow.

But each and every ANBU here wore a plain mask, with simple red markings on it just like his false mask, and all wore their brown or grey cloaks with the hoods drawn up.

The situation was puzzling. At first Kakashi had wondered if a mass ANBU meeting had been called and he was unaware or uninvited, but he didn't recognise more than two or three scents among all those people, so he knew that wasn't the case.

These were ANBU he had never encountered before.

The only thing for it now was to keep with them and find out where they were heading. It didn't take long for Kakashi to realise that it wasn't only the personnel which had changed but the building itself was different too. It was a lot darker than he recalled, and after they had glided down several flights of stairs the ANBU stepped out into what looked like a large basement area whose ceiling was covered with heating and ventilation ducting and all manner of other servicing pipes. Kakashi realised just in time that if he went out there he would most likely be spottd. Danzou was a stickler for accuracy after al, and Kakashi couldn't imagine him not knowing the exact number of minions attending his meeting, if that's what it was.

And Kakashi knew Danzou was there.

He could smell him clearly over the other scents in the room and could feel his distinctive chakra. He shuddered slightly, then pulled himself together.

There were two options, well, three if he was feeling suicidal.

1. Exit the way he had come in and remain undetected (sensible option)

2. Try to blend in with the crowd to listen in to whatever was about to take place in that room (suicidal option)

3. Take the place of one of the unknown ANBU operatives (risky given unknown strength of the target).

The third option would have been as suicidal as the second for most people, but Kakashi was confident in his abilities. He had been sneaking up on unsuspecting people and jumping out of the shadows since he was six years old. But even so, he was concerned that whoever these people were they must be strong or Danzou would not keep them around him and the unknown element disturbed him as well. He had no idea who his target might be, and could not even see his face to make any sort of character judgement before making a move.

Still, now that he was here, Kakashi could not pass up this opportunity and simply leave, and there was really no point in trying to gather information if he was killed before he could get it out of the building, so the first and second options were simply not in the running.

So, preparing himself, Kakashi shrunk into the shadows just outside the entrance to the great underground chamber and waited.

Finally, the second-to-last ANBU passed through the door, and Kakashi pounced. Within a fraction of a second a body was lying in a heap in the shadows beneath the stairs and a second after that the last ANBU followed his many comrades into the enormous space.

The basement area beneath the ANBU building was truly cavernous. Had it always been there or had Danzou constructed it, Kakashi wondered, lookin around as discreetly as he could.

He had never worn someone else's ANBU mask before, and it was decidedly unpleasant to his mind. He was certainly glad of his black cloth mask as it at least kept his lips from mistakenly touching the area of the mask where the other ANBU's mouth had been. The mask smelled strongly of saliva and Kakashi had to fight his urge to run and throw up somewhere.

He had that problem a lot, but had been working on it with a couple of his ANBU tracking teammates from the Inuzuka clan on techniques to stop himself from gagging or vomiting at particularly strong odours. For as long as he could remember, Kakashi had found it difficult to cope when bombarded with scents, and strong smells had almost knocked him out cold more than once when he had first graduated as a shinobi. The Inuzuka clansmen in ANBU had helped him enormously with not only coping with a scent overload but also with techniques for scent-identification and advanced strategies for tracking by scent. Kakashi's nose wasn't quite as sensitive as their's were, but after almost a year of training together on and off he could now pick up and follow scent trails that he would never have even noticed on his own.

That was why he had changed into the unknown ANBU's mask and cloak, and had continued to mask his own scent. He didn't dare mask his chakra signature any longer for the same reason he could not just slip in amongst the other bodies - someone was bound to spot the difference in numbers - so he had to alter his chakra signature slightly so it wouldn't be picked up as his own should anyone in the room be familiar with him. He felt bad for the guy he had knocked out, as these guys probably had little choice in being there, but this way he might be able to help stop this, whatever it was. Then these shinobi, who were obviously kids, most being no taller than he was, would be free of this kind of control. Kakashi thought of his own life, and how he was supposedly 'free'. While he knew that he was free when compared to these guys, he also felt that to an extent there was no freedom for any shinobi and once they had sworn their life in service to their village, that was pretty much the end of freedom. But Kakashi also felt that perhaps he had wasted what little freedom he had been offered in the past, and he decided to take Jiraiya-sama's offer in both hands and try his utmost to enjoy it. After all, he knew he could easily have ended up as one of these faceless ANBU had he not worked as hard as he had done, for had he not attracted the attention of the village by both rising through the ranks so quickly and being the student of the Yellow Flash he would likely have been singled out by Danzo to join this organisation.

Kakashi turned his attention to the meeting taking place, and employed one of the Inuzuka techniques, focussing his mind away from the scent on the porcelain mask and imagining a different, more neutral scent.

At the far side of the chamber was a platform on which were seated four robed figures. Opening Obito's eye just a crack, Kakashi tried to see who they were but they wore hoods and were cloaked in shadow, so he could not see their faces. He didn't recognise their scents as belonging to the two Elders who were the Hokage-sama's teammates, which was a relief, but he did recognise two scents from the three or four times he had been summoned to the Council Chamber. Between the four was a space, and it didn't take much to guess that the space was reserved for Danzou.

The man liked to make an entrance, so he had waited for the room to be filled before walking onto the platform.

And sure enough, the eerie clatter of wood on metal reverberated from the dark corridor behind the platform, and a shadowy figure began to emerge onto the stage.

The sound of Danzou's cane tapping on the cold metal flooring grew ever louder as the man approached, each step echoing. It was as though he had planned it all out and Kakashi had an image of the sinister middle-aged man practicing his entrance to achieve just the right effect.

Kakashi had to suppress a shudder, but he noticed that several of those around him seemed to be doing the same. When that disconcerting sound finally stopped, Danzou stood on the platform dressed in a long brown ANBU cloak, surveying the cloaked figures of the mysterious ANBU shinobi like a rich man surveying his compliment of slaves. Kakashi fought against holding his breath and kept his breathing and heartrate steady - but not too steady. He matched rhythm and speed with those surrounding him, and he could smell the apprehension of most and the fear of a few.

To his relief, Danzou seemed satisfied with what he saw, and stepped to the front of the platform and began to speak, thrusting back his brown hood as he did so.

"Shinobi of Ne. You have been selected for your unique skills and your unwavering loyalty to Konoha. I will get straight to the point. The current Hokage does not have the best interests of the Village at heart. I have tried using my lace on the Council of Elders to convince him to do what is right for Konoha, but he does not heed my words. He is too soft-hearted to do what needs to be done. That is why I have created Ne. You are al loyal to Konoha, and therefore loyal to me, Danzou-sama. I will command you to act in Konoha's best interests and you will never question your orders.

As Shinobi of Ne you do not report to the Hokage. You do not serve the Hokage. You are direct servants of the Village alone. With my guidance you will become the very foundations, the very roots from which the Tree that is Konoha will grow and become proud and strong once again. As Ne, you will work in the shadows to restore the glory of our once-great Village. You will not receive acolaids for your deeds, nor will you be recognised should you happen to perish in the service of Ne. If you fail, you will not return to the Village. If you are captured n the line of duty you will not speak of Ne or of your mission.

Today you will all receive several gifts to help you better serve Konoha. Your tongues will be sealed to prevent you from speaking of that which you should not. Even under duress you will not be able to reveal any secrets, for the seal will render you dumb should you try to speak of your mission. You will each be implanted with a lethal capsule which can be activated by your own or a senior Ne Operative's chakra to prevent your bodies revealing the secrets of the Village. You will also receive your Ne identity. From this day forward you must forget all that you have learned outside of Ne once and for all.

Ne is Konoha, You are Ne. Serve me well."

Danzou stopped speaking and threw off his cloak completely to reveal his bandaged right arm and chest. With his left hand he began to unwrap the bandages around his head and right eye.

Kakashi could feel the fear in the room now. The speech had shaken up a lot of the young shinobi and he knew that if he were a member of this Ne he would feel the same way.

He had to get out before the sealing rituals were carried out or he would become useless as a spy, even if he managed to make it back out again alive, for his tongue would be sealed. And he didn't fancy having what sounded like a suicide pill implanted inside of him that was under the control of others. Of course as ANBU Kakashi was sworn not to reveal Village secrets or to leave behind a body should he die on a mission, so he carried such supplies and knew several jutsu that would destroy his body on death, but having his life placed in the hands of Danzou did not appeal in the slightest.

But what was the old man doing now?

Just in time Kakashi spotted a flash of red as Danzou uncovered his right eye, and opened Obito's sharingan purely on instinct.

"A sharingan? How did he come to have that?" thought Kakashi, shocked.

He easily countered the low-level genjutsu the Elder cast on the room, but it seemed the rest of the Ne shinobi were caught in it. Again Kakashi matched his vital signs to those around him and disrupted his own chakra flow to fake being caught in the technique. He knew only too well that the sharingan, even at the first stage of its development as Danzou's clearly was, could discern the difference in chakra flow in a person caught in a genjutsu. After all, spotting the disturbance in Rin's chakra had been one of the first things Obito had done with his sharingan. Kakashi forced himself to focus. This was not the time for memories. He really must ave been out of the field for too long if he couldn't even follow the shinobi code any more.

Danzou's eye only had two tomoe, as Obito's had when Kakashi had received it. In only a year Kakashi had managed to activate the next level. That had come from his absolute fear for the lives of his ANBU cell during the Kyuubi attac, and while he had by no means mastered the new version of the eye, Kakashi knew that even an untrained three-tomoe sharingan was many times more powerful than the most refined two-tomoe version.

But where - or who - had Danzou got that eye from, Kakashi wondered.

From the way the old man closed the eye fairly quickly, Kakashi guessed, based on his own experiences, that the eye was pretty new and Danzou had not yet overcome the drain on his chakra caused by the eye. Kakashi still had that problem. He had been doing much better until the eye decided to change to its more advanced state, at which point it had begun to suck his chakra relentlessly again.

Jiraiya-sama most definitely needed to know about this.

The genjutsu was released, and Kakashi felt a strange sense of calm descend upon the underground room. There was no longer any fear coming from the Ne operatives and their heart rates were steady. that level of genjutsu using that eye would no doubt take a lot of chakra. When combined with the drain from simply keeping the foreign eye open, Kakashi calculated that Danzou, unless he had a ridiculously huge chakra reserve, would be running low now and would probably be feeling rather faint, so should be likely to withdraw.

Opening Obit'o's eye a fraction again, Kakashi noted that he was correct. Danzou's chakra levels did look low compared to the way they had looked before the jutsu had been used. And as if on cue, the Elder turned and walked back into the shadows, cane tapping menacingly as he went. Although this time, no one shuddered.

Now was Kakashi's moment.

He executed the kawarimi no jutsu and replaced himself with the Ne operative he had knocked out earlier using a version of the technique which swapped the body of the user with that of the target but left any clothing in place.

Kakashi's technique worked perfectly and he didn't stop to witness the effects of the sudden apparent collapse of a shinobi at the back of the meeting space, whatever those might be. He hoped the hapless shinobi he had picked on would not be punished for it, and felt guilty again, but he had no choice, he had to get out of there with the information he had gathered. These kids were being brainwashed and used by Danzou and the faceless Others on the platform in the name of Konoha no less. To question the Hokage-sama like that as wel... It made Kakashi's normally tepid blood boil, and he had to work to reign in the intent to kill that he felt as he backtracked silently up the stairs and out of the door he had entered by.

Outside in the shadows of the doorway, Kakashi carefully re-locked the door with his picks and leapt away from the ANBU building onto the roofstops, breathing a sigh of relief.

He did not know he was safe however, so did not go home, but went to one of the training grounds on top of the Hokage Mountain to work out his frustration and anger.

The grounds were quiet at this time of the evening, so it was easy to tell if anyone had followed him there from the ANBU building.

To Kakashi's relief, he felt no one for several minutes, and then Jiraiya-sama's familiar chakra and scent appeared and he relaxed, but continued to kick at the training post and did not remove the ANBU mask or cloak.

The worst thing about the clothing switch kawarimi was that it was not possible to choose which items of clothing you wanted to leave behind. It was all or nothing.

This weakness meant that Kakashi was now wearing the other shinobi's entire outfit, from his sandals to his underwear, and he did not have his cloth mask on either, thought he noted that the other shinobi also wore a mask beneath his ANBU one, and that saliva-encrusted thing was now pressing against Kakashi's face. In his agitation over making good his escape, it hadn't bothered him, but as he started to calm down it felt disgusting and he wanted to be sick once again.

He couldn't face it any longer and, keeping his back to Jiraiya-sama, Kakashi lifted the porcelain mask and whipped the cloth mask down to hang around his neck before replacing the ANBU mask in a flash.

Behind him he heard Jiraiya-sama laugh.

"Kakashi-kun. Take that ridiculous mask off and I'll give you sparring match. Then I'll treat you to dinner and you can tell me what you've found out today". He chuckled again. "I know you did more than just ask around and I'm dying to know what's got you so worked up. Not to mention why you're wearing someone else's clothes under that cloak".

Kakashi blushed. How did he know that? He hadn't thought Jiraiya-sama to be a scent-sensitive ninja but perhaps he was wrong there.

"How did you know that, Jiraiya-sama?" he asked quietly.

"Those sandals are far too big for you, and they're a different colour to the pair you had on earlier. And I can see the bottom of your trousers underneath the cloak where before your ankles were bound and you had short trousers on. Just how did you do that anyway?" Jiraiya-sama looked as though he was close to cracking up with laughter, and Kakashi guessed his outfit must look quite strange.

"Kawarimi no jutsu, clothing switch style" Kakashi replied simply. "I needed to make a quick escape. Will you really spr with me?"

In spite of himself Kakashi felt excited. The spying mission had put him on edge, and had returned his part-forgotten shinobi senses to near what they used to be. Now he was itching to test himself. Jiraiya-sama was so strong Kakashi knew that he couldn't beat him, which made for a better practice as he could go all-out without worrying about hurting his opponent.

Jiraiya-sama was laughing again, and Kakashi realised that he was squirming a little. This shirt was itchy.

"If you want to go and change first I'll wait for you here. You'll never be able to land a hit on me if you're squirming ike that, ha ha ha...!"

Kakashi just nodded and bowed slightly, then teleported away to his apartment to change. He was more excited about this sparring match than he ever remembered being in the past. Perhaps there as that one time his father had promised to teach him the kuchiyose no jutsu... But that had never happened. No. Instead of coming home from a mission to be taught the jutsu, Kakashi had come home to his father's cold, dead body lying curled up on the floor...

He felt that pain in his chest again at the memory, but he tried to ignore it. He tried not to let it overwhelm him and it nearly did anyway, but he focussed on changing as quickly as he could, incinerating the borrowed clothes.

He had to think of the future. Sparing with Jiraiya-sama would surely create a happy memory that he could look back on in the future, so if he let himself dwell on the past it would ruin the present, and spoil that yet-to-be-created memory. Smiling softly, Kakashi pulled on a fresh black face mask and leaped out of his window, looking forward to testing his skills against one of the Legendary Sannin.


	12. Spar

Chapter 12 - Spar

"OK kid. Come at me with the intent to kill, do your best and I'll do you the honour of letting you have the Great Sannin Jiraiya-sama's honest opinion on your skills when we're finished!"

Jiraiya struck a most impressive pose and flashed a grin at Kakashi, and for his efforts received merely a single raised eyebrow. The kid was far too serious, he thought. This was supposed to be fun, and Kakashi seemed to be looking at it like work. Jiraiya had always loved testing his growing skills through a good spar with a friend or a superior shinobi when he was Kakashi's age.

He eyed the boy appraisingly. His stance was outwardly relaxed, but Jiraiya could see that he was actually totally alert, ready for action.

He sighed and readied his own stance, raising his arms into a more dramatic fighting pose.

"Come at me whenever you are ready."

"Hai!" Kakashi answered, and in spite of the serious look on his face his response seemed to have at least a touch of enthusiasm behind it. The boy's muscles tensed almost imperceptibly, but Jiraiya noticed it, of course. He wasn't among Konoha's top three ninja for nothing!

He waited for Kakashi to make his move, wondering.

He didn't seem like the type to dash in head-on as Jiraiya himself had been prone to doing in his youth. He seemed more like the type to...

A swift blow to the backs of his knees swept his legs from beneath him and stopped his thoughts in their tracks.

He fell to the ground.

Jiraiya wondered if his eyes deceived him but no - Kakashi had not moved an inch from his starting position. How had he done that? He hadn't seen the kid make the sign for a kage bunshin.

But there was no time to think, as the Kakashi in front of Jiraiya threw two senbon towards him. They were moving too fast. In the position he was in on his knees, Jiraiya didn't get the chance to move before the two needles embedded themselves in each of his shoulders.

He recognised at once that two pressure points that would stop him from lifting his arms had been hit.

Great. He couldn't even pull the needles out.

This was an embarrassing situation indeed.

Still, he was the Great Jiraiya-sama, so losing the use of his arms was no problem for him...

"Oof!"

Jiraiya's was pounced on from behind, and his face was soon buried in the dirt. Kakashi sat on his back, a kunai held to his throat, just breaking the skin.

The kid was light and Jiraiya could quite easily have thrown him off, but he knew that he had lost this one. Kakashi had efficiently stuck senbon in the backs of Jiraiya's knees so he knew he wouldn't be able to stand, and the kunai pressing into his neck - non too gently mind you - was a reminder that the kid had the upper hand.

Jiraiya sighed and relaxed his body in defeat. He had underestimated Kakashi, but in the next round he would be prepared to give the boy his due respect and expect the unexpected.

But those movements. This child was even more impressive than Jiraiya had heard. In truth, he had presumed many of the stories he had heard had been exaggerations. Tales of the ANBU Wolf of Konoha tended to describe a fantastically fast shinobi whose movements could barely be tracked; a shinobi who moved with the shadows; a shinobi who could appear from nowhere to slit the throat of even the most skilled of opponents before they had noticed he was there.

It had all seemed rather fantastical. The kinds of tales that started off with a basis in truth but became embellished with each re-telling to become legends. Just like the tales of the Sannin, which Jiraiya knew were mostly true, of course.

But having now experienced the kid's techniques first-hand, Jiraiya was in no doubt that Kakashi was probably capable of most of what the stories had told.

Jiraiya felt both sad and proud as he realised this. Proud of course that the kid had was already such an amazing fighter, but sad that he had learned to be such an efficient killer. His style allowed no room for hesitation or for sparing a second thought for the victim. He had to be completely ruthless in order to be so efficient. And yet, this method was kinder on the victim than a drawn-out fight and an illusion that the other could win. Jiraiya had hoped the stories were false. Kakashi was a gentle soul, and so alone, and this sort of a reputation would only serve to isolate him further while each kill would surely destroy a little more of his heart. A little more of his humanity.

Jiraiya was shaken from his thoughts as Kakashi got off his back to let him up. He had evidently sensed that his prey had given up, and he jumped up and efficiently removed the four senbon from Jiraiya's body, cleaning them off with some turpentine on a rag and putting them carefully back into his left hip pouch.

As he came around to help Jiraiya to his feet the other Kakashi, which had thrown the senbon, disappeared in a small cloud of smoke.

"OK brat" said Jiraiya, dusting himself off, "you've effectively demonstrated that I shouldn't underestimate you just because you're small and weedy-looking, so now let's have a proper match, OK? I want the chance to watch you so I get an idea of your fighting style."

Kakashi looked a little puzzled. Did he really think the purpose of a friendly spar was to incapacitate the opponent as fast as possible? Well, when Jiraiya thought about it, a spar was supposed to be like a fight but without actually killing anyone, so this was probably Kakashi's slightly lopsided version of a sparring match. Jiraiya thought Kakashi was a pretty cute kid really. He misunderstood so much that was obvious to most people, and had a strange, almost upside-down perspective on the world. It was refreshing, if a little disturbing at times.

"So, Jiraiya-sama, am I not supposed to try to disable my opponent as quickly as I can?"

So he really did think that was what a spar was supposed to be! This kid!

Jiraiya smiled and shook his head.

"You are supposed to do that when you are fighting for real, Kakashi-kun. But when you spar with friends you're supposed to fight openly, no dirty tactics. You spar to improve your skills and to test new techniques out before you have to use them in a real battle situation. You took me down very quickly, and I didn't see you create that kage bunshin. It was extremely impressive and, er, efficient but I need to see how you fight head-on. If I can't see you fight and understand your techniques and skill-set, I can't figure out how we can best work together if we come across a group of strong opponents on our travels".

Jiraiya sighed as Kakashi focused his gaze on the ground, looking a bit sheepish. He felt sorry for the kid. He was too damn skilled for his own good.

"How about this. Let's have a ban on ninjutsu and genjutsu in this one, OK? Taijutsu and weapons only. I see you have a wakizashi there. I presume it's not just for show and that you know how to use it?"

Jiraiya left the question hanging as he drew his own tanto and lunged at Kakashi, a huge grin appearing on his face when he realised how unprepared the kid was for the sudden attack. Even so, Kakashi's blade was out and he had blocked the attack before Jiraiya could scratch him.

The Sannin grinned some more. So the kid was skilled with a sword too, like his old man.

He pushed hard against Kakashi's block, forcing the boy to yield some ground before he sprung away.

Jiraiya jumped back as well and brought his sword up to guard as Kakashi attacked from the side.

Kakashi was fast. He was so quick that Jiraiya took several nicks and cuts to his legs and arms, and even took a scratch to his torso, where Kakashi's beautiful sword had sliced through his robes and drawn a little blood.

He focused harder on his opponent, and soon became used to Kakashi's speed, although his movements were unpredictable and unorthodox which made it harder to successfully avoid all of his strikes. It was quite plain that the kid was experienced in real combat and hadn't just learned his kenjutsu in the dojo. That was ANBU for you, Jiraiya supposed. They all carried katana, so presumably trained in using them to some extent.

When he fought, Kakashi was elegant. He moved with a fluidity that kept his body constantly in motion and never allowed his opponent the chance to pin him down.

And not a movement was wasted.

Jiraiya swung downwards, Kakashi blocked. He did not push back with his sword as expected but dropped backwards to the ground, rolling and springing away on his hands to attack from another angle. He was using his small size to his advantage, and seemed to be well aware that his weakness lay in his strength, especially against someone like Jiraiya.

Whenever he was forced to the ground, Kakashi would use the momentum to roll gracefully aside and regain his feet, never dropping his guard.

Jiraiya had never, in all his years of fighting, seen a style of swordplay like it. He realised that Kakashi had combined everything he knew about taijutsu and kenjutsu to create his own style; elegant, efficient, beautiful and deadly. It was a style that worked for Kakashi because of his speed, his slight build and his ability to think incredibly quickly. He had obviously developed this mis-matched style in real combat, as there was no formula which could be figured out. Each movement appeared to be thought out on the fly, so there were no tell-tale sequences of movements to spot as there were with most people who had learned a particular fighting style. When under pressure, their bodies tended to move automatically, flowing through sequences of movements they had spent hours practicing. Kakashi had such a cool head under pressure that he didn't seem to have that weakness.

Kakashi whirled and twisted, his sword like an extension of his body as it flashed in the evening sunlight, clashing off Jiraiya's tanto as strike after strike was blocked by the Sannin.

The kid could probably hold his own against a Samurai, Jiraiya mused as he continued to block, finding it a little easier as the strikes seemed to slow just a bit.

Kenjutsu was a very useful skill which too few shinobi really worked on. Jiraiya could think of countless occasions when his own skill with the sword had saved him. It was a particularly useful skill for a shinobi like Kakashi, who had low chakra reserves to begin with, as when he could no longer effectively use his chakra for jutsu he could whip out his sword and fight just as well with that. And of course there was that chakra blade technique that had earned Sakumo his nickname 'White Fang'. Jiraiya wondered if Kakashi knew how to use that technique, but he wouldn't ask him. If the boy could use it, it was likely he would only pull it out in a desperate situation, being such a strong reminder of Sakumo as well as surely being one of his best techniques, so not to be shown off at will.

Jiraiya watched the boy's movements with growing fascination. He could not recall the last time he had fought another shinobi who was as skilled and knowledgeable as this child. It was quite remarkable that he was only fourteen.

But for all his skill, Kakashi could not overcome the sheer strength and stamina of the Sannin. Although his strikes came fast they lacked the power to do serious damage, and it wasn't because the kid was holding back.

He was simply not physically strong enough to defeat Jiraiya, who possessed a combination of great strength, vast experience and remarkable speed for a man his size. Although, a slower opponent wouldn't have stood a chance and Jiraiya knew it.

But then, this was only kenjutsu.

According to the reports, Kakashi had a large arsenal of ninjutsu which he had copied from shinobi of many different countries, and Jiraiya supposed that it was through the clever combination of all four fighting styles that Kakashi had gained his reputation. On paper, he was not really anything special, having relatively low levels of chakra, stamina and strength. But it was his very high intelligence and agility that allowed him to make the most effective use of his abilities.

But in a straight-up kenjutsu match between two equally-skilled shinobi, which tested stamina, agility and intelligence, the victor would be whoever lasted the longest.

And already Jiraiya could see that he was wearing Kakashi down. His speed was dropping off and his movements were no longer quite as fluid.

After pushing the kid hard for about twenty minutes, Jiraiya could see that Kakashi was pretty much spent. After all, he was still recovering from three months of barely eating or sleeping, so was hardly at full-strength.

But although Kakashi looked ready to keel over, Jiraiya noticed with pride that he wasn't giving up the fight. He continued to strike and evade, seemingly running on will-power alone. But his body couldn't keep up, and his movements were becoming clumsy.

When it got to the point where Kakashi was no longer offering any real resistance, and Jiraiya could have killed him with no effort at all, the Sannin stepped back and held up his hand to stop the fight, sheathing his short-sword.

Kakashi, who was mid-lunge, simply gave up the effort, and with a sigh he fell face-first flat onto the ground.

* * *

_Note: Hello All and thanks for reading!_

_This is my first attempt at anything like a fight scene, so I would really appreciate any of your thoughts on it if you have a moment, as action/fights are not something I've written before. I've always been more of a descriptive writer who goes at quite a slow pace, so this was a real challenge for me to do (although for a fight scene I admit it too is rather slow-paced!)._

_Constructive criticism is welcomed with open arms, as is just saying whether it was OK or completely awful! There is more action planned for later on in the story, so any feedback I receive will help me to know what to work on when it comes to writing the next action sequence._

_Thank you so much for your time, 'You'._


	13. Exhaustion

_Note:_

_Hi Lovely People! Welcome back. It's quite a short one this time, I'm afraid._

_I just want to say thanks to my lovely anonymous reviewer from Chapter 12 "Namae desu". In reply to you (everyone else please skip this bit !):_  
_Don't worry about a long review and 'ranting - I like it! I love swordsmanship too, though I don't really know much about it - just what I've seen in Chinese movies! The movements are just so elegant and beautiful, and as Kakashi owns a sword anyway and moves in a beautiful, flowing way in the anime I thought it seemed fitting for him to have learned to fight well with a sword. I just couldn't resist it!_  
_The Kakazu fight is my favourite fight in the anime. It's the only time so far that Kakashi's true speed and skill has been shown, and I love how in that fight his movements are so fluid that even when he is knocked onto his back he turns it to his advantage and never stops moving for a second. It's amazing! I even slowed down the video to watch it better (aargh! did I really just admit to that!)._  
_I love that about Naruto - each character has a completely different fighting style, and even when they are seemingly doing something similar their personality and experiences always seem to show through in the way they move._  
_Thank you so much for your comments on my writing style - I'm thrilled and blushing!_

_And thank you to everyone else who has read this and has added it to alerts or favourites! And thanks to the other anonymous reviewers from earlier chapters - it didn't cross my mind until now that I could thank you here!_

_Anyway the time has come to move on..._

* * *

Chapter 13 - Exhaustion

Kakashi opened his eyes to the sight of a blue, perfect sky dappled with fluffy white clouds. He chuckled quietly. He hadn't intended to make a sound, but the sight of a cloud that looked just like Pakkun was just too funny.

"How are you feeling kid?" said a deep voice from somewhere that wasn't the sky. It was Jiraiya-sama, and he sounded pretty concerned.

Kakashi took a moment before responding to perform a quick assessment of his physical state. His entire body felt heavy, as though he had chakra exhaustion, but he didn't remember having used that much chakra. The light hurt his eyes, and his whole body seemed to ache. He couldn't remember a time he had felt so utterly exhausted. He really must have been more out of shape than he had thought. Who would have known that three months spent pretty much out of the game would leave him in such bad shape.

He tried to sit up, but his body didn't respond as he wanted it to, and he barely managed to lift himself an inch from the ground before falling back.

"I feel fine, Jiraiya-sama", he lied automatically. But obviously someone who was fine would be able to sit up, so in an attempt not to look stupid Kakashi tried once more without success and then conceded, saying "well, I am a bit stiff".

Kakashi cringed inwardly at giving such a lame response. He heard Jiraiya-sama sigh deeply and could imagine him shaking his head. But he didn't take his eyes off the clouds for a second. Things were developing up there, and he didn't want to miss any of the fleeting changes that might take place.

Pakkun was just about to sniff at, or perhaps bite, some sort of rabbit - or small elephant - or even a large mouse. And now it wasn't Pakkun any more but Jiraiya-sama's head from the back.

Kakashi chuckled again.

Pakkun and Jiraiya-sama were so different, and yet in their cloud-forms one could morph into the other so easily.

Kakashi felt Jiraiya-sama staring at him intensely, so he reluctantly pried his eyes away from the peaceful sky and turned his head to the right to look. It took far more effort than it should have done.

"Kakashi. You're not fine. And what are you laughing at?" Kakashi watched Jiraiya-sama shake his head and look at him with great concern. But wasn't it obvious?

"Oh, Pakkun, you, the elephant-mouse thing" he responded, aware that he sounded slightly vague. But they were up there for anyone to see, after all.

Jiraiya-sama frowned and turned his head to the side, addressing someone just outside of Kakashi's field of vision.

"Is he all right?" he asked the other person. Kakashi hadn't sensed them at all. He must be more out of it than he had thought.

Then a second face appeared above him, and Kakashi realised that perhaps he wasn't out of it. This person was one of the most killed shinobi in all the Five Countries after all.

"Tsunade-sama?" Kakashi was certainly surprised to see her. He opened his tired eyes wide and tried to sit up again. This time, before his back hit the ground again, Kakashi found himself caught by a pair of strong arms and raised gently to a sitting position. The arms did not release him but remained, holding him upright.

"Hi Kakashi-kun", she smiled warmly at him. "Take it slowly, your body isn't too happy with you right now" she paused and turned to glare at Jiraiya-sama. "It looks as though Jiraiya has been pushing you too hard".

"Tsunade-sama, what happened? Why are you here?" Kakashi wondered what had happened. He remembered sparring with Jiraiya-sama and feeling exhausted, so he guessed that he must have collapsed, but his body didn't feel in bad enough condition to warrant the sort of looks Jiraiya-sama and Tsunade-sama were giving each other. Jiraiya-sama spoke after a few seconds of silence.

"Kakashi-kun, you collapsed after our spar. Perhaps I did push you too hard. I should have stopped it as soon as you got tired, I realise that now, but..." he paused as Tsunade-sama backhanded him around the head. "I sent a frog to bring Tsunade here because you weren't breathing normally and I was worried. You were out for nearly two hours you know."

"And it's a good thing he did, Kakashi-kun. You shouldn't be using your chakra", added Tsunade-sama.

Kakashi was a little stunned and wanted to say something but Tsunade-sama began speaking again.

"Your system is still recovering from the almost total drain you suffered during the fight for the Village, and just using a small amount of chakra combined with physical exertion was enough to knock you out for two hours,. In fact, I'm surprised you're awake now. Still, it's time we got you back to the Village." She frowned, and Kakashi realised that he was shivering despite being inside a survival bag. He didn't feel particularly cold, but he didn't feel warm either. He was really thirsty and although he knew that going 'back to the Village' meant at least an overnight stay in the hospital he was too tired to care.

The two Sannin had turned away, and started talking in hushed voices which Kakashi could hear all too easily.

"Is he stable enough to move yet?" Jiraiya-sama asked.

"We can't keep him here. I wanted him to regain consciousness before we moved him, and he has woken up much more quickly than I was expecting, so he should be fine. I want to get him to the hospital as soon as possible now. The priority is to get him warmed up and get some fluids into him. His body temperature is all over the place". Tsunade-sama bit her lip, indicating that she was nervous. Kakashi didn't miss the movement. He had played poker with her once, and he knew that was her 'tell'. He much didn't like the way they were talking about him as though he wasn't there, although he wondered what would have them both so worried. Surely he was just tired. Neither did he like the worried looks on their faces, so he decided to intervene.

"Um, Tsunade-sama? I feel fine, honestly. I just need to rest so I don't need to go to the hospital. I can sleep at Sarutobi-sama's place". Kakashi didn't really care where he rested, but it was the only thing he could think to say at that moment, and he wanted to distract them both.

Tsunade-sama sighed deeply and exchanged a glance with Jiraiya-sama before addressing him.

"Kakashi-kun. You are suffering from severe exhaustion, and it isn't purely chakra-related either. You need to rest properly, and I want to monitor you for a bit to see how you are sleeping. You've had a hard time lately - in fact these last few years have been tough on us all - and it's all taking its toll on your body. You are not to push yourself at all or you might never recover. Do you understand, Kakashi-kun?"

She raised her voice slightly at the end, bringing Kakashi's attention back to what she was saying. His mind had drifted off and he had been looking at the clouds again, he realised. It was hard to focus.

"Hai, Tsunade-sama" he said automatically, rolling his eyes to the side to look at her face. His attention was drawn to her eyes. She had brown eyes. Light brown, like her hair. She was made up of warm colours; golden hair, brown eyes, honey skin. Her green and beige outfit. She was like the forest in summer, peaceful and warm. Jiraiya-sama was brighter and harsher in colour. White, tan. red. Still warm though. He was not bright and warm like they were. Grey hair, pale skin, black eyes - eye - and dark clothes, like a faded photograph. And Obito's Sharingan red like blood, the only bright, living part of him. He couldn't be warm like them. He felt so cold as well. He felt his body shake even though the sun was shining and he was well wrapped up.

He remembered the feeling of lying in Biwako-san's arms. Warm.

Why was he so cold when everyone else was warm, Kakashi wondered with a detached sort of interest.

He turned his eyes to the sky once more. There was Maito Gai, striking a pose. A laugh once again left his lips. Gai was warm, like the sun. Gai was always so enthusiastic. Gai saw the good in everyone, and made even Kakashi feel valuable in some way.

Then he felt so tired suddenly. Everything just ached so much, and the the light was hurting his eyed, so he closed them. They felt so heavy.

His whole body felt heavy. Perhaps someone had replaced his original bones with lead.

Yes. That would explain it. Was there a jutsu for that, he wondered? Maybe if he could copy it he wold be able to get hold of a lot of lead quite easily and... what?

What would he even use lead for anyway, Kakashi wondered as the sky and the clouds faded away and darkness came up to meet him.

* * *

Tsunade watched as Kakashi's attention seemed to wander as she spoke to him. He really couldn't focus at all and it worried her. He blinked slowly and looked at her for a moment, then his eye moved to look at Jiraiya behind her before coming to rest looking straight up again at the sky.

He laughed again. What was going on in his head? Just what was he seeing?

His eye drifted shut and he passed out again. She would have preferred him to be awake for the short trip back, but it would be all right. He was out of danger now.

She laid a hand on his skinny chest and performed a quick scan to make sure. His heart was beating strongly and his breathing seemed normal.

Jiraiya had been in such a state when she had arrived. He was hiding it of course, but he had never been good at dealing with a crisis and she could tell he cared about Sakumo's kid beyond any obligation he might have felt for his safety.

When she had followed the little messenger frog back into the forest to Jiraiya, and had started trying to correct the problems he seemed to be having with breathing, Kakashi had gone into cardiac arrest. She didn't want to tell him that just yet.

She had almost panicked. There had been no blood, but the thought of almost losing a child like that, under her very hands... She had frozen as images of Nawaki and Dan had entered her head un-looked for. By panicking over her past failures she always came that much closer to failing again. It was ironic.

But Kakashi was alive. She looked down at him. He was small for fourteen she thought, and in sleep he looked no more than ten really. But his outlook was so mature. Children should not be frail and burdened like this. Even she and Jiraiya had found some time to be kids, although they had become Genin at only six years old themselves, and had grown up in war time. But back then it had been pretty much the norm, so there were far more ninja their own age around. They hadn't been singled out and forced to grow up quite as quickly in order to work with older shinobi. Everyone had seemed to accept that kids had a role to play as well, and although they were ninja they were still treated like kids by their older comrades.

At six, Tsunade remembered being treated pretty much how ten year old Genin were treated today.

She was glad that it was no longer the norm for children that young to go out to fight, but it had probably made it harder for Kakashi to be accepted.

She sighed and bent to rearrange the blankets around the kid. She was about to scoop him up in her arms, but Jiraiya, who had been uncharacteristically silent for a while now, stepped forward.

"Let me, Tsunade." She looked into his eyes for a moment, and sensing that he really wanted to do something useful to help out she nodded and straightened up.

Jiraiya lifted Kakashi with great tenderness, careful not to jolt him at all, and cradled him closely to his huge chest. The size difference between them was really quite absurd, Tsunade thought, and she snorted a little thinking about something Jiraiya had said.

He turned, a questioning look on his face.

"I was just imagining this little squirt getting the better of you in a fight. It's pretty funny really! The Great Jiraiya-sama caught out by a smart little brat!"

Jiraiya just shook his head, feigning indignance, but Tsunade could see a smile on his lips as he leapt up into the trees.

Jiraiya was pleased that this kid had caught him out? Ha! He must really be taken with him, she thought.


	14. Attachment

Chapter 14 - Attachment

It was two whole days before Jiraiya was able to discuss the ANBU problem with Kakashi.

He had spoken at length with Sarutobi-sensei but they had not really been able to make much headway as they needed whatever firsthand information Kakashi had managed to gather. The kid had woken up a few times during those two days, but Tsunade had not allowed him to any visitors at all, insisting that he rest. But today Tsunade had said that Biwako-san and Jiraiya could visit for a few minutes, so he was planning on quizzing the boy relentlessly about the investigations he had carried out without telling anyone.

Tsunade herself showed them to Kakashi's room and knocked before stepping inside and asking Biwako-san and Jiraiya to wait outside for a minute. Biwako-san looked very concerned, Jiraiya thought. Her face mirrored his own feelings pretty well, in fact. He had wanted to set out on his trip today, but obviously that would have to be postponed for a while. He hoped it wouldn't be too long as he was getting itchy feet.

The door opened and Tsunade beckoned them inside.

The day was gloriously bright outside, but in the little hospital room the blinds were drawn and blackout curtains had been roughly tacked over the window to block out any excess light.

Jiraiya blinked as his eyes tried to adjust, and after a few seconds he could make out the bed and the chairs beside it, so he ushered Biwako-san in before him and maneuvered her towards a chair. He watched as she sat down at the bedside and gently took Kakashi's hand as she greeted him, stroking it soothingly.

Jiraiya could only just make out the pale kid against the white of the sheets, and as he drew closer to greet him and his eyes continued to adjust to the darkness he could see that he didn't look particularly well in spite of having had two days of solid rest.

"Hey kid" he said, "how are you doing? We're supposed to be on our way to the nearest hot spring already you know." Jiraiya mock-scolded Kakashi, but the response was not the expected amusement, but a low mumbled apology.

"Hey, I was joking you know", he added, not really knowing how to react to the morose response. "How about I debrief you on your investigations then? Tsunade and Biwako-san know about it already so don't worry about that" Jiraiya added as Kakashi glanced at the two women questioningly.

The boy raised his head and finally looked Jiraiya in the eye.

"OK Jiraiya-sama. Three days ago I questioned my ANBU comrades about any suspicious missions they'd been handed and also about why no one seems to have been inside the ANBU building for the last six months. It turns out that there have been a lot of unusual missions handed out recently, and also that there was a new protocol introduced about six months ago which requires ANBU teams to meet at a set of coordinates to receive certain missions from another operative, rather than to meet in the ANBU building and receive missions from the Hokage. This came from the Council itself, so it was taken as read and never openly questioned."

"So you were aware of this protocol, Kakashi?" Jiraiya asked.

"No" came the reply. "Being a solo operative at the time I was still receiving my missions from the Hokage and twice from the Council. I did not think of it at the time, but when I was assigned my missions from the Council, only three members were ever present. Danzou-sama, Yamamoto-sama and Moritake-sama".

Jiraiya frowned. Danzou was known for his hardline stand in opposition to Sarutobi-sensei, but the others had always seemed moderate. Well, that made them easier to sway, he supposed. Kakashi was continuing, so he turned his attention back to the kid.

"I decided to carry out an investigation, so infiltrated a large-scale meeting of around two-hundred unknown ANBU operatives conducted by Danzou-sama. Moritake-sama and Yamamoto-sama were also present along with two other leaders who I did not recognise."

Biwako-san looked stunned. Jiraiya remembered her being friends with Moritake-sama, and guessed that was why.

"The meeting was held in a large underground chamber beneath the ANBU building. Danzou-sama made a grand speech about his new organisation "Ne" which he claims works for the interests of Konoha, but which goes against the Hokage. I can give you the speech later if you would like to hear it, Jiraiya-sama?" Kakashi offered, looking up at Jiraiya.

"You wrote it down?" Jiraiya asked incredulously, impressed that the kid had found the time to do that whist under cover.

"No, I have it memorised." Kakashi looked down at his hands, seeming rather embarrassed, and Jiraiya remembered that he couldn't read. He kicked himself for being so insensitive as to mention it like that. Then his big mouth blurted out "Oh yes I forgot that you can't read and write. That's even more impressive though, to commit an entire speech to memory on the spur of the moment like that." Jiraiya was genuinely impressed, but his smile faded when he realised he had just embarrassed the poor kid further in front of Tsunade, who hadn't known he was illiterate.

"Dammit!. I'm sorry Kakashi, I didn't think. Me and my big mouth."

"It's all right Jiraiya-sama." Kakashi flashed him what might have been a smile - or it could have been a scowl - before continuing his report.

"Danzou-sama explained various methods to bind the Ne operatives to his service, and then he cast a genjutsu on them all to calm them down, as they were all pretty shaken up. He used an implanted Sharingan, Jiraiya-sama." Kakashi turned to Jiraiya, his eye wide with the weight of the revelation.

"You did well, Kakashi. I'll let Sarutobi-sensei know at once. This will be tricky though, with three Council members involved. I'll need you to dictate your full report to me, and I'll write it down. That speech as well. I don't want to overlook any details that could be important later on."

Jiraiya reached into his robes for his trusty notebook and ink set, but Tsunade's hand on his arm stopped him.

"We can do this tomorrow, Jiraiya. You'd best get to Sarutobi-sensei now and leave Kakashi to get some more rest."

Jiraiya agreed, and they all left at once, as neither he nor Biwako-san wanted to jeopardise Kakashi's chances of recovery, so they left him alone in that stiflingly warm, dark room to rest.

As they walked through the hospital, the three were all silent, deep in their own thoughts, the three were all silent, deep in their own thoughts. When they reached the main lobby, Tsunade broke the silence to wish the others farewell. She had a few things to finish up in the hospital before she left for the day.

"Biwako-san, Jiraiya, I'll say goodbye to you here for now. Jiraiya, you can collect Kakashi in the morning if you like; I know you're quite eager to set off. He wont be able to walk for at least a week or more likely two, but I would recommend you take him away anyhow. He needs strict rest and relaxation, and he's not going to get that here, worrying about Danzou on top of everything else."

Biwako-san smiled. "I agree, Tsunade-hime. Kakashi-kun needs to get away from everything, especially Naruto. He's been worrying far too much about the baby. I'll take good care of Naruto, so there's no need for him to worry about that." She paused for a moment in thought. "If you really are going to head out tomorrow Jiraiya-kun, how about I bring Naruto-chan round in the morning to let Kakashi say goodbye to him?"

Jiraiya nodded. "I plan to take the kid away tomorrow. It won't be too early, but I'd like to be underway by midday, so please bring Naruto by in the morning Biwako-san. I'll report Kakashi's findings to Sarutobi-sensei. Tsunade-chan, I need you to keep an eye out for any medics capable of carrying out an eye transplant and to see if we can get any further information on Danzou's latest weapon."

Tsunade nodded.

"From what Kakashi said, that eye is pretty new to Danzou, so it shouldn't be that hard to track down those involved. Although I would be very surprised if Danzou doesn't have at least one top class medical ninja within his organisation. This 'Ne'."

She pronounce the word 'Ne' with great hostility; perhaps a little more than she had intended. Jiraiya agreed with her though.

"Hmm, it would be too risky for him not to really, with all these unknown shinobi under his control. Although he isn't the type to care about the welfare of this troops, I would imagine he would want to keep all his loyal followers in top condition so he can exploit them to their maximum capacity."

Tsunade continued. "I'll ask some discreet questions of my staff then, and I'll let Sarutobi-sensei know if I find anything useful. But, Jiraiya-kun, Biwako-san, I don't think that Kakashi should see Naruto again before leaving. I understand you want to help him out, but it's not going to help him to leave the baby behind if he sees him again now. That's my view, at any rate. See you tomorrow, Jiraiya-kun, and goodnight to you to, Biwako-san."

Before they could respond, Tsunade went back inside the hospital, waving a hand behind her in farewell. She knew they wouldn't agree with her about not letting Kakashi see Naruto again, but she felt she was right. It didn't seem sensible to put additional worries into the kid's head just before he set out on a long trip.

She thought she'd go back and check on Kakashi first. He had seriously worried her the other day, and she wanted to make sure he would sleep tonight.

When she got to his room, Kakashi was not lying in the bed as she had expected, but was doing pushups. He froze as she came in, halfway through a repetition, and looked at her with what she fancied to be a guilty expression.

Tsunade was more than used to shinobi over-exerting themselves while under orders to rest, especially the young ones. She sighed and rushed over to the help the foolish kid get repositioned on his back again.

She hooked her arms under his chest to take his weight, and gently lifted him, rolling his body over and laying him back down where he should have been to begin with. She said nothing as she checked his condition and re-attached the monitors and intravenous lines he had puled out, then stood back to survey her patient.

Kakashi met her gaze, but looked sheepish.

Of course, he didn't actually know he had almost died two days earlier, but simply thought he as suffering ordinary exhaustion. He was still well aware that he shouldn't have been exercising so soon in any case, but Tsunade didn't feel she could be too harsh on him.

"Kakashi. I need you to rest. It's far too soon for you to be pushing yourself."

The child lowered his gaze to his lap, obviously all too aware that he shouldn't have been moving around. Tsunade's expression softened as she watched him and remembered how she had saved his life the other day. She wondered at how attached Jiraiya was to the kid, but she had guessed it was mainly because he was Sakumo's son and Minato's student that her teammate had such an interest in him. But perhaps she would give Kakashi a chance. It was always possible that Jiraiya was fond of the kid for his own qualities rather than just his connection with people Jiraiya had cared about. Tsunade often had to remind herself that Jiraiya lived in the present, not in the past as she was wont to do.

"Kakashi-kun. There's something I need to tell you as you're obviously not going to rest properly otherwise."

He looked up at her again, a hint of a frown on his face, and Tsunade took a deep breath. It was never easy to deliver bad news to a patient, and he wasn't making it any easier by sitting there looking at her all wide-eyed and innocent.

She sighed deeply and decided to get it over with.

"Two days ago, after you collapsed, Jiraiya called me to look at you because you breathing and pulse were irregular, and that isn't normal for a person who is suffering from ordinary chakra exhaustion. After I arrived, you suffered heart failure. I very nearly lost you." Tsunade swallowed heavily. "You really mustn't push yourself. at all for at least a week, Kakashi-kun. You won't be able to walk for at least that long, although I'm surprised that you are already mobile enough to start doing pushups. If you feel up to it, Jiraiya has my permission to take you away tomorrow provided he doesn't let you do anything silly. I'm sure you understand why I'm telling you this, Kakashi. Don't start training again too soon or you'll be putting you life in danger needlessly." She smiled, seeing his worried face. "Resting is part of training too, you know," she added, stepping up to the bed and tucking the sheets more closely around Kakashi.

He didn't speak for a while. Tsunade knew he was a smart kid, so he most likely preferred to choose his words before speaking. Unlike Jiraiya, Tsunade snarled to herself. She hoped Kakashi didn't pick up too many bad habits from Jiraiya. She couldn't handle more than one of his type, as much as she loved him.

"Tsunade-sama," came Kakashi's response at some length. "Will I be able to see Naruto before Jiraiya-sama comes to pick me up tomorrow?"

Tsunade was both surprised and dismayed at the urgency behind the quiet request. She had hoped Kakashi wouldn't bring it up, and she hadn't quite believed that he could really feel that strongly about the baby. After everything else he had been through she wanted to tell him that yes, he would see the baby, but she knew it was wrong to raise his hopes like that. She hadn't realised the depth of Kakashi's attachment to Naruto, and it was even more reason not to let him see the baby as he probably wouldn't be able to let go again.

"Biwako-san said that she might bring him by in the morning, but Jiraiya is planning on taking you fairly early, so..." Tsunade couldn't go any further with her half-lie. She sighed again. "You're pretty attached to that baby, aren't you?"

Kakashi's cheeks flushed a little. "Well, I have been looking after him since he was born. I think he needs someone to be attached to him, as it can't be good for a kid to be all alone." He paused and turned his gaze away, out of the window.

Tsunade gaped at him. She felt a sudden urge to protect the kid, and could understand how Biwako-san and Jiraiya had become so attached to Kakashi. He was bewitchingly vulnerable and innocent, but seemed to possess wisdom far beyond his years. Dammit! She didn't want to get attached to anyone else. She had learned from bitter experience that attachment only brought pain and sorrow, and she didn't think she could withstand any more of those sorts of feelings.

She didn't know how Jiraiya handled it. No matter how many loved ones he lost he somehow managed to carry on with his life and find new people to care for. At least he was taking this kid away, so Tsunade wouldn't have the chance to get too fond of him. And she had her own plans to leave the Village pretty soon anyhow, so she would most likely be gone by the time Jiraiya returned. Now that the reconstruction of the Village was well underway after the Attack, and there were plenty of new medical shinobi enrolled in her new training programme to take up the roles of those who had been lost, Tsunade no longer saw the need for her to remain in Konoha. She planned to simply forget her troubles and travel aimlessly for a while, perhaps picking up a few useful bits of medical knowledge along the way. Or perhaps she would just let Shizune handle the research while she focused on drinking and gambling. After all, what was the point of taking an apprentice along if you didn't make use of them? That was one thing she had learned from Jiraiya, although she would never admit it. It was just that there would be nothing for poor Shizune to learn if Tsunade did all the work herself.

But looking at Kakashi now, Tsunade guessed it was probably already too late to avoid getting attached to this one. That was why she had to get away. She formed bonds with people too easily, and the only outcome would be pain for herself, she was certain of that. Especially with a kid like this one. That was the very reason she had taken Shizune on as her apprentice. She had become to attached to the little girl as she was her last remaining link to her lover Dan who she had failed to save, and she couldn't let the kid out of her sights. She had to protect her from harm personally or she would never be able to forgive anyone who let the kid get hurt.

"Kakashi-kun. You need to let go of Naruto. Biwako-san will take good care of him and you trust her, don't you? He won't be left alone not with her around. Besides, right now you're in no position to be looking after anyone. Take a leaf from Jiraiya's book and just go out there and have a little fun. Live a little."

She paused, thinking about what she had just said. "Well, don't literally take a leaf from that pervert's book. It's probably a good thing you can't read if you're travelling with him. I heard he got a book published, and knowing Jiraiya it's bound to be something filthy."

Kakashi was a little surprised, if the slight raising of his right eyebrow was any indication of his feelings. He didn't seem to be aware of Jiraiya's true nature.

"Actually, Tsunade-sama, Jiraiya-sama has already given me a copy of his book. He's promised to teach me to read, and in return I'm to be the first person to read the book."

There was a hint of mischief in Kakashi's voice, and Tsunade had to wonder if perhaps he wasn't quite as oblivious as he appeared to be.

"Tsk. That idiot!" she exclaimed. "You do know what that book's about, don't you? And I suppose you also realise that you're much too young to read that sort of thing?"

"Well, I know what the symbol on the back of the books means, and I've looked at the illustrations..." Kakashi trailed off as he got what was obviously the desired effect from Tsunade. SHe could feel her ears turning red, followed by the rest of her face. She couldn't punch Kakashi, so she willed herself to calm down and just take it out on Jiraiya the next time she saw him. She managed a smile.

"Well, don't let him corrupt you too much, kiddo." She ruffled his hair playfully before turning serious again. "I'm going to sedate you now as you really need to get some rest, and I can see you're not about to fall asleep on your own. You're much too lively."

A look of fear came over Kakashi's face for a moment.

"I don't think that's necessary Tsunade-sama. I'm sure I'll get to sleep just fine..."

"No." She cut him off sharply. "You'll only start trying to move around again if you can't get to sleep so you've got no say in this one I'm afraid, kid." She did feel a little bad for him as being drugged up was rarely a pleasant experience, but she couldn't take the risk with him.

He looked resigned though as he gave her a nod and she had to wonder just how many times before he had been in this position. His medical record hadn't come back from the archive yet, but Tsunade expected it would be thicker than the records of most adult shinobi in the Village.

She administered the sedative and gently lowered the bed back to a lying position, then on an impulse she bent over and kissed Kakashi lightly on the brow.

"I'm sorry kid. Sleep tight", she whispered.

It wasn't long before his eyelids fluttered closed and she knew he was out, but Tsunade still stood there, stroking the kid's hair for several minutes after that, lost in thought.

She couldn't let herself get attached to anyone else in this Village. She already had too many precious people just waiting to be added to the list of those she had lost. But as she gave his soft silver hair a final stroke Tsunade knew that Kakashi's name had already been added to that list, even without her consent.


	15. The Apprentice

Chapter 15 - The Apprentice

When Kakashi opened his right eye it was to the sight of the morning sun gently filtering in through the closed blinds of his hospital room. Although it was nowhere near as bad as it had been the previous day, the light still hurt his eye and he clamped it shut again immediately with a small involuntary cry.

Tsunade-sama was at his side in an instant, and she must have known what was wrong as virtually all the light in the room disappeared a moment later, and the red that Kakashi could see through his eyelids turned to a cool black. He sighed with relief.

"How do you feel today, Kakashi-kun?" she asked him softly, coming to sit by his bedside.

Funny, Kakashi thought, it didn't really sound like Tsunade-sama.

He dared to open his eye again just a crack to see who it was, and once his vision adjusted to the darkness he was intrigued to see a young girl not much older than himself looking back at him. She had long dark hair tied back in a ponytail. Kakashi was sure he recognised her, but couldn't remember her name. Could she perhaps be Tsunade-sama's apprentice, he wondered, blinking slowly at her.

"Hi, Kakashi-kun". She smiled shyly and gave him a funny little wave. "Erm, you probably can't see me in this light. I'm Shizune. Tsunade-sama is, um, not quite up and about yet, so I'm checking on her patients this morning".

The way she said 'not quite up and about' sounded about as sarcastic as it was possible to be, and Kakashi chuckled softly.

"It's nice to meet you, Shizune-san" he said a little timidly, feeling uncomfortable around someone his own age. Her being a girl didn't help either. Kakashi had always felt more at ease around those older than he was, as at least he knew how he was supposed to behave, He could just be respectful and polite, or professional depending on the situation. Being friendly didn't need to come into it. But she had amused him with her little snipe at Tsunade-sama, so he felt he owed her at least an attempt at 'friendly conversation'. Feeling supremely awkward Kakashi finally said "Does that mean that Tsunade-sama and Jiraiya-sama were out drinking all night?"

This seemed to have been a good choice of things to say, as Shizune laughed and said. "You guessed it!"

She paused and nervously hooked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Um, Kakashi-kun. We've met before. I don't know if you remember..." she trailed off when he didn't give any signs that he remembered.

The truth was, Kakashi didn't remember. Not really. He felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment as he tried to recall where and when they could have met. She wasn't totally unfamiliar, he could say that much.

"Well, um, I..." he paused "I'm sorry Shizune-san, I do recognise you, but I can't place where or when we may have met before. I'm sorry for my rudeness. I mean no disrespect to you." Kakashi slipped into the formal manner of speaking that he had first used long ago when addressing his father, and he would have bowed if he had not been lying down.

"Don't worry about it, Kakashi-kun!" the girl said quickly. Her tone was apologetic, and she waved her hands in front of her chest to dismiss the matter. "Now, I need to take a look at you before Jiraiya-sama gets here. If that's all right with you, of course?"

She seemed very hesitant, and she was acting as though she was almost afraid of him, Kakashi thought. It seemed rather strange, but then he had a thought.

Perhaps they had met 'Before', when he had been a rude, arrogant little bastard. He sighed, He hated the person he used to be, especially the way he had made people feel without even thinking about it. He had been so self-obsessed that he had been unbearable. Even in his own memory he could not stand himself as he was then. He didn't know how Minato-sensei and Rin had put up with him at all, and he felt he understood Obito's constant desire to punch him in his smug little face. If he could go back in time, Kakashi wouldn't have minded punching his old self hard in the face for being so stupid. and so blind. He shook his head in frustration, startling Shizune-san.

Damn! Kakashi hadn't meant to actually shake his head. It scared him a bit to realise how little control he had over his emotions at the moment. He felt he should say something to Shizune. He should try to explain that he wasn't like that any more, but he wasn't much good at putting his thoughts into words when it came to anything involving feelings.

Still, however awkward it might be he felt he had to at least give it a try.

"Um, Shizune-san?" he began nervously, waiting for her acknowledgement before going on.

She turned from where she was making a note of the various readings from the monitors onto a clipboard, a look of concern and apprehension on her face.

"What is it, Kakashi-kun?" she asked, sounding as nervous as he felt.

Kakashi swallowed heavily, trying to swallow his nerves and his ridiculous pride so that he could just explain himself to Shizune-san. He hesitated for only a second before deciding to just try to say it.

"Well, I can't help but notice that you seem a bit nervous around me, and I was wondering when we last met?" Kakashi breathed out slowly. He had started a conversation, so there was no going back now.

"It was about two and a half years ago, I think. Why?" Shizune-san regarded Kakashi curiously, and didn't seem quite as nervous.

"Two and a half years ago" Kakashi murmured. "That was 'Before'."

He had been at his worst around then, he thought. It wasn't long before the incident happened with Obito. He cringed at his own disgraceful attitude back then, and looked up to meet Shizune-san's gaze. She hadn't said anything, but was looking at him with greater interest, obviously waiting for an explanation of his rather cryptic statement.

"Shizune-san, I didn't have this eye then, did I?" Kakashi waved a hand at his left eye. He didn't really know how to explain but he wanted to try, so he had to start by confirming this.

"The Sharingan? No, you didn't ". As she spoke, Shizune-san stopped any attempt to look like she was filling in the cart and focused all of her attention on Kakashi's face. Her look was quite intense, and Kakashi felt even more nervous.

"Well, I was... I was not a nice person back then. What happened - how I got this eye - it changed me for the better. I was a..." Kakashi searched for the right word to best convey his old personality. "I was a complete bastard." He couldn't think of how else to describe himself. "I always put the mission first, and treated anyone who wasn't as skilled as I was as though they were only there to get in the way of me completing missions and being the perfect shinobi."

He paused and looked up at Shizune-san again, finding her intense black eyes still fixed on his face. Her expression had softened, and she was looking at him with greater interest. Kakashi found it hard to maintain eye contact with her, but he felt it was important that he didn't look away again as he continued.

"I'm sorry that I was rude to you the last time we met. but please don't feel apprehensive now. I'm not like that any more."

Kakashi looked down at his hands as soon as he had finished speaking, and watched them fiddle with the bedclothes, hoping that Shizune-san would understand, but unable to look at her any longer.

Then, to his great surprise, the last thing he would have expected happened. She hugged him.

"Kakashi-kun, it's all right. It's all in the past now. I accept your apology." Her voice was barely more than a whisper, and when she released him and straightened up, her eyes glistened a little.

As she raised the clipboard to finish her notes, she spoke quietly without looking up.

"I know what you've been through, and I think you're amazing. Tsunade-sama has only pushed people away since she lost everything and she has become cold. But you have opened yourself up and become kinder than before. I've lost people as well and I... It's hard." She trailed off and stopped speaking and tried to wipe away a tear without Kakashi noticing it.

She was wrong though, Kakashi thought. It was his first great loss in life which had made him become cold in the first place. It had taken more losses for him to realise how wrong he had been. He wanted to tell her about it. Somehow, he felt that she would understand, and he wanted to tell her things he had never told anyone else. The fact that he didn't really know her made it easier.

"Shizune-san", he began quietly. She didn't turn around, and Kakashi was glad of that. "I'm not amazing. I wasn't always cold like that. After... after my father... died", he paused uncertainly. He had never really spoken about any of this before and it was really hard. Putting it into words somehow made it that much more real, somehow and he wasn't prepared for the flood of emotions and memories he felt.

"After that, I became cold so I didn't make the same mistakes he had. I saw them as mistakes then, but Obito - this is his eye - " Kakashi swallowed harshly "he showed me my father was a hero. He showed me I was wrong, but I realised it too late and he was killed. I killed him..." Kakashi couldn't go on. He had said far too much already, and he was sure that Shizune-san understood.

Another voice broke into his thoughts. however.

"It wasn't your fault, Kakashi-kun".

It wasn Jiraiya-sama, with Tsunade-sama behind him, Shizune-san was trying to hide her tears from he Shishou, but Tsunade-sama looked pretty worse for wear, so she the chances were that probably wouldn't notice anyhow, he thought.

Then she spoke.

"You need to stop blaming yourself, Kakashi. And have you been making my apprentice cry?"

Kakashi was a little surprised. So much for her not noticing, but then she was one of the very best shinobi in all the Five Countries and she hadn't earned that title for nothing.

Tsunade-sama raised her voice just a little, and spoke gently but firmly to Shizune-san.

"Shizune! Stop sniffing and report!"

While Shizune-san made her report to Tsunade-sama Jiraiya-sama sat down on the edge of the bed and ruffled Kakashi's hair, speaking quietly.

"So, Kakashi-kun. You ready to get going on our little holiday then kid? I'm all set, and I've even packed you a bag and brought it along here as 's nothing much in your flat - or should I say 'room' - so I picked up a bunch of new things from the shops. No need to thank me, kid, you can pay me back later, when you're rich!"

Jiraiya-sama let loose his huge bellowing laugh, and Kakashi felt a little bit dizzy. Jiraiya-sama could be a bit too lively at times, although Kakashi had to admit he did usually know when to be serious.

"So kid, how do you feel?" Jiraiya-sama prompted him to speak.

"Oh, I... well, I'm OK" Kakashi responded, trying to sit himself up to show that he was indeed OK. "Will Biwako-san be coming today with Naruto, or will we stop in on the way out of the Village?" he asked Jiraiya-sama as he and Tsunade-sama gently raised him into a sitting position.

But he didn't get an answer straight away, as the moment he sat up Kakashi was overcome with nausea, and he gasped softly.

As the feeling slowly subsided his daily migraine started up and he squeezed his eyes tightly shut, unable to hide the pain. God! Why did he have to try and sit up! He had felt fine lying down, and wished he could go back to it. He just wanted to see Naruto again before they left.

* * *

_Note: Yo! This was meant to be longer, and I have at least 3 times this amount written already which I had intended to put up as one big chapter, but it's getting late and I really wanted to post something tonight, so I'm leaving it here for now. Unless I suddenly become really popular and get lots of invites to go out tomorrow night, you can expect the next part tomorrow. It will be longer than this!_

_"I will go beyond Hokage! Far and beyond!". _

_"Is that plaster...!"_


	16. Outburst

Chapter 16 - Outburst

Shizune saw Kakashi grimace and guessed immediately what was wrong. She wondered if her well-practiced headache cure - normally used to ease Tsunade-shishou's hangovers - might work here.  
She stepped forward.

"Shishou? May I try something?"

Her shishou nodded straight away. She was always encouraging Shizune to develop her own techniques and try out her own theories. That was what made her such a good medical ninja and a good Master. She wasn't arrogant, and did not think that her techniques were the be all and end all of the matter. She was always trying to help people, and this meant she was open to trying any methods to do so.

Shizune thanked her and stepped up beside Kakashi's head.

"Is it worse in any particular spot Kakashi-kun?" she asked him softly. He didn't respond immediately seemingly trying to bring the pain under control.

"Behind my left eye" he said, his voice completely calm.

Shizune nodded.  
With her master and Jiraiya-sama looking on, Shizune felt a bit pressured, but she forced herself to concentrate and put her hand to Kakashi's left temple, channelling her chakra carefully into his head to perform an internal scan.

What she found almost made her pull her hand back in shock. The Sharingan was trying to pull chakra from Kakashi's system at a horrifying rate. Shizune resumed scanning cautiously. The amount of chakra the eye was trying to draw in was far more than could be supplied by the chakra vessels in Kakashi's own optic nerve and visual cortex. 'Normal' eyes did not consume chakra, Shizune reasoned, so they only needed a minimal chakra network to supply them, which was absolutely fine and worked perfectly. A person who possessed a 'special' eye, like the Sharingan or Byakugan, would have an adapted chakra system, allowing the large amounts of chakra needed to activate a powerful kekkai genkai to flow through unimpeded when the eye called for it. As Kakashi-kun had a 'normal' chakra system and a 'special' eye that was always activated, the Sharingan was constantly trying to draw in more chakra than his system could get through to it. The visual cortex and optic nerve became a bottleneck, with vast amounts of Kakashi's chakra being diverted towards the eye, but not being able to actually get through to the eye itself to be expended.

A build-up of chakra that large caused a huge amount of pain, Shizune knew. Aside from her medical knowledge, she had once, in a spar with a Hyuuga, had one of her chakra points sealed momentarily, and the buildup behind it in the few seconds before he had unblocked it again had been truly agonising. As Kakashi's eye was never deactivated, Shizune surmised that it must always be trying to draw in this much chakra to itself, so Kakashi-kun must be in near-constant pain.

She winced slightly in sympathy as she quickly reached her rather depressing conclusion. There was nothing that could be done to fix it permanently, save a transplant of an entire Uchiha visual system, but SHizune was quite sure she could ease it momentarily, so she saw no reason not to try.

She focused her chakra along Kakashi's optic nerve, and used it to push the chakra build-up back into his system, away from the eye. Kakashi breathed a huge sigh of relief, but Shizune knew that she stopped what she was doing the buildup would return within minutes so she silently kept on pushing the chakra away, completely focused on her task.

"...Shizune? Shizune?"

Tsunade-shisou's voice broke through her haze of concentration. She had obviously been trying to get Shizune's attention for a while now.

"Yes Shishou?" she asked quietly, not stopping her work.

"Are you going to let us know what you've found out?" Tsunade-shisou looked curious, despite her hung-over state, and Jiraiya-sama was also looking at Shizune expectantly. The only person who didn't seem to care was Kakashi who had his right eye closed, and a look of pure bliss and relaxation on the small bit of his face she could see.

"It's obviously working, whatever you're doing" said Jiraiya-sama. "I wouldn't mind a little of that treatment myself, Shizune-chan" he said lecherously, nodding his head at Kakashi's expression without breaking eye-contact with Shizune.  
Tsunade-shishou looked mad.

"Jiraiya" was all she said, but her tone was warning enough. She didn't stand for people trying to hit on Shizune, especially not Jiraiya-sama, which Shizune was always glad of.

Shizune explained it all to her master, all the while keeping up the treatment. Tsunade-shishou looked thoughtful for a moment, then said  
"Well, you can't keep that up forever, Shizune. And if there really is no permanent fix for this I think it's best that you stop doing this sooner rather than later."

"But Shishou...!" Shizune started to protest but was cut off.

"Kakashi will have to live with the pain. I know it sounds cruel, Shizune, but it's better for him in the long run if he doesn't get used to being pain-free." Tsunade-shishou paused and looked from Shizune to Kakashi and back again. Shizune couldn't keep the sadness she felt from showing on her face; although she did try, she had never been able to fool her Shishou in the past. "I can't assign a medic to do this twentyfour-seven, as much as I would like to. And if Kakashi gets used to having this temporary relief it's only going to affect him more when the treatments end. There is no easy way to do this, Shizune-chan."

Shizune looked at the floor, unable to meet her Master's undoubtedly sympathetic gaze as she said this.

"I'm sorry, Kakashi", Tsunade-shishou continued. "I'm sure you understand this isn't a solution".

Shizune felt a small tear squeeze itself out of her eye at the thought of having to leave someone in constant pain when there was something she could do to relieve it, albeit temporarily. Of course she understood her Master's argument, but it was almost as hard to her as the decision to stop trying to resuscitate a patient, a choice Shizune always found infinitely difficult to make. She couldn't bear to see people suffer. It went against her personal ethical code.

She took a deep breath in to calm herself and to keep her emotions in check. She knew her Shishou was right.

"Kakashi-kun", she said softly to him, "I'm going to take my hand away now. I'll count down to it so it wont come as a shock to you. The pain shouldn't return for a few minutes, but it wont be long before it's as bad as it was again. I'm sorry, I really am. I'm sorry for giving you false hope". She couldn't look at him as she said this. He was just too adorable with that blissed-out look on his face, and he looked much younger than he was. Shizune knew he was fourteen, only two years younger than herself, but she felt incredibly protective of him, as though he were a much younger child.

She stole a look at his face just as he opened his eye to catch hers, and suddenly he looked so much older.

"Please don't apologise, Shizune-san. You've done your best. Please take your hand away whenever you are ready".

His voice was soft, and he sounded so tired, yet so calm and accepting of the situation that Shizune felt another tear trying to get out. It was always harder for her when a patient was like this than when they were making a fuss. And a surprising number of strong shinobi made a pretty big fuss about pain when they were in hospital, and would make constant demands for sympathy. A lot of shinobi though were like Kakashi, quietly enduring whatever pain they had to suffer through. The difference was that the vast majority recovered and were eventually free of pain once they were released. But Kakashi would have to endure this for as long as he lived - or rather, as long as he had the Sharingan. Shizune recalled his words to her before, and his heartfelt apology for the person he used to be. She could tell that Kakashi was a proud person, so to make that sort of apology must have taken a lot of guts.

She leaned in close and, gathering her confidence, whispered in his ear.

"You are amazing, Kakashi-kun. Stop doubting yourself".

He flushed darkly, and Shizune smiled and commenced a countdown from five to one before she removed her hand from his head. So that was that. She had failed. She hung her head a little bit and slumped just a fraction in defeat. But she could keep working on this, she thought, brightening and straightening up again. There might be a way to get that eye to deactivate like the Uchiha's did, and if there was a way, Shizune was determined to find it. For Kakashi-kun, this brave and gentle - and everso cute and mysterious - shinobi. Shizune felt herself blushing at her thoughts, but she wasn't just doing this because he was cute. It was her duty as a medic nin to take care of the well-being of Konoha's shinobi, and Kakashi-kun was one of the best and most productive ninja in the Village, so her efforts would be for the good of the Village.

* * *

Jiraiya watched Shizune with interest as she explained to Kakashi what she was about to do, and then bent to whisper something in the kid's ear that caused him to blush like a tomato. Then he observed her expression change from a look of defeat to one of fierce determination, and he guessed that she wasn't going to give up on trying to help Kakashi just yet. She had then glanced at the kid and blushed herself.

"Oh ho ho? What have we here then?" Jiraiya chuckled to himself. He was a master of the romance genre after all, being a published author, so he knew when a girl had a crush. And cute Shizune-chan sure seemed to have a crush on little Kakashi. It was too adorable! Kakashi was of course entirely oblivious to her attraction to him. He would have to do something to 'help out' in that regard. Kakashi was far too self-deprecating to ever think that a girl could be interested in him, and if he did know he probably wouldn't think he was worthy of her so would try to scare her off.

"Oh, I know you too well, Kakashi-kun!" Jiraiya thought, inwardly rubbing his hands together. Young love was always so awkward, and kids were always so unaware of each others' feelings. Jiraiya couldn't help his novelist's mind from running away with the idea, picturing the two of them finally being brought together in some incredibly romantic setting, such as the aftermath of an extremely bloody battle, where they would realise their love for each other as she tended his horrendous wounds. Perhaps not, but that might make a good scene in his next book. Maybe he would have to start on a sequel whilst on this holiday with Kakashi. The boy had already inspired a few ideas which would make a good story, so maybe he could secretly use him as the hero of the book. He would have to make him considerably older, of course, or most of the story would never get published, and he would have to look a lot more like Jiraiya, and Shizune would have to look a lot more like Tsunade...

He was distracted by Kakashi speaking.

"So, when is Biwako -san going to be bringing Naruto in?" Kakashi asked again. Jiraiya had forgotten he had even asked the question. He exchanged a look with Tsunade, not really wanting to tell the boy her decision, but as usual feeling it was best to go along with her opinion.

"Well, she may not be bringing him in after all. Tsunade - we - thought it would be best if we were able to take off without you saying goodbye as it might be easier on you, but now that you've asked..." he tailed off, feeling more than a bit guilty. He knew just how much that baby meant to the kid, and he also knew how rare it was for Kakashi to ask for anything, so he was inclined to give him anything he did ask for. If he had managed to overcome his unhealthy habit of unquestioningly following every order he was given, then it must be something that was truly important to him.

The reaction was a surprise to him, however.

Kakashi sat up violently in bed despite the pain he was in and glared at Jiraiya, then at Tsunade. He didn't say anything, but he growled a little bit in his throat - a strange, threatening sound - and his small fists clenched tightly. Jiraiya could almost sense the emotions building up inside the kid, and felt the killing intent that came from him, directed at Tsunade to his relief, growing stronger by the second.

"Easy there, Kakashi. I'll take you over there on the way out of the Village. There's no need to worry. You'll see Naruto before we leave." Jiraiya stepped forward as he spoke only to find himself facing one of the most frightening sights he had ever come across in all his years as a shinobi.

Kakashi turned turned to face him, his overwhelming intent to kill now directed fully at Jiraiya, making the great Sannin want to step back. The look in the kid's eyes and the whole set of his body reminded Jiraiya of a wild animal. The power the boy possessed was electrifying - literally, Jiraiya thought, unable to look away.

He could clearly see that in his weakened state, in pain and feeling that 'his' child was somehow under threat, Kakashi had lost control of himself. He could see a struggle going on within the boy, but he could see just as clearly that his rational side, which usually dominated, was losing badly to the power of his emotions.

From the corner of his eye, Jiraiya noticed Tsunade and Shizune looking at him expectantly, as though they thought he could do something about this.

Yes, he knew Kakashi better than they did, but barely. And he certainly had never seen him like this before, if indeed he had ever lost control like this before. As Jiraiya procrastinated, Kakashi's body began to glow, and small blue sparks leaped away from him as though he were electrically charged.

Without thinking, Jiraiya rushed forward and grabbed the kid's shoulders to shake him out of it. The instant his hands touched Kakashi he felt a violent surge as an electrical current flowed through them into hi body. He managed to draw his hands back, leaping away in shock and pain. Glancing down, Jiraiya saw that his hands, which had touched the boy for less than a second, were severely burned.

"Uuurgh!" he embarrassingly exclaimed in surprise. The pain really was quite intense.

Shizune rushed over, concern on her pretty face, to look at his hands, but Jiraiya waved her off, more worried about getting Kakashi to stop whatever it was he was doing before anyone else got hurt.

But as he turned back to the kid the blue electric glow faded away along with the fierce killing intent, and Kakashi was left sitting there, just a small, frail child. All his uncontrolled anger had disappeared, and now he looked purely afraid. His body trembled and both of his eyes were wide, staring unnervingly at Jiraiya.

Unable to help himself, Jiraiya sat down on the bed and, in spite of what had happened before, put his arms around Kakashi, pulling him close to his chest and stroking his hair soothingly with his burnt hand.

The boy looked so frightened and guilty - and Jiraiya knew he hadn't meant to electrocute him - that he couldn't stop himself. He was certain that the technique, whatever it was, had ended, but still both Tsunade and her apprentice yelled at him to stay clear.

He shot them both a warning look, holding Kakashi protectively against his body away from the eyes of the two women.

"Please, Tsunade, Shizune-chan, leave us" he said simply.

After a moment's hesitation Tsunade 'tsk'ed and nodded then turned to leave. Her young apprentice lingered.

"Um, Jiraiya-sama?" she asked timidly.

He looked up at her expectantly, pretty sure of what she was about to say. He had really expected Tsunade to have offered to heal him before she left. She would have done years ago.

"Let me heal your hands first. It wont take a minute". She looked at him with large dark eyes like a doe's and he couldn't say no to that. He smiled and beckoned the beautiful young woman over.

Kakashi wriggled himself free of Jiraiya's arms to allow Shizune access to his hands, and sat back, watching the process intently with both eyes open.

It didn't take Shizune long to finis, and she left as soon as it was done, accepting Jiraiya's thanks with a nod. He looked at the newly-healed skin. It tingled slightly. He really didn't know what to say to Kakashi now, but he had to somehow find out what he had just done and reassure him at the same time. This poor kid had no luck at all really. Somehow he had managed to stop the electric jutsu before it had completely drained his chakra again, as he was still awake and upright, so it must be something he had at least some level of conscious control over.

"I'm sorry Jiraiya-sama" came a very small, soft voice from beside him. Turning, Jiraiya looked the kid in the eyes.

"It's all right Kakashi. It doesn't matter..." but he was interrupted.

"No. It's not all right Jiraiya-sama. You have shown me nothing but kindness and I have done something dreadful in return. Konoha shinobi do not hurt their comrades. Ever. This is not excusable. I should be severely punished for this".

The kid's eyes, although bright with confused tears, were determined and adamant. Jiraiya couldn't bear it.

"Kakashi stop it! You lost control of yourself for a moment. I knew it was dangerous but I still touched you. You are not to blame for me getting hurt. And I'm healed now anyway". Jiraiya couldn't keep the frustration out of his voice. Self-blame was not a quality he favoured, and it was always destructive, If he was being harsh it was for the kid's own benefit after all. But to mitigate his admonishment of the child, Jiraiya pulled Kakashi into a fierce hug, crushing him against himself and wishing he could protect him from everything.

Whatever had just happened had stemmed from Kakashi's ferocious love for Naruto. Jiraiya couldn't say he really understood the strength of the connection between Kakashi and the baby, but he hadn't suspected it could be so strong as to provoke that sort of a physical outburst. It had all gone way too far. Sarutobi should never have forced that baby onto such a sensitive young child. Kakashi hid it well, but he seemed to feel things very intensely. He picked up on the emotions of others as well, and it just made it even more difficult for him.

Jiraiya felt the kid tremble against him, and stroked his back, trying to calm him down. It didn't take long to realise that the boy wasn't actually crying but that the trembling was an after effect of the strange jutsu the kid had used. This made him hold Kakashi closer, feeling helpless, longing to ease the kid's suffering. Well, soon enough they would be on their way. He hope it would still be that day, but was beginning to wonder as Kakashi's shaking showed no signs of letting up. This kid wouldn't remember he had ever been unhappy once Jiraiya had shown him around a few of his favourite spots...

He should probably get Tsunade to have a look at him, Jiraiya thought, laying Kakashi down and taking out a reel of chakra twine.

"Better safe than sorry ay kid" he murmured as he bound the kid's wrists and ankles to the bed, careful to tie it tightly enough to prevent his escape but not so tightly that it would hurt him.

The boy still shook as Jiraiya left the room.

Not allowing Kakashi to see Naruto before leaving was simply unfair, he thought, given how much he obviously adored the baby. He knew Tsunade's thoughts on the matter, but perhaps he should listen to his own heart next time instead of deferring to her. She was a medic after all and not a psychiatrist, not that Jiraiya had ever put much stock in that profession anyway. He decided to do what he thought was right, and take Kakashi to see Naruto on the way out no matter what Tsunade thought of it. She would hit him anyway whatever he did, so an additional whack would make no difference. Jiraiya chuckled to himself thinking of his fiery teammate. Perhaps going against her would make no difference to the punishment he might receive next time he saw her, but it might have an impact on his romantic chances with her. And just as he felt he was getting that little bit closer to finally winning her heart. Oh well. He would just have to take one for the team. Kakashi would have to owe him.

* * *

_Note:_

**_Coming your way soon: Jiraiya-sama's Super Amazing Big Adventure finally begins! Do not fear, Dear Readers. Jiraiya-sama and Kakashi-kun will be setting out on their most Youthful Holiday in the next installment. What will my Eternal Rival get up to? Where will the Spirit of Youthful Adventure take them? Will there be women involved? What is beyond Hokage? Will the Great Pervert Jiraiya-sama corrupt my Eternal Rival's Youthful Mind? These Mysteries and Others will be solved very soon!_**

**_Thank you for reading, Most Youthful People. I have been Maito Gai, Konoha's Beautiful Blue Beast, and I will work hard to surpass my Eternal Rival! Youth Full Power!_**

**_*Ubiquitous Nice Guy Pose*_**

_Note #2:_

_To avoid confusion, the above announcement doesn't mean that Gai will necessarily show up in the next chapter... although he might turn up sometime... who can say._

_Sometimes (usually when I eat sweets or drink coffee) Gai just gets inside my head and takes over for a few minutes of blinding enthusiasm, until I am drained of Gai-energy and have to stop._


	17. The Next Step: Leaving the Village

Chapter 17: The Next Step: Leaving the Village

Kakashi adjusted his large pack into a more comfortable position on his shoulders and tightened the waist strap as he walked alongside Jiraiya-sama. He had initially wondered why they did not take to the tree branches as was the normal method of travel for shinobi, but when he had asked Jiraiya-sama he had been informed that they were on holiday, so they should use the road.

Kakashi had never been on holiday before, so he had pretty much accepted that explanation and hadn't been going to ask why, but Jiraiya-sama had gone on to elaborate anyhow. He had explained that this trip was intended as a break from the whole business of being shinobi, hence their civilian clothing, lack of overt weaponry and headbands, and the use of civilian travel methods.

Kakashi was finding the travel part of it downright frustrating, and he suspected that it might be at least in part a ploy to prevent him from over-exerting himself. He hadn't had to travel this way since he and Minato-sensei had posed as father and son for a mission three or four years ago, before they had been assigned the rest of their team, and he had found it frustrating then, although he had understood the purpose behind it.

This time there was no purpose as this wasn't a mission. Surely if it was a holiday they could do whatever they liked? Jiraiya-sama had laughed at Kakashi for saying this, but had said he was essentially right, only if they went around advertising their profession they would probably either be roped into taking on unofficial missions or would come under attack. Probably both. And that wouldn't make for a very relaxing holiday.

Kakashi looked down at the clothing Jiraiya-sama had bought for him. It wasn't too embarrassing, but he couldn't get used to not having at least his kunai holster and weapons pouch strapped on. He was just about getting used to the fact that the wrappings he usually wore around his legs were missing. He had worn them since he was three or four years old, even when in the Village. Putting them on had become a part of his morning routine, so it felt strange to feel his trousers flapping around his ankles as he walked. The only time he didn't wear the wrappings was at memorial services. Those unhappy occasions were the only times he could remember having his trousers flapping around his legs like this and the sensation reminded him all too vividly of all the people he had helped to mourn at such ceremonies.

Kakashi could feel that Jiraiya-sama was looking at him, so he looked up to see a concerned look on the kind man's big face.

"What's up, Kakashi-kun?" Jiraiya-sama asked. "You look a little bit down."

Kakashi sighed. Why must this man be so good at reading his emotions? Was he really displaying every thought on his face that blatantly or was Jiraiya-sama just very good at figuring out what he was thinking? He thought it was best to answer truthfully, given the nature of the holiday and the spirit of openness that he had decided he would enter into.

"These trousers remind me of being at a memorial service" he said quietly. Jiraiya-sama stared at him for a moment, then to Kakashi's surprise he snorted out a laugh.

"What! Are you insane?" he said between bouts of laughter.

Kakashi wasn't sure what Jiraiya-sama found so funny about that statement, but he knew that no offence was intended, so didn't say anything else. He didn't really have the energy to. Jiraiya-sama was already wearing him out and they'd only been travelling for two hours.

"Kakashi. I understand what you mean. I just find it strange that you have spent your entire life dressed as a ninja, and that you have never worn civilian clothing." Jiraiya-sama was looking at him quite sadly now it seemed, and Kakashi really wasn't in the mood for sympathy. He just wanted to be left alone with his thoughts for a bit. He felt incredibly tired and Jiraiya-sama's frequent probing to try to get something out of him was wearing him down.

Kakashi tried to explain. "That's not quite it, Jiraiya-sama. I have worn civilian clothing before on missions. I have worn shorts or a kimono several times, but I have only ever worn trousers without wrappings at a memorial. Except for that one time I changed clothes with that ANBU the other day". Kakashi suddenly remembered that time, although it had only been for about half an hour and he hadn't really noticed the trousers as he had been too distracted by the horrible smell of the mask.

"So you don't like your outfit then, Kakashi-kun?" JIraiya-sama asked in a mock-sincere voice, smiling too sweetly. "Perhaps I should have found you something more interesting?"

Kakashi didn't really want to know what that could mean, so he didn't ask but instead answered the question as though Jiraiya-sama asked him it seriously.

"I don't dislike it, Jiraiya-sama. I am just not used to it yet. For a start, I miss having weapons to hand."

As he said this, Kakashi's hand reached unconsciously over his shoulder for the place the hilt of his sword should have been, but when he didn't find it there he waved his hand about a bit then looked at it, acutely aware of the fact that his gloves and long arm guards were also missing.

Jiraiya had selected a brown outfit for Kakashi to wear. And it was very very brown. The trousers were a light sandy brown, the shirt was a much darker shade of brown like the bark of the black pine tree, and the jacket, which Kakashi was not currently wearing, was a sort of in-between shade of muddy brown.

Kakashi didn't really like brown as a clothing colour, and never usually wore it. He would never say it out loud, but he thought that brown looked simply awful with his hair. He wouldn't consider himself vain, but when so many other colours were readily available, such as black, grey and navy blue, why on earth would he choose to wear the one colour that would look the most terrible with his odd-coloured hair?

Once again, Kakashi felt Jiraiya-sama's eyes on him, and looked up to see a huge grin on the Sannin's face.

"You look so annoyed! I know you hate brown. Don't worry. We'll be arriving at Akamatsu in a couple of hours and we can alter our appearances before we leave there. Then I'm sure that once we're done you'll find that brown really is you colour!" Jiraiya-sama laughed again, as Kakashi realised what he meant. But how on earth did he know why Kakashi disliked brown clothes?

"Oh no, Jiraiya-sama. I am not dying my hair." He really didn't want to, although he knew that both of them together probably did stand out a little bit too much with their natural hair colours, especially if they were going to pretend to be civilians.

"Ha ha! Yes you are, and so am I. And I want no arguments. If I am prepared to taint my marvellous flowing pure white mane with some common colour then I expect you to do the same. It's not as though yours is even white anyway. I don't know why your father was called the White Fang with that sort of colour. I was going to pass you off as my kid, but with that hair I don't think I could anyway. It's more grey than white." Jiraiya had a very mischievous look on his face, and Kakashi couldn't help but smile. He still tensed up at any mention of his father, but he knew he had to deal with it, and besides his hair was definitely not grey!

"My hair is silver, Jiraiya-sama. And I will dye it if I have to. Anyway, if I didn't know that you needed to keep that stupid hairstyle for your jutsu I would cut it off right now. You have far too much hair for an old man."

Jiraiya-sama burst into even more riotous laughter at this, and Kakashi pouted for a minute but then gave up. He really wished he had his weapons pouch with him so he could sling a shuriken into Jiraiya-sama's big open mouth. He was far more annoying than Minato-sensei had been at his most bombastic, and perhaps worse than even Obito had been. And they were only halfway through the first afternoon.

* * *

As they trudged on through the afternoon and into the early evening Jiraiya noticed Kakashi becoming ever quieter and beginning to drag his feet a little as he walked. The kid was quite clearly exhausted after just three and a half hours of walking. Jiraiya had tried to make jokes and cheer him up at first, but a couple of hours in he stopped it, noticing that Kakashi couldn't even be bothered to pout and act irritated any more. He was obviously too tired for that sort of banter, and he hadn't joined in at all the many times Jiraiya had burst out laughing. He had been hoping he could get Kakashi to laugh like he had done back in Sarutobi-sensei's living room, but he realised now that it wasn't going to be that easy. Kakashi seemed to be more closed-off than ever. The only thing the kid had said that revealed anything at all about his feelings was his rather strange comment about how the trousers reminded him of attending funerals. Even a slightly insensitive dig at his father's hair hadn't raised much of a reaction from the boy. Jiraiya wondered if Kakashi perhaps saw through all of his bluster and realised that it was merely an attempt to coax him out of his shell. He didn't really have to wonder though. Jiraiya was pretty certain that Kakashi was at least half a step ahead of him most of the time. He was too shrewd and subtle for his own good really. It was incredibly frustrating.

At least they were almost at Akamatsu, which would be their first stopover where Jiraiya planned to stay for a few days. It was only about twenty miles from Konoha, and it was a place that Jiraiya visited often. It would normally take him about forty minutes to get there at a moderate run, but he had decided to take it slow this time for Kakashi's benefit.

He was really looking forward to staying for a few nights in Akamatsu. It was a small town that had grown up around a hot spring, where the local economy was pretty much based on providing pleasure to those travelling to and from Konoha. Jiraiya had already made reservations at the ryokan there, and was looking forward to kicking back with a nice bottle of warm sake and an excellent meal. And if there just happened to be several very pretty girls who served there that would just be an added bonus. He had to be careful with his peeking though, as he didn't want to get banned from somewhere so conveniently close to Konoha. Maybe he could persuade Kakashi to do some peeking with that Sharingan of his, and then show it back to him afterwards. He was pretty sure the eye could do that. If he could only get Kakashi to loosen up this had the potential to be an amazing trip. No one would suspect that innocent-looking kid of peeking at girls in the onsen. He chuckled inwardly.

But Jiraiya knew he was getting ahead of himself. How on earth was he going to get the kid to open up to him in the first place? Perhaps some reading lessons might be in order first off to gain his trust a little more, and to give Jiraiya a bargaining chip when asking for favours... Or he could just ply him with sake and leave him in a room full of beautiful women like he had done with Minato when he was sixteen. That had worked pretty well. Although Minato hadn't been repressed and stuffy in the first place like Kakashi was. And Kakashi was only fourteen.

Well, it could still work, and what did his age really matter anyway, Jiraiya thought glancing at the silent boy walking determinedly beside him. He was considered old enough to kill in cold blood, and had been given the responsibility of looking after teams of shinobi not to mention a baby, so what harm would a few drinks and a few women really do?

Jiraiya glanced at Kakashi again. He was definitely struggling now. There was probably only another two to three miles to go, which would take about half and hour if they kept up their current pace, but looking at Kakashi, Jiraiya wasn't sure he would be able to keep going. He looked as though he was almost asleep as he walked, and his feet kept on stumbling over ruts in the path. Jiraiya made up his mind. He intended to stay in Akamatsu as Himself - the Sannin Jiraiya - anyhow, and he frequented the place a little bit too often to be able to disguise himself by simply dying his hair, so it didn't really matter how they arrived there.

Without any warning, he bent and grabbed Kakashi, threw him over his shoulder in a fireman's lift and raced off down the road.  
Kakashi squirmed a bit at first and kept asking what was going on, but Jiraiya didn't respond and he soon quietened down.

They reached the town in about five minutes flat, and JIraiya didn't pause at the gate but plowed straight on to their ryokan, where he planned to dump the kid and let him sleep a bit while he headed out for some sake, then maybe he would pick Kakashi up later on for some dinner.

The woman at the reception was looking as lovely as they ever did, and of course Jiraiya told her as much, enjoying watching her blush and giggle behind her hand.

"And who's this you have with you, Jiraiya-sama?" she asked, pointing at Kakashi, still slung over the Sannin's shoulder.

"Oh this?" Jiraiya went to put Kakashi on his feet, but realised he was asleep, so set him carefully in a chair instead. "This is my young apprentice. He's quite worn out really. He's not been well so I've brought him away for a bit of rest and relaxation. At my own expense, of course". He smiled luridly at the young woman, who's name he couldn't remember, and he was infinitely pleased at the sympathetic look she gave Kakashi.

"Oh Jiraiya-sama, that is so kind-hearted of you. Isn't he adorable? He looks a bit like you. There's not something you're not telling me now is there, Jiraiya-kun? He's not your son is he, by any chance?" She fluttered her long eyelashes at him, bending over a little as she spoke to 'accidentally' reveal just the right amount of cleavage. Jiraiya knew all the tricks, and he also knew that they all worked on him. Jiraiya couldn't resist the charms of a beautiful young woman, even when he knew she was trained in the arts of seduction. And he knew how to play too, of course,. And he knew that she knew he was playing, just like she knew that he knew she was playing. And what a game it was.

Jiraiya went along with the little scheme she had planted, and scratched at the back of his neck nervously.

"Well, you might have just caught me out there, erm..." he waited, knowing she would supply her name if he paused. They always did.

"Sayuri" she said, true to form.

"Yes, you've caught me out, Sayuri-chan. You guessed it. He's my son. His mother sadly died in childbirth so..." Jiraiya let it tail off there, He didn't feel entirely comfortable with telling any lies beyond Kakashi being his son. His mother had actually died in childbirth, so he could get away with that one. All the same, Jiraiya didn't feel it was right to exploit Kakashi like this. The kid was intensely private and wouldn't want the details of his life revealed to just anyone. This was completely different to the stories he and Minato-kun had made up together to tell the women. Minato had never been asleep and exhausted when they were told either. Perhaps this should wait. For perhaps the first time in his life, Jiraiya felt that something else came before his pursuit of an attractive young woman. Besides, it wouldn't exactly do him any favours with Sayuri-chan if he just abandoned his sick 'son' on a chair in the hotel's reception area wile he when out and got rat-arsed.

"I ought to really be getting him to bed, and then we'll probably be wanting some dinner at around nine if that would not be too much trouble, Sayuri-chan". Jiraiya smiled his most fatherly smile at the young lady, who agreed to everything and showed Jiraiya to his room, waiting politely with a smile as he picked Kakashi up with great tenderness.

While the smiles he gave to Sayuri were fake, the tenderness he felt towards Kakashi was all too real. Geez, if even a beautiful woman couldn't pry him away from this kid it must be bad. Jiraiya chuckled. He would pay the kid back for this and then some. After all, kakashi had promised that he would read his book.

Placing Kakashi gently on one of the two single beds in the room, Jiraiya set about unpacking some of his things to find his writing materials. He had decided against going to the onsen by himself for now, and thought he would wait until Kakashi woke up. He could probably do with a soak as well, and there was really no sense in bathing twice.


	18. The Next Step: At the Hot Springs Resort

Chapter 18 - The Next Step: At the Hot Springs Resort

The soft comforting sound of a pen scratching on paper was the first thing Kakashi heard as he slowly emerged from sleep. He hadn't had any nightmares, he realised, and he smiled a little bit. He felt unusually refreshed, and opened his eyes instinctively to take in the bright sunlight he could feel warming his face. The light was bright, and Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut again as quickly as he could to try to minimise the headache he knew was coming. But although there was a dull ache in his head, it wasn't as acute a it normally was, and he realised that Obito's eye was covered with something thick enough to block out all light. He didn't move, but guessed from the feel of something being wrapped around his head that it was bandages. Jiraiya-sama must have wrapped the eye securely so that it wouldn't become exposed at any point while he slept, as the sash he had recently started wearing to cover the eye would often slip off during the night, leaving the eye unprotected against the morning light. Kakashi just couldn't get used to only opening one eye in the mornings. He supposed that in time he might learn to do that, but at the moment his mind was never clear enough as he came out of sleep to remember until it was too late, and the insufferable migraine had started, and it was still a natural reaction for him to open both eyes when he woke up.

Re-opening his own eye gingerly, Kakashi realised that the sun was low in the sky indicating that it was evening, and he wondered whether it was the evening of the day they had arrived in Akamatsu or late on the day following that. He very much doubted he would have slept for more than twenty four hours straight through. Perhaps he would ask Jiraiya-sama in a bit. For some reason, Kakashi wasn't all that keen to let on that he was awake. It felt so peaceful, with the waning sun streaming in through the window, warming his skin and making him feel incredibly relaxed, and the steady, gentle sound of Jiraiya-sama's pen soothing his mind with it's sheer normality.

Kakashi wondered how Naruto was doing. He hadn't been able to shake off the feeling of panic when he thought of the baby. He tried to imagine what Naruto would be doing at around this time, and although it wasn't difficult to picture - sleeping, being fed, changed or bathed, perhaps crying or being played with - he couldn't picture it for long as it just hurt too much. With each day that passed, Naruto would grow a little more, and would grow attached to Biwako-san, forgetting Kakashi completely. When he managed to look beneath his almost overwhelming emotions, Kakashi knew this was probably best for Naruto. He had very little to give to a child besides love and shinobi skills, but he had made up his mind to care for Minato-sensei's child to the best of his abilities so as to uphold his promise. It wasn't easy for him to let go of that drive now.

Looking at Jiraiya-sama's large back as he sat at a desk by the window writing vigorously, Kakashi felt guilty and ashamed at his strange outburst in the hospital.

He had just felt so utterly exhausted that he had no control over his emotion any more. As a person who normally kept his feelings very close to his chest, Kakashi had never known what to do on the few occasions he had lost that control a little bit. But he had never before experienced such a complete loss of control as that one, and it had absolutely terrified him.

To think that he had some sort of power inside of him - that his chakra could be moulded and manipulated like that without him meaning to do it - scared him dreadfully.

Kakashi really wanted an explanation, but Jiraiya-sama had told him he would find out soon enough, probably, when Tsunade-sama had finished running some tests.

Kakashi didn't expect the tests to reveal much. He knew that the only way to really investigate what had gone on that day was to somehow recreate that outburst and have someone monitor it. He wondered whether he might be able to recreate that jutsu deliberately. It hadn't required any hand signs, and had caused fairly severe burns to Jiraiya-sama... Kakashi cringed in guilt at the memory.

If he could reproduce that technique at will it could be very useful indeed. Repressing a shudder, Kakashi recalled several times he had been captured by an enemy shinobi much larger and stronger than himself, and had been powerless to escape without assistance. If he could activate what was in effect a full-body version of his chidori, albeit a fairly mild version, without needing to use his hands, the shock would give him enough of an opening to get away, and he wouldn't have to rely on his comrades for help.

It could be especially critical to the success of solo missions, where being captured often meant the end of the line.

He would have to work on it with Jiraiya-sama, perhaps. If je would agree to help out, of course.

Techniques had always fascinated Kakashi, and the manipulation of chakra had come naturally to him along with decent chakra control. He had begun to learn as many techniques as he could at a very young age. Thinking about the intricacies of a technique could keep his mind from wandering onto unwanted topics for hours at a time. It wasn't a coincidence that Kakashi's already impressive repertoire of jutsu had increased in number at lest eight-fold following what had happened with his father. He could see that now, looking back, but at the time he had been so obsessed with the rules he had convinced himself that he had no other reason for training so hard other than to increase his worth as a shinobi. A shinobi should know as many techniques as is usefully possible, he had told himself, needing to justify to himself the time spent with books and scroll, trying to decipher the jutsu as best he could from the inadequate diagrams and the few characters he could read. He also needed some way to excuse the often extensive chakra burns on his hands and body whenever his Sensei had noticed them.

Perhaps this time he would just let Jiraiya-sama know that he was interested in jutsu for their own sake, and for the challenge they afforded him in learning them. This was supposed to be a holiday, so if Kakashi told Jiraiya-sama that he enjoyed learning techniques maybe he'd be more prepared to help out. Of course, it was only partly true. Kakashi wasn't a training nut by any means, and his eagerness to learn was still based around his overriding desire to become stronger; to become the best shinobi he could be.

Without warning, Jiraiya-sama's deep voice suddenly broke through Kakashi's reverie.

"Good morning Kid", came the cheery voice. "Or should I say good evening?" He chuckled a little bit.

Kakashi tried to smile but failed, too busy trying to disguise his shock to put much effort into it. Smiling was still something he had to think about a little.

Jiraiya-sama only laughed more loudly. Kakashi ignored him.

"Jiraiya-sama, what day is it?" he asked, deliberately keeping the shock from coming through in his voice to try to redeem himself a little bit in front of the Sannin. He hadn't realised he had given away the fact that he was even awake - he had been maintaining the impression of sleep since he had woken up. At first it had been a matter of habit, but once he had realised he was in a safe environment he had decided to keep it up as it was so peaceful, he fancied a little bit of time just to rest and absorb the quiet atmosphere.

"It's two days after we set of from Konoha, Kakashi", Jiraiya-sama replied.

Kakashi was shocked again. He could feel his eye widening, and his time he didn't try to disguise it.

"Two days?" he exclaimed in disbelief.

"Yup. You've been asleep for a full forty-eight hours. That's pretty impressive kid".

Thee was no way he could have slept that long, surely, Kakashi thought. The trip must have tired him out far more than he had realised.

"So when do we move on from here, Jiraiya-sama? I do hope that haven't held you up".

"Don't be silly. This is a holiday not a mission, we can do whatever we like. We can stay here for a couple more nights, or a week, or a year if you like. We've not got anywhere to be."

Kakashi had been about to protest, but he couldn't think of any reason why they would have to be anywhere by a particular date.

"But Jiraiya-sama, when are we due back in Konoha? Sandaime-sama must have given us a time limit for this?"

Jiraiya-sama laughed heartily again. Kakashi was already getting a bit sick of that laugh, but he knew it was often employed to cover up something more serious. It was a nervous habit of Jiraiya-sama's.

"For someone who's starting to get a reputation for always being late, you sure do seem concerned about time-keeping. We can stay as long as we need to, provided I send bi-weekly updates on our approximate location and progress to the Old Man it's fine. Don't worry about it."

"And what progress is that, Jiraiya-sama?" Kakashi asked, curious as to whether this had to do with his learning to read, or his physical recovery, or, more likely, his recovery from the stress he had been under.

Jiraiya-sama paused before answering, and Kakashi guessed he was right.

"Well, everything really. Our progress with your reading and writing and how well you're doing with everything. We need you back in full operational condition before we head back, Kakashi, Hokage's orders, so we're staying away as long as it takes. Plus I need to finish my next book or the publishers will be on my back..." He trailed off, sounding slightly huffy.

"Is that what you're working on now, Jiraiya-sama?" Kakashi asked, sitting up in bed.

"Ha ha ha no! This is something for you, Kakashi. I'm writing something to help me teach you to read. I just hope you like it!" Jiraiya-sama turned around to look at Kakashi for the first time during their conversation. He had a big smile on his face, and Kakashi felt an inexplicable warmth within his chest. It started small but spread rapidly making him feel content and almost happy. He smiled then, a real smile that he just couldn't suppress. To know that Jiraiya-sama would do something like that just for him was the most wonderful feeling.

Jiraiya-sama grinned back at him even more brightly and got up from his seat.

"Kakashi, do you fancy coming out for some evening breakfast?" he asked, but the simple question seemed to Kakashi to mean so much more, as the man's big hand came down to gently ruffle his hair.

It was a promise of something Kakashi couldn't put his finger on, but he knew that he wanted it.

"Yes please". He would absolutely love to get some breakfast.

* * *

Kakashi had been sleeping for such a long time that Jiraiya had almost made up his mind to leave him be and go to the public hot spring. The room had a private bath attached, but bathing wasn't the primary reason Jiraiya wanted to go tho the spring. He chuckled a bit in anticipation. He didn't just like this resort because it was the closest to Konoha. He loved this place because the baths were mixed! He couldn't wait to get over there. Of course there could be no lewd behaviour; he would have to sit at the side and just observe discreetly. This place was so valuable as a 'research centre' that he couldn't afford to chuck it away for the sake of trying it on with a beautiful young lady. Although it did depend just how beautiful that young lady was...

Jiraiya wiped at his mouth, which was watering at the idea, and grinned. He would have to wait for the kid to wake up, but the waiting only made the event itself that much sweeter.

He went back to his writing, and was at it for perhaps another hour when he felt a disturbance in the natural energy in the room. It could only mean that Kakashi was awake. If it hadn't been for his sage training, Jiraiya wouldn't have known the kid was awake, and indeed after the initial change in energy, it settled back down, and Jiraiya knew that the kid was controlling it.

He decided to wait for Kakashi to move before speaking to him - the kid was probably just enjoying the relaxing atmosphere.

He carried on writing, smiling as he imagined Kakashi reading this. The kid was very bright, so Jiraiya thought he'd probably have no trouble with learning to read, and would be onto this in a few days if everything went to plan.

Although they were behind schedule, this was a holiday, and Jiraiya planned to teach the kid how to read - at least enough that he could read the story he was currently writing - before they left Akamatsu, however long that might take. Well, up to a point. There were other places he wanted to show Kakashi, so he didn't really want to stay more than a week in total in Akamatsu. Besides, staying in his usual suite at the ryokan was certainly not cheap. The Village would pay up to a certain amount in expenses, but no where near as much as he was spending.

Ah, if only Kakashi was rich like Minato had been. Minato had quite the inheritance from his parents, and he'd withdrawn a portion of it to take with him, excited about all the exotic foods he was going to be able to try in each town they stopped at. The kid had been so cute, and had just given his bulging frog purse to Jiraiya when he'd asked, and seemed quite happy with the money he'd been allotted for the day. But his face when he discovered Jiraiya had spent almost all of it on women and sake in a single day...!That was simply priceless!

But Kakashi didn't have any money, and even if he did, Jiraiya wouldn't have taken it from the kid after everything he'd been through. The whole thing had been a lesson for Minato, and Jiraiya had secretly paid the amount he'd spent back into the boy's bank account when they got back to Konoha. It had been a lesson to him not to covet money. Minato had always had enough money to buy what he wanted when he wanted, and Jiraiya wanted him to learn that you couldn't always do that in life. It had been a harsh lesson, and one he wasn't sure Minato had ever really appreciated, but Jiraiya didn't regret it.

Now Kakashi had already had to spend every penny he had looking after Minato's child, so he well knew the value of money, and what it was like to have nothing.

A small movement from the bed let Jiraiya know it was time to get the kid up. It was definitely time for something to eat, at any rate.

As he ruffled Kakashi's hair, Jiraiya studied his face. He still looked dreadfully tired. The trouble with chakra exhaustion was that you couldn't fight it off simply by sleeping. You had to eat as well - and eat a hell of a lot! Jiraiya himself had never run out of chakra but Tsunade had during the war when casualties kept pouring in and she just kept healing with no thought for herself. He recalled her stuffing her face for almost an entire day once she'd woken up from the initial period of unconsciousness. It had been pretty funny to watch, and at the same time Jiraiya had never found her more beautiful than that when she had been shovelling rice into her mouth that day.

"Come on kid, take a quick dip and get dressed, and I'll show you the town."

* * *

"So, what do you fancy to eat then kid?" Jiraiya asked as he and Kakashi strolled down the main street in Akamatsu. The place was packed with restaurants, bars and food stands, so there was no shortage of choice.

Kakashi was looking around seeming a little bit uneasy it all. It wasn't a festival, but there were a lot of people around, and the crowds seemed to spook him. To his credit, he smiled up at Jiraiya and tried to look like an average kid. Although they weren't pretending to be civilians here, Jiraiya had thought it best if Kakashi get a little practice in before they assumed their father-son act when they moved on to the next town.

"I think I'd just like whatever you're having, Jiraiya-sama" he said, and Jiraiya sighed.

"Kakashi, I asked you what you would like. We can get just about anything here. There's food from all of the Five Ninja Countries, and there's even western food as well" he gestured towards a brightly-lit restaurant whose entrance was shaped like a pair of golden arches "like burgers and stuff. Now what do you really fancy to eat, huh?"

Kakashi looked at the restaurant Jiraiya was pointing at with great suspicion, then looked around at the neighbouring food outlets as they walked. Several minutes later, he responded quietly.

"Jiraiya-sama? I think I would like miso soup with aubergine and some plain rice."

Jiraiya stopped dead in his tracks and almost choked on nothing at all. What a stupid thing to ask for!

He turned to face Kakashi and bent to look him in the face, hands on hips, blocking the flow of people walking along the street.

"Are you serious?" he half yelled, half squeaked.

People were staring at them now, and while Kakashi glanced around uncomfortably, Jiraiya didn't care.

"You have your pick of the finest in worldwide cuisine and you choose something as stupid as miso soup? Plain rice? Aubergine? I don't know anyone who even likes aubergine, let alone chooses to eat it! That sounds like something they would serve you in prison! Pick something else. I'm not buying you that. People will think I'm trying to punish you or something!"

Kakashi looked away from Jiraiya. He looked rather ashamed, and Jiraiya felt bad for a second. But they were on holiday after all. He couldn't have the kid eating bland stuff like that on holiday damn it!

It was Jiraiya's job to show Kakashi the world, and teach him about life outside of being a shinobi, so he supposed he would just have to show him the joys of food as well.

"Ok, Kakashi. I'm going to pick somewhere, and I'll choose some interesting things for you. You're going to try everything this town has to offer, like it or not. Besides, you need to eat as much as you possibly can to regain your strength. Come on!"

Before Kakashi could protest, Jiraiya grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards a colourful restaurant with cacti and sombreros outside. If Kakashi wanted rice he would get rice - Mexican style!

* * *

_Note: I can't help but feel this chapter is a bit lame. I really need to move ahead with this story! _

_Other stories: I'm going to be posting a short multi-chapter story soon that's almost complete, as well as the beginnings of another longer story. I'm going to make sure I work right through to the end before I start posting it though, so that I know exactly where it's going!_  
_I've also been working on the next part of "Death and The Warrior", one of my other stories, but it's so hard to get into the fairytale style for that one that I find I can't work on it very often, even though I think I know where it's heading...!_

_Anyway, thanks to you all for reading! Much love to everyone :-)_


	19. Special Ice Cream

Chapter 19 - Special Ice Cream

* * *

"Would you like to see the desert menu, sir? asked a chirpy young waiter dressed in a sombrero, looking at Jiraiya-sama and then offering an encouraging smile to Kakashi, who was trying - poorly, in his own opinion - to disguise a look of horror.

Jiraiya chuckled at him. "no thank you, young man. I think we're done here. Could you just bring us the bill please?"

The waiter - who had mysteriously taken over from a chirpy young waitress part way through taking their drinks order, nodded and went to take care of it.

"So, you can't eat any more, huh?" Jiraiya-sama grinned slyly at Kakashi, who groaned.

"I've never eaten so much in my life!" he exclaimed. He felt absolutely stuffed to the brim after having spent the last three hours eating every strange type of food Jiraiya-sama had ordered for him. He had actually enjoyed most of it, and had been very surprised at the sheer amount he had been able to eat.

Kakashi had no idea what any of the food was called, but it had mostly consisted of a lot of beans and vegetables, some of the spiced with chili, served in various different ways and accompanied by rice, or various types of flatbreads, There had also been were corn chips, cheese and various other things in bowls. He had also had a little bit of beef, but Jiraiya-sama had said he should avoid eating too much meat for now, in favour of things his body could digest quickly. Kakashi didn't mind as he didn't much like meat anyway. Most of it had been delicious, and although he wouldn't admit it to Jiraiya-sama, he was glad that he had been persuaded to forgo his admittedly bland choice of miso soup and aubergine.

He really did feel a lot better - better than he had felt in over a year, he guessed. In fact, he didn't think he had felt this good since Obito's death. With the constant drain of Obito's sharingan, the spiralling grief over the loss of his team, and the ANBU missions, Kakashi realised he'd been living in a hazy, half-awake state since long before Naruto. But now he felt good, although he was still tired, and his body seemed to be craving more food than he could physically fit inside of himself.

The waited returned with the bill and a small bowl of some sort of ice cream, which he set before Kakashi.

"What' this?" Jiraiya-sama asked.

The waiter smiled at him. "This is compliments of the manager. It's a special pistachio ice cream that has healing properties. The Tenchou-sama is a former shinobi, and..." The waiter was cut off by a hand on his shoulder, and Kakashi looked up at the new-comer. Behind the waiter stood a large man with grizzled light brown hair and craggy, weathered features. He looked to be about Jiraiya-sama's age. When he spoke, his voice, in contrast to his appearance, was soft and slightly too high to sound right coming from his big body.

"This is a special, energy-packed ice cream made to speed up the healing process, and aid the recovery of chakra. From the amount you've consumed tonight, my young friend, it appears you are recovering from chakra exhaustion. Am I not correct?"

He addressed this to Kakashi, who nodded.

"Well, I know you're full, but this is only a small serving, and it is highly concentrated. If you eat this and then get a good night's sleep you should notice a huge improvement."

Kakashi politely bowed its head. "Arigatou-gozaimashita, Tenchou-sama" he said softly, tilting his head at the precise angle and for the precise number of seconds to confer his genuine gratitude and respect.

The Manager chuckled, embarrassed, and rubbed at his face. "Er, there's no need to be so formal with me, son. Please enjoy the ice cream, and I hope you feel better soon."

And with a blinding smile, the big man left, giving away his credentials as a former shinobi through his silent steps. No civilian of his stature should have been able to move that quietly. The waiter followed behind, taking Jiraiya-sama's payment for the meal.

Kakashi stared at the ice cream.

"So, are you going to eat that then? It's rude to stare at it like that you know. " Jiraiya-sama was grinning.

"Jiraiya-sama?" Kakashi asked as something struck him.

"Yes?" he said.

"Do you know the Manager?"

Jiraiya-sama's grin faded to a fond smile. "Yes, I do. He and I go way back. I even brought Tsunade here once twice to eat after she depleted her chakra. You should eat that stuff, Kakashi. It really does help." Kakashi nodded and picked up his spoon to try the ice cream. It was very sweet - far sweeter than anything he would usually eat - but it didn't taste bad, and if it would help him recover more quickly it was worth it. With a shrug, he dug into the rest of the bowlful, managing to squeeze it in even though his small stomach already felt as though it might burst.

As soon as he had finished the bowl, Kakashi felt incredibly sleepy. It completely overwhelmed him, and he couldn't fight it and had no choice but to give in and let his eyes fall closed with a contented sigh.

* * *

Jiraiya and the restaurant manager smiled down at the sleeping child.

"Thank you, Hideki" Jiraiya said warmly. "He really needs all the help he can get to recover. He can't eat as much as Tsunade, after all!"

Hideki laughed. "No, he's only small. It'll take a few more days of eating and sleeping before his chakra is back to usable levels, and probably a week before he's in any sort of fighting condition. "The big man's manner turned from jovial to serious in an instant. "But tell me, Jiraiya-kun, how did a child like this end up so severely depleted? It's unusual for a kid, isn't it?"

Jiraiya smiled softly back at his old friend. "Yeah, it is, but Kakashi is an unusual kid. He's a jounin already, you know, and a member of ANBU."

The restaurant-owner looked shocked, and was about to speak when Jiraiya cut him off. "Don't ask too much, okay? And don't spread it around that he was here. He's had a hard time of it lately, and I'm taking him on a little holiday to help clear his head."

Hideki nodded once to show he understood, then became light-hearted again. "Oh ho...? One of your 'holiday', eh, Jiraiya-jun? I've heard all about those. The poor kid definitely needs his sleep then!" He nudged Jiraiya with a suggestive wink. He had forgotten how much he always enjoyed Hideki's company. "Look, why don't I put the kid in the back room to sleep a bit, and you can stay and keep me company after I've closed up, eh?"

So while Kakashi slept the peaceful sleep of the completely exhausted, Jiraiya and Hideki shared shochu and conversation well into the small hours of the morning.

* * *

Kakashi woke up in a strange place yet again. He automatically followed his usual routine upon waking, suppressing all signs that he was awake and feeling out carefully with his senses and chakra to get an image of his surroundings. He could sense two strong chakra signatures in the room, one being Jiraiya-sama's. The other seemed familiar but he couldn't quite place it. He could hear two sets of light snoring, one a little heavier than the other, and to his sensitive nose the air absolutely reeked of alcohol and stale breath. He had to work extra hard to suppress his elevated heart rate and breathing as he overcame the urge to vomit.

As he could sense no one else besides the two snorers, Kakashi decided to visit opening his eyes. In the corner of the room, in a big armchair, sat the huge restaurant owner from the night before, fast asleep. On the floor, leaning against the chair with his head resting on the other man's lap, was Jiraiya-sama, also sleeping soundly.

Getting up silently, to get some fresh air, Kakashi realised that he was in the back room of the Mexican-style restaurant they had eaten in. The last thing he recalled was eating that special ice cream so he guessed it had put him to sleep, and the two men had then spent the night drinking shochu from the smell of it.

Kakashi stretched his limbs experimentally. He felt much better yet again, and as much as he missed Naruto he couldn't deny that this trip seemed to be doing him good. Making his way outside via an open window in the hall outside the back room, Kakashi stretched properly and began to run through a series of simple exercises, pleasantly surprised when he didn't feel the drop in his energy levels that he had become accustomed to.

It was around an hour later wen he progressed to practicing his own original moves based on taijutsu and kenjutsu, swinging a piece of wood he had found in the yard to simulate the feel of a sword, that Kakashi felt he was being watched.

Without dropping a step, he scanned for the presence of chakra behind him and in his blind spot, as he still wore the bandages over Obito's eye. As he was facing the restaurant building, Kakashi knew it wasn't Jiraiya-sama or the Manager, so he had to perceive this new presence as a threat until confirmed otherwise.

He knew better than to let anyone know his true skill level straight off the bat, so he acted as though he was unaware of the three mild chakra signatures he could detect behind him, and slightly above.

So they were in the trees, he thought., continuing to practice his movements while trying to figure out as much as he could about his observers. Deliberately making sure that his exercises did not turn him to face the trees, Kakashi surreptitiously parted the bandages to reveal the sharingan. It didn't hurt to be cautious, and he would need it to time his movements accurately, considering how out of practice he was.

Thinking back to his spar with Jiraiya-sama, Kakashi knew the Sannin hadn't sensed him switch with his shadow clone before he attacked, so could be quite safe in the assumption that he could get away with it here, too. But he couldn't be blase about it, as these guys could be concealing their true power.

So, with the greatest speed he could muster, Kakashi formed a kage bunshin underneath the ground beneath his feet, and sensing no change in the three chakra signatures, he then used the kawarimi no jutsu to change places with it before finally letting the clone turn to face the intruders for the first time. He made sure to place an expression of shock on the face of the clone, so as to get them to underestimate him, and then used the kawarimi no jutsu again to switch with a log in the undergrowth to one side of the yard so he could get a look at the three for himself.

While his clone stood apparently frozen with shock, Kakashi peeked out from the bush he was concealed beneath and had to stifle a gasp, his own eye mirroring the expression on the face of his kage bunshin.

* * *

Hideki awoke to a bit of a headache. Not too bad considering the amount he knew he and Jiraiya-kun had put away the night before. Jiraiya was still asleep the lazy bum, slumped on the floor at his feet, but the kid was not in the room.

Standing up, Hideki stretched, stiff from having spent the night in a chair, stepped lightly over Jiraiya's body and made his way to the window to take a look at the day's weather, as was his habit. Pushing aside the curtains he smiled to see that it was gloriously bright, and his little training yard-come-kitchen garden looked lovely bathed in the mid-morning sunlight.

And there in the centre of the yard was a small figure, performing some sort of kata.

Hideki watched with interest as Jiraiya-s kid leaped and spun, thrust and jabbed, swinging an old piece of wood around with frightening efficiency as though it were an extension of his arm. Even after Jiraiya's words about the kid's skill level Hideki had been sceptical, but watching the way he moved went a long way towards convincing him. Hideki watched with a critical eye, for he was a sword-master himself, having become quite famous for inventing the Konoha Dance of the Crescent Moon - in fact, he had even been listed in a few bingo books for a while as 'Engetsu no Hideki' - so he knew what he was talking about when it came to swordplay.

The kid's grip and stance were relaxed, and he seemed to be combining basic kendo forms with shinobi taijutsu in a complicated, elegant dance. It was odd, but Hideki could see that this was its strength. It would be difficult for an opponent to follow that style, for it was absolutely fluid and looked to come so naturally to the boy that it seemed unnatural for him to be doing anything else. It was something original to this kid, as far as Hideki knew, so that made it even more difficult for the enemy. He guessed the kid - Kakashi - had developed it to get over the fact that he was so small and lacked physical strength. Jiraiya had told him about Kakashi's phenomenal ninja career, and he could see how this style, that took advantage of his natural speed and agility, and relied on taking the enemy by surprise whilst avoiding taking damage, would be very useful indeed to a tiny kid.

What struck Hideki most of all about Kakashi's style of swordplay was that the boy had evidently developed it by himself. There was no way he could have been taught it, as it was just too much a part of him in a way Hideki couldn't describe. He just knew when a person felt comfortable with a weapon or a particular fighting style, and he felt that this was Kakashi's original style. He would have to ask him to confirm it, but it instilled in him a great respect for the kid. He must have worked unbelievably hard to get to jounin level at his age, and he must also have a determination to succeed like no other. He wondered what it was that had driven Kakashi to go this far; why he wanted power so badly; what it was he wanted to protect.

"An intriguing puzzle, isn't he?" came Jiraiya's deep voice from behind him. "I'll bet you're itching to spar with him, ay Hideki?"

Hideki turned to his long-time friend. "Hmm. He's good, certainly, but his form is unconventional. It's economical though, and and looks efficient. His grip is excellent, and I can't fault his basics. Where did he learn to fight like that?"

Jiraiya chuckled. "You've noticed how he's combining kenjutsu and taijutsu moves then? As for who taught him, well... Kakashi is clever and resourceful. That's his greatest strength. Being small and having low physical strength and low chakra and stamina levels would be a problem for most kids and they would probably just give up, but not him. In fact, on paper he's probably, even now, barely got the traditional strength of most new genin, but he's known about and understood his weaknesses from the very beginning. Through using his brilliant little mind, and putting in a huge amount of hard work, Kakashi's figured out ways to get around all of his weaknesses and become far stronger than many shinobi who should technically be able to wipe the floor with him. He shouldn't be able to be as good as he is, but just like a bumble shouldn't be able to fly, it does. He's taken his greatest strengths - speed, agility and intelligence - and worked on putting them to the most efficient and effective use possible in battle situations, and this is the result." Jiraiya waved his hand towards the kid and grinned. "I think he might even have chance of giving a strong samurai a run for his money with these moves."

Hideki had been watching Kakashi while Jiraiya spoke, and it all seemed to make sense. He felt his heart soften towards the boy. Jiraiya obviously thought very highly of him - as did Konoha, or they wouldn't have promoted him at such a young age - but being a practical man he was still disinclined to agree without a demonstration. Jiraiya could be a little prone to exaggerating his students' abilities when he became particularly fond of them. And Hideki could easily tell how fond the old fool was of this kid. He would indeed like to give the boy a spar. It had been a while since he'd faced a challenging and interesting opponent.

He was about to tell Jiraiya that yes, he did fancy a go, but his friend held his hand out to the side in the universal shinobi signal for 'stop' or 'shut up'. So he remained perfectly still, his eyes scanning the small grassy area for any sign of what had worried Jiraiya.

There. In the trees behind Kakashi were three well-camouflaged shinobi. Hideki couldn't make out their headbands from where he was, but it was clear they were not friendly.

He and Jiraiya had kept their chakra concealed so as not to disturb Kakashi's training, and this had meant that the three presumed enemies had not detected them. Just to be sure they weren't spotted before they wanted to be, Hideki, Knowing Jiraiya sucked at delicate operations, put his hands together beneath the level of the window and used the smallest possible amount of chakra to henge the glass of the window so that it showed only the reflection of the outside and not their two faces. The three were too far away to attempt to catch them in a genjutsu without using too much chakra and giving themselves away, and that really wasn't his strong suit anyway. This would have to do. At least it let them watch the goings on outside without having to get involved straight away.

Hideki watched Kakashi with great interest. What would the kid do? He seemed to be carrying on as though nothing had happened, but Hideki could tell he was deliberately not practicing any moves which land him facing the shinobi in the trees. So he wasn't just skilled but was experienced and cool-headed in battle too.

All of a sudden, and so quickly that Hideki almost didn't see it, Kakashi adjusted the bandages on his head to reveal his left eye just a little bit. Why he had done this Hideki did not know, but wondered if it was so he could get rid of his large blind spot if they did engage him.

Then the kid made the hand sign for the kage bunshin no jutsu, in such a way that the three watchers wouldn't be able to see it, but no bunshin appeared. Hideki was puzzled. And it got even more odd when Kakashi performed the kawarimi no jutsu but appeared to remain standing in exactly the same position.

If his eyes didn't tell him otherwise, Hideki would have sworn the kid had activated both of those jutsu, as he had felt the corresponding fluctuations in his chakra, but the visual evidence spoke for itself.

He looked at Jiraiya who looked back, smiling, and whispered "I know what you''re thinking. And yes, he did use both those techniques. He fooled me with this move. Just watch."

Hideki turned back to the kid. He was performing another perfect practice move, but this one left him facing the three shinobi in the trees head on. The boy froze, and Hideki felt another small chakra surge consistent with the kawarimi no jutsu coming from somewhere beneath Kakashi's feet.

Having finally been spotted, the three shinobi leaped from their position into the small yard and the child sprang into a blur of action.

* * *

_Note: _

_'Engetsu no Hideki' means Hideki of the Crescent Moon (or at least it's supposed to...!)_

_So, I'm setting myself up for a fall by forcing myself to write a fight scene next time...! I_


	20. Codename 'K'

_Note: _

_Before commencing with the upcoming fight scene, I just need to express my Most Youthful Gratitude to my Eternal Rival the amazing flintyminty25 who has helped me out sooooo much with this chapter. Her tips and advice have made this scene at least a thousand times better than it would have been without her help. And when you're finished I would recommend you go and check out the several Fine and Youthful Works that she has on offer, if you haven't already. They all centre around Kakashi, and are very very good indeed._

_I really hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it._

.

* * *

Chapter 20 - Code name 'K'

* * *

Although Kakashi was momentarily thrown by the Iwagakure symbol the three shinobi wore on their hitae-ate (it brought up images he would rather forget), his clone - code-named 'K' as usual - was not, and he spun into action as the three nin readied themselves for the attack.

The one on the left had brown hair, a blue tunic and grey trousers. He was around Kakashi's age and didn't look like much. In the centre was a woman, probably mid-twenties, with dark hair, an Iwa uniform, and a katana on her back. The big man on the right wore dark green hakama over a white kimono. His hair was dark brown and held back in a thin plait. He looked like... No.

No.

Kakashi had killed that man. His mind brought up the image of that gilded kunai slicing through a thick throat, the blood... every detail had been perfectly recorded by the sharingan. Kakashi forced the images from his mind before any others, more disturbing, could form. This was not the time. This was not that man.

Regaining his focus and watching carefully, Kakashi evaluated his options, deciding not to terminate the hostiles. They would be of greater value if kept alive for questioning.

As always in the heat of battle, time slowed down as Kakashi watched K leave the ground and prepare to engage the first Iwa nin. His brain used the time to calculate the percentage chances of success. There were two options.

Scenario #1: Best Case. K debilitates hostiles quickly using taijutsu and improvised weaponry. Kakashi remains as observer only.

Likely Outcome: 9.7% probability of success with no real-body involvement.

In his assessment, these shinobi were low chunin level at best, but Kakashi knew better than to underestimate anyone. After all, allowing himself to be underestimated had always been his speciality. Just one lucky hit would dispel the clone, so he knew he would more than likely have to step in himself.

Scenario #2: Probable. Deal damage to one or more targets before forced termination of K. Ambush and defeat remaining targets.

Likely Outcome: 83% probability of success without sustaining injury. 97.8% probability of success without serious injury. 6% probability of hostile termination.

Perhaps he should have been a bit less cautious this time around and attacked head-on. After all, Jiraiya-sama was nearby and could be called upon if necessary.

The loss of half his chakra to the bunshin and the following use of more chakra for two successive kawarimi had taken more out of Kakashi than he wanted to admit. He considered dispelling K himself to reclaim his chakra, as he was starting to feel dizzy, but that would just be a waste of the initial outlay in creating the clone, and he couldn't afford to discard that precious 11% of his initial chakra reserve it had taken to create the clone. He was feeling too woozy to even go and aid in the fight, so had no option now but to wait for K to get hit to reabsorb his chakra before making his move.

This feeling was all too familiar, and Obito's eye stung, reminding him of his weakness. He had never felt so powerless, yet so hungry for blood and for power, as at that moment over a year ago. Surrounded by Iwa shinobi, Obito's sharingan swirling for the first time in his eye socket, Rin tucked behind him, his father's blade held out... Kakashi had to fight the urge to rip the three nin to shreds. But he had to fight with tactics, not emotions. He forcibly unclenched his fists. He had to calm down.

Shoving his feelings aside fiercely, Kakashi watched what was effectively himself fight the three Iwa shinobi, critically analysing the scene.

'Blue' was weakest. It wasn't worth picking out anything else about him. He wouldn't last long enough for it to matter. 'Katana', however, appeared fairly strong and might give him trouble. 'Strong' had, fittingly, the strongest chakra signature and also had the most control over it. He carried no open weapons, and based on his body structure and stance, Kakashi pinned him as a taijutsu fighter.

As the three nin jumped jumped simultaneously from the branches of the trees, K sprang upward to meet Blue, feigning a strike to the head with the hefty piece of wood. Blue, as predicted, ducked to avoid the blow allowing the clone's other hand easy access to his throat. K struck out, hard, and Blue fell the remaining twelve feet to the ground, clutching his neck.

Kakashi kept half an eye on him to make sure he didn't get back up while continuing to watch the fight. K's movements were not as tight as he would have liked, and this irked him.

Strong and Katana had hit the ground in ready stance, shuriken and blade at the ready. K twisted in the air to land facing them, somersaulting back and to the right the moment his feet touched down to avoid four shuriken thrown by Strong.

Katana was next.

K went straight for her, using the wood in both hands to block her blade above his head. The blade stuck in the wood, and the clone used Katana's momentary hesitation to propel himself feet first beneath the wood and the sword, kicking Katana's feet from under her in a quick side-swipe. She stumbled, but did not fall. K took the chance to strike at her again using taijutsu to pacify her. Three kicks and two punches in quick succession, delivered to stomach, knees, stomach, throat and face before Katana could recover her centre of balance.

But from his vantage point Kakashi could see the error in K's strategy. He prepared himself to engage. Waiting for the clone to take a hit, Kakashi felt something like butterflies in his stomach. He told himself he felt nothing. He must be hungry.

Sure enough, Strong came in from the side to support his teammate, and K was terminated with a hit from a well-thrown kunai.

Surprise and confusion crossed Strong's face. Kakashi knew this was his chance to end it, and prepared himself for the dizzying influx of chakra from the clone's re-assimilation.

K's thoughts and feelings flooded into Kakashi's brain in a disorientating rush of sounds, smell, colours and feelings. Kakashi didn't think he would ever grow accustomed to experiencing the sensation of dying each time K was dispelled. His hand shook a little.

Trying to ignore it all, Kakashi activated the raikiri, and before Strong could overcome his confusion he was engulfed in blue electric chakra and collapsed in a heap on the ground.

Kakashi stood still for a moment, exhausted thanks to the chakra he had expended and still mentally reeling from the merging of the clone's memories with his own.

His hands shook violently now. Kakashi stared down at them, willing them to stop. The bloodlust he had felt when he saw that shinobi frightened him. He saw what he was so close to becoming and silently thanked Naruto for saving him from that. Revenge was not something he had ever considered, but facing down Iwa nin alone for the first time since... since the end of the last war; it brought out so many feelings in him that he hadn't realised were there. Feelings he didn't want to have. And facing an Iwa nin who looked so much like _that __man_ had pushed him over the edge.

While he had felt irritated at K for his seeming over-eagerness during the fight when he had left his back open to finish off the woman, Kakashi realised now that K had been almost overtaken by that urge to kill. That man was not the Daimyo who had abused his powerful position to prey on helpless children. And these were not the same Iwa nin who had taken away his best friend. They were all dead. But in the heat of the moment, K had wanted revenge.

When K had died at the hand of the Key Daimyo's doppelganger, Kakashi had felt the usual horror, the fear of the unknown, the cold numbness of sudden non-existence. But he had also felt an sort of empty nothingness.

It wasn't that man. K had let his emotions run away with him, and Kakashi could not afford to do that. He had only one life, one chance, and he couldn't - wouldn't - throw it away simply to get revenge on those who had hurt him and those he loved. Not when his life had been bought with so much blood.

He would use the blessed life that Obito had died to give him. He would become strong enough to protect Naruto and the others he cared about, and he would protect the Village with everything he had.

Kakashi smiled a little as a realisation hit him. There were so many people he cared about, and plenty who cared about him, and this time he didn't feel that unbearable tightness in his chest when he thought of them, just a dull pain and a strange new warmth. Perhaps it was an effect of the chakra loss. But at least his hands had almost stopped shaking.

Kakashi willed himself to move. He had to secure the prisoners before they could recover.

He went for Katana first, as she was stronger than Blue but less heavily knocked-out than Strong, so most likely to get back up first. Using chakra twine from Katana's own hip pouch Kakashi tied her hands and feet and ripped off a bit of her shirt to use as a gag. He repeated this with the other two and left them where they had fallen, not having the energy to move them.

Kakashi turned to trudge back inside. Jiraiya-sama should know about this, he thought vaguely.

He felt so tired.

* * *

_._

_._

* * *

_._

_._

* * *

_Special Note:_

_In celebration of this story reaching 20 whole chapters (and that's the most it's ever had!), please enjoy this one-time Special Pull-out Section..._

_Breakdown of Kakashi's chakra usage during the fight! (Wooo! What could be more thrilling!)_

_Starting chakra level (after taijutsu/kenjutsu practice session): 34% of normal maximum level (100% of current available chakra)_  
_Sharingan drain 8%/minute: open for 30 seconds = -4%_  
_Kage Bunshin no jutsu: -11% of available in casting. 85% remaining. Even chakra split between Kakashi and K = 42.5% each._  
_Kawarimi no jutsu (x2): -8.3%/jutsu = 25.9% of starting total remaining in original body._

_Fight proper commences:_

_K (42.5% starting level) _  
_[all as % of total starting chakra level after the practice session - 100%]_  
_Upward thrust from feet: -4% = 38.5%_  
_Enhanced jab to Blue's throat: -3.2& = 35.3%_  
_Thrust to enable fast somersault: -5.4% = 29.9%_  
_Chakra to maintained balance on contact with Katana's sword: -2.8% = 27.1%_  
_Mildly enhanced side kick and enhanced balance: -3% = 24.1%_  
_Inherent chakra loss in dispelling jutsu: -5.7% = 18.8% remaining to transfer back to Kakashi._

_Kakashi (25.9% of starting level)_  
_Re-assimilated chakra from termination of K: +18.8% = 44.7% of starting level [14.5% normal maximum level])_  
_Raikiri (12% normal max level/shot): -36% of starting level = 8.7% of starting level remaining [3% normal maximum level]_

_Result = chakra exhaustion!_

_Thank you for reading, I hope to see you soon for the next part!_


End file.
